


Can You See Me/Can You Hear Me?

by JustYourAverageFanboy



Series: Can You See Me/Can You Hear Me? [1]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, American Sign Language, Blind!Evan, Cynthia tries, Deaf!Connor, Fluff and Angst, He has feelings too you know, Heidi is a good mom, Homophobic Slurs, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Internalized Homophobia, Jared gets character development, LGBTQ Jewish Character(s), Larry is still a dick, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Recreational Drug Use, Service Dogs, Sibling bonding moments, Slow Burn, Takes place during junior year, Trans Male Character, Transphobia, Tree Bros, Use of dead name, soft!connor, unhealthy eating habits
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-25
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2018-12-23 22:04:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 56,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11998860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustYourAverageFanboy/pseuds/JustYourAverageFanboy
Summary: Evan has been blind since he was six-years-old. It hasn’t been easy or fun. His mom tries to understand, but of course there’s no way she could possible know what it’s like.Connor has been completely deaf since he was fourteen. His mom tries to be supportive and tries to be a good parents. His dad couldn’t care less and believes that in a few short years, there will be a cure.On the first day of school, Evan finds out that Connor Murphy is assigned to be his guide. Misunderstandings and funny sitatuations are bound to invade this unlikely friendship.





	1. Can Anybody See?

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is appreciated

Evan sat in a booth at Caribou Coffee, hands wrapped around the steaming cup of hot chocolate he ordered. His head was bent forward, eyes closed. He opened his eyes, although he still couldn't see. He wished he could. He sighed and sipped his drink.

When he was six-years-old, he got into a car crash and ended up losing his sight. He cried every night for two years, hoping that somehow his sight would return. He prayed and prayed and prayed, but he still wasn't able to see.

It took him five years to get used to it. He learned how to read and write Braille, he got a seeing eye dog that also helped with panic attacks, and he was still able to have visual dreams. However, the people in his dreams were kids and younger versions of his mother and he hardly remembered any of them. His least favorite dream was the reoccurring nightmare of the crash that happened once a month. This lead to many restless nights, and his therapist prescribed him medicine to help him sleep.

He would be lying if he said he didn't miss being able to see his mother’s face everyday, or seeing his friend Jared.

He stood up, alerting his dog Charles.

“Go home,” he told Charles, grabbing his leash. The dog walked forward, pushing the cafe door open. Evan held it open as he walked out.

The walk home was short. The Caribou was a block away and since Evan has had Charles for a few years, the dog was able to memorize the way home. Evan had the walk memorized too, but his anxiety caused him to not trust himself. He always worried that he might step onto the road too soon and end up getting hit by a car, or taking a wrong turn and only to realize that when the walk ended up way longer than needed.

Charles sat in front of the apartment door, wagging his tail silently. Evan dug in his pockets for his keys. He felt for the building key. He had his keys covered in different textures so he could tell them apart. The building key had a piece of fabric glued to it and the apartment room key had rubber wrapped around the top.

Evan unlocked the door and Charles started walking again. He felt eyes on him even though nobody was there. Even without sight, he could still tell. There were no shoes smacking against the floor or even the quiet patters of bare feet. After the crash, he learned how to rely on sound more than his other senses.

Charles stopped in front of the apartment room door. Evan fumbled with the keys, accidentally dropping them. Charles whimpered and took them in his mouth. Evan bent down, patting around to find Charles. He smiled when his palm landed on his mouth. Charles dropped the keys into his palm, licking Evan’s hand.

Evan unlocked the door and pushed it open. He unclipped Charles from his leash and the dog ran into the room.

“Charles, sit,” Evan commanded. The dog whined but complied, looking at the boy. He grabbed his cane that was leaning against the wall by the door and held it out in front of him. The cane bumped against Charles.

Evan kneeled and began undoing Charles’ work vest. “There you go.” Evan stood up, stumbling a bit, and made his way over to the closet in the entry way. He felt for the hooks on the wall. When he found it, he put the vest on it. He hung up his keys on the hook next to it.

Evan made his way over to the hallway that lead to the bedrooms. He ran his fingers across the wall, searching for his room. His fingers grazed the doorknob and he turned it, pushing the door open.

Walking to the left, he climbed onto his bed. He reached for his large book about nature which was on the shelf above the bed. He lay on his stomach, head resting on his pillow. The fluffy pillow case tickled his neck.

The end of the bed dipped down as Charles jumped on it. He walked over to Evan and rested his chin on his back, closing his eyes. Evan reached back and rubbed his head. The dog’s long fur was rough between his fingers.

His fingers ran across the paper, over the little bumps. A small smile was plastered on Evan’s face. He enjoyed the feeling of Braille. The bumps helped him calm down or ground himself after long days. His younger self hated the feeling. It made him uncomfortable and mad, mad that he wasn't allowed to read regular books, mad that he couldn't move more than five feet without bumping into a piece of furniture. Mad at the driver that took away his sight. Being mad didn't make him shout or stomp his feet; it made him cry for hours until it was way passed midnight and he didn't have the energy to cry anymore.

The sound of the front door opening broke him out of his thoughts. Evan placed his bookmark on the page as Charles jumped off the bed and ran down the hall. Evan walked down the hall and heard his mother laughing.

“Charles, enough,” she said. Charles barked quietly but stopped what he was doing. “We have got to teach him to not lick faces.”

Evan chuckled. “I thought you didn't get home until nine,” he said.

“It is nine, sweetie,” Heidi replied, her voice getting farther away. Her shoes clicked on the tile floor in the kitchen. “Did you eat? I can make something if you want.”

“I didn't realize the time.” He rubbed the back of his neck and fidgeted with his hair, which he'd have to get cut soon. “And sure. I mean, sure as in you can make something. Not sure as in I did eat.”

His cane knocked into the kitchen table and Evan felt around for a chair. He pulled out the wooden chair and sat down, letting his cane lean against the table. He ran a hand through his hair, fingers getting caught in the tangles. He winced as he pulled his fingers through.

“How was your day?” Heidi asked, rummaging through the fridge. Jars clanged together as she searched.

Evan shrugged, eyes focused on the table. “I went to Caribou with Charles,” he said.

“That all?” Heidi’s voice was clearer now that her face wasn't in the fridge. She let the door slam shut. Evan jumped. “Nobody bothered you right?”

“No.”

Sometimes when Evan went out with Charles, people, mostly kids, would ask to pet him. Most of the time they would walk away if he said no, but a few would ignore his explanation and pet Charles anyways.

Evan thought Heidi was near him and was proven correct when she set a plate in front of him. “It’s peanut butter and apple jelly.”

Evan grabbed the sandwich and took a small bite. He wasn't really hungry, but he didn't want his mother to worry.

Heidi seemed pleased with that and walked back to the kitchen. “I hate to run off again, but I'm almost late for class,” she said. “Remember that you have a doctor’s appointment on Friday. I love you, Evan!” She gave him a quick hug and left.

“Love you too,” Evan whispered as he heard the door lock. He sighed and pushed his plate away, letting his head fall onto the table. He wasn't hungry anymore.

 

His dreams that night were weird. He dreamed of memories. He dreamed of his father the day he left. He dreamed of the crash.

Evan jolted awake. Tears pricked his eyes as he looked around. Charles who was laying at his feet was now standing next to him, paws on his lap and tongue on his face. Evan ran his fingers through his fur, calming himself down.

Evan reached for his phone under his pillow. He held the home button and listened for Siri to pop up.

“What time is it?” he asked into the phone.

“It is currently 8:48 A.M.” Siri replied. Evan turned off the phone and slid it back under the pillow. Charles was now laying on his legs, panting and nudging Evan’s hands.

“I’m okay, Charles,” he whispered. Heidi was probably sleeping and he didn't want to risk waking her up. “It was just a dream.”

Charles didn't seem to understand and he whimpered, licking Evan’s palm. Evan grimaced and pulled his hand away. He wiped his hand on the blanket. He sighed, letting his hand drop on Charles’s back.

“Wanna go for a walk?” Evan asked the dog. The dog stood up and jumped off the bed. Evan heard him trot out of the room. He stood up and walked over to his closet. Opening the door, he searched for a shirt. He pulled one out, not caring which one because he only had one kind of shirt, and put it on. He slept in a pair of jeans so he didn't need to change them.

He walked out of his room with a piece of Braille paper, a slate, and a stylus in his hands. He quickly wrote a note saying he was taking Charles for a walk and stopping at Caribou Coffee in case Heidi woke up and he was still gone.

He left the writing tools on the table and walked over to the entry way. He felt around for his shoes and slipped them on. He hooked Charles up to his leash and working harness. Unlocking the door, he stepped outside and walked down the hallway.


	2. Did I Even Make A Sound?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When he was younger, he and Zoe would always try to avoid the cracks in sidewalks and buildings. It was fun for them, even if people looked at them funny. But then Connor started losing his hearing and they drifted apart. Zoe would always try to speak with him, but he would say that he couldn't hear her. She took it as “I’m ignoring you, go away.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated

Connor stepped out of stepped out of the doctor’s office, a scowl clear on his face. He shoved his hands into his pockets and walked into the waiting room while his father argued with the doctor. He stared at the white tile floor, trying to avoid the black lines. He ended up taking a large step that probably looked weird to anyone passing by, but he didn't give a shit.

When he was younger, he and Zoe would always try to avoid the cracks in sidewalks and buildings. It was fun for them, even if people looked at them funny. But then Connor started losing his hearing and they drifted apart. Zoe would always try to speak with him, but he would say that he couldn't hear her. She took it as “I’m ignoring you, go away.”

Even after his family learned he was going deaf, Zoe and Connor still grew apart. They started fighting. Connor could barely hear anything by the time he was thirteen, but he learned to read lips. He would still use his voice, always going by the vibration of his vocal cords to know if he was saying the correct words.

By the time Connor was fourteen, he was fully deaf. He stopped using his voice, which should've brought an end to the arguments. However, he was still able to understand when Larry was talking shit about him, and he would sign angrily at him before storming out, knowing Larry couldn't understand him. He would sign inappropriate things and his mother would tell him off. Larry would demand Cynthia to tell him what he was saying, and then he would get even madder and would go to Connor’s room to yell more.

Connor looked around at the waiting room. Children were crying from shots. People were checking in for appointments. Someone was arguing with a doctor, probably about a medical bill.

Connor looked over at the chairs. Most of the ones by the door were taken, much to Connor’s disappointment. The only seat nearby was next to a kid around his age. Sighing, he walked over to the chair.

The kid didn't so much as look at him, but he did flinch a bit when Connor sat down. Connor took in his appearance. Blue and black striped polo shirt and khakis. Blond hair.

Connor tapped his shoulder. The guy snapped his head up, looking around.

‘Have I see you somewhere before?’ he signed.

The guy didn't respond so he tapped his shoulder again. The blond turned his head and looked at Connor.

“Yes?” the guy whispered. Connor signed again. “Oh ha ha, I get it. You thought it, it would be f-funny to mess with the, the blind guy.”

Connor mentally slapped himself. He’s blind? Connor now noticed the sunglasses and service dog laying by his feet. He felt stupid. He should've noticed that earlier.

Connor grabbed the guy’s hand and was about to starting signing when he pulled his hand away. He grabbed his hand again. He held it tightly so he couldn't pull away and started signing.

The guy relaxed a bit.

‘That depends,’ he signed back. ‘Who’s asking?’

‘Connor Murphy. And you don't have to sign back, I can read lips. As long as you're facing me. But I'm not the best at it.’

“Oh,” the boy mumbled. “Am I looking at you?” He blindly (Get it?) moved his hand in front of him, trying to find Connor. His hand landed on his shoulder. “Is this you?”

Connor nodded, then mentally slapped himself again. ‘Yes.’

The blond nodded. “I, I know of a, a Connor Murphy,” he said. “Evan Hansen. Er, that’s my name. You said yours so I thought I should- it’s only fair that, that I say mine.”

‘Slow down, I can only understand so much.’

“Sorry.”

Connor took his hand away and sighed, slumping down in the chair. A woman with blonde hair approached them.

“Ready to go Evan?” She asked, smiling.

Evan nodded and stood up, signally his dog to get up. He faced Connor, or attempted to. He was looking just above him, at a poster. “See you around I guess,” he said. “Or rather you'll see me because, because I can’t. See.” He frowned and rubbed the back of his neck before following the lady out of the building.

Connor bit his lip and looked around. God Larry was taking forever. He was always arguing with the doctor about fixing Connor. More specifically his sight. The doctors always told him that there wasn't any kind of treatment available yet and for some reason, Larry couldn't get that through his thick, ignorant skull.

He glanced up when someone appeared in front of him. Larry had his arms crossed over his chest and an angry expression on his face.

“Come on,” he said. “We’re late for-“

Connor didn't catch the last part because his father turned away and started walking out the door. Connor followed.

 

Connor went straight up to his room when they got home. He jumped onto his bed and rolled himself up in his blankets. He stared at the ceiling, mindlessly scratching his arms. He winced when a nail caught on a scar.

He rolled over on his side and stared at the black wall in front of him. He was about to dose off when someone tapped his shoulder. He groaned and rolled over, becoming face to face with Zoe.

‘Dinner’s gonna be ready in five minutes,’ she signed and left.

Connor bit his tongue, contemplating skipping dinner. But then Cynthia would get worried and when she worries, Larry gets mad and then yells at Connor and then Connor gets mad and starts furiously signing curse words which makes Cynthia cry.

He was also pretty hungry after skipping lunch. He sat up and untangled himself from his blankets. He stomped down the stairs and into the kitchen where Larry was on his computer and Zoe was on her phone. Cynthia was bringing out a covered bowl of vegan pasta.

Connor tried not to gag at the smell and sat down. He put his elbows on the table, chin resting in his hands. He saw Larry drumming his fingers against the table, making him look up. Larry was staring at him. Connor lifted an eyebrow.

“Elbows off the table, Connor,” Larry said.

Cynthia sat next to Larry. “You know he can't hear you,” she said. “You should really learn sign language so you can communicate better.”

“He can read lips, Cynthia,” Larry replied. “He just chooses to ignore me.”

Connor bent his head and tried to stomach his food. He twirled the pasta around on his fork as he pretended his parents weren't arguing about him. A light tap on his wrist made him look up. He caught Zoe's eyes and she gestured to their parents.

“I just don't understand why he doesn't speak like when he was a child,” exclaimed Larry, closing his laptop. “He spoke fine.”

“Because he could still hear himself then. Honestly Larry, what is so hard about this? Why can't you just learn sign language like the rest of us?”

“Because I know that treatment will be available, so learning it won't do anything but waste my time.”

Connor stood up, pushing his chair back and making it fall. He saw Zoe flinch, her arms raised slightly, and a pang of guilt flowed through him. He glared at his parents.

‘I'm fucking tired of you guys arguing about me like I'm not even there!’ he signed. Cynthia’s face softened as Larry’s hardened. ‘Just because I can't hear you doesn't mean I don't understand.’

“Connor. . .”

Connor stormed out of the kitchen and up the stairs. He slammed his bedroom door and collapsed onto his bed, fingers digging into the fabric of his hoodie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a short chapter!! I’ve been busy with school and anxious about singing the American national anthem at a school football game (it was today and it went great!) so I haven’t had time to look over the chapters that I have written already and add more detail or fix errors! Please point out any errors you see and I’ll try to fix them right away!
> 
> So, Connor’s reading lips to understand people? Let me clarify. I know how hard it is to fully understand what a person is saying just by reading their lips. Basically what Connor does is he can understand some words, not all, and uses what words he knows to figure out what the person is saying (assentually autofilling the sentence(s)). Although, he’s not always 100% correct, which leads to a lot of arguments with his family. And he’s also had a few years worth of practice with lip reading so he’s better at it than the average person. Just thought I’d clear that up so people don’t get on my case about how lip reading is not a reliable way to communicate
> 
> Also my choir class gets to sing waving through a window! I’m really jealous of the small group of tenors, they get to sing the melody whereas I’m an alto so I’m stuck with weird notes. But oh well, at least we get to sing it
> 
> I swear I’m not titling the chapters after DEH songs on purpose, I just like naming the chapters based off of who’s perspective it is and I just thought “oh connor’s deaf, this would be a perfect title” and couldn’t think of anything else


	3. Stress Comes Crawling Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I wouldn't complain if it were me though,” Jared continued. “I mean, I'd be able to tell my mom that I hung out with you so she’d pay for my car insurance.”
> 
> “Y-yeah,” Evan whispered, frowning. “Who would wanna do that willingly?” He sighed and sat up. He picked up his sunglasses and put them on. “Do you wanna maybe g-go to Caribou? I uh, I don't feel like going b-by myself.”
> 
> “Not really,” Jared said bluntly. “But hey, I better get going. Make sure to tell your mom I was here and how nice I was.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated

Evan sat on the ground while Jared was draped across the couch. They were watching The Maze Runner.

“I think Gally’s my favorite character,” Jared said. “His eyebrows are hilarious.”

“How can you like Gally?” Evan asked. “He’s, he’s mean to Thomas. I like Newt, he’s cool.”

“You just have a thing for British accents, don't you?” Jared teased. Evan blushed and mumbled incoherently. “Anyways, you ready for school to start in a week? ‘Cause I'm not. I don't even have my school supplies yet.”

“I got mine in June so I wouldn't worry about it,” Evan said. “But I guess, I guess I'm ready as I’ll ever be. I’m not looking f-forward to learning where my classes are and bumping into things or hearing freshmen whisper behind my back, but what can I do about it?”

“I uh, I ran into Connor Murphy after my doctor’s appointment,” Evan continued after a moment of silence. He used the arm of the couch to stand up.

“Oh really?” Jared asked. “Are you guys all buddy-buddy now? You are aware that he threw a printer in second grade, he's not exactly the person you wanna hang out with.”

“I know.” He decided against using his cane and made his way into the kitchen. His knee hit the counter, making him wince. Maybe leaving the cane in the living room wasn't a good idea. “We weren't hanging out, we just happened to be at the same location at the same time.”

Evan opened the fridge and grabbed a can of soda, thumb drifting over the Braille writing. He frowned and put it back. It took him three tries, but he eventually found the grape soda. He slowly opened it, as if it was going to attack him. He took a small sip before walking back to the couch, taking his seat on the floor again.

“Sounds like hanging out to me,” Jared laughed. “But whatever you say man. How’d you even communicate?”

“I know sign language.”

“Yeah I know, but how'd you see what he's saying?” Jared asked.

“Do you not know how blind and deaf people talk?” Evan asked, looking at the couch.

“Up here Evan.” Evan blushed and tilted his head up. “There ya go. But no, I don't. Care to enlighten me?”

Evan sighed, running a hand over his face. He accidentally knocked off his sunglasses. “They sign in each other's hands.”

“So you two were holding hands?” Jared rolled over. “What are you, dating?”

“No!” Evan winced when his voice cracked. He sighed again. “We weren't, weren’t holding hands. He, he said that he was able to- that he can read lips. So, so I was able to speak as long as I was facing him.”

Jared snorted. “So he was staring at your mouth? And you say you aren't dating.”

“We’re not!” Evan groaned, falling back so he was laying on the ground. He rubbed his eyes. “We just, we just talked. And we didn't even- we didn't really talk about anything. He just asked if we knew each other. That's it.”

“Okay, sure.” Jared chuckled. “Man, I feel bad for the person that has to lead you to your classes this year.”

Evan frowned. “What do you mean?”

“The person that has the same classes as you so you don't get lost,” Jared explained. “Nobody wants to do that.”

Evan bit his lip and turned so he was laying on his side.

“I wouldn't complain if it were me though,” Jared continued. “I mean, I'd be able to tell my mom that I hung out with you so she’d pay for my car insurance.”

“Y-yeah,” Evan whispered, frowning. “Who would wanna do that willingly?” He sighed and sat up. He picked up his sunglasses and put them on. “Do you wanna maybe g-go to Caribou? I uh, I don't feel like going b-by myself.”

“Not really,” Jared said bluntly. “But hey, I better get going. Make sure to tell your mom I was here and how nice I was.”

Jared accidentally kicked Evan’s leg as he stood up. Evan flinched as he heard Jared slam the door as he walked out of the house. Evan closed his eyes. He thought to what Jared said about nobody wanting to hang out with him, even if it was just leading him to class. He couldn't blame them, he wouldn't want to do it either.

He wouldn't know what to say so they would just be in an uncomfortable silence. But if he did say something, he wouldn't know how to keep the conversation going which would lead to uncomfortable silence. Even if he could keep a conversation, he was bound to bore the person because the only things he truly enjoyed was nature, Greek mythology, and Caribou Coffee’s hot chocolate. What if the person wanted to talk about the latest fashion style, or how hot Justin Bieber is? Evan wouldn't be able to agree or disagree because he has no idea what any of those things look like. Then the person would think he's uncultured and weird and leave him to fend for himself in the hallways. He would be late to all his classes and miss out on important information for a test and fail said test and fail the class and then his mother would be mad and kick him out and-

Evan shook his head. Don't think like that. That would never happen. Would it?

He sighed, sitting up. Maybe he could ask the principle about not having a guide. He has his cane and can read Braille, so he doesn't need a guide. But of course the school thinks he's helpless and can’t fend for himself, which he would admit is true to some extent. But he's going to be a junior, so he'd like to think he knows the school pretty well. Besides, during the open house, Heidi made sure he knows where his classes were, what shortcuts to take, and how many steps it would take to get to them.

He didn't enjoy it, walking back and forth between his locker and his classes. He knew people were staring at him. Probably whispering about how he always needed his mom to help him. So of course, that made him feel like a burden and he kept begging to leave.

Evan sighed and stood up, careful to not knock over his soda. He didn't want to leave a stain on the carpet. Even if he couldn't see it, his mom would and then she’d get mad because he wasn't more careful and she’d ground him and he'd end up falling behind in school and fail and then his mom would be even more disappointed.

“Calm down,” he whispered. He was starting to shake and the last thing he needed was an anxiety attack a week before school started. “Stop being pathetic, it’s only a can of soda.”

_But she’d have to work to clean the stain and she already works so much. She’s already so tired and you making messes wouldn’t do you or her any good. There’s already a good number of reasons why you’re a burden to yourself and her and adding to that list won’t help._

Evan groaned and picked up the can. He walked into the kitchen and dumped the remaining soda into the sink. He threw the can into the trash can under the sink.

He was most definitely not looking forward to school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so if you’ve been reading my BMC fic Tale As Old As Time, then you already know what this note is going to be about. But for those of you who aren’t reading it, I’m going to tell you. Since school has started, it’s been taking up most of my time. I can’t focus on my fanfictions, meaning I can’t get any good ideas. Because of that, I can’t get these chapters out fast enough. So I’ve decided that I’m going to go on a hiatus for about four weeks. Two weeks will be spent of me just writing scenes and chapters for both fics and the other two weeks will be me just relaxing and editing them. This way, I won’t get stressed with updates AND school. I should start updates again near the end of October.
> 
> Title - Nothing’s Wrong by State Champs (this title is oddly fitting for my current situation)


	4. Feeling Like An Astronaut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Relax, Evan.” Jared scoffed. “That's what family friends do, tease each other. But apparently you don't get that.”
> 
> Evan winced at ‘family friend’. He stood up, grabbing his cane and tray and walking over to a trash can. He dumped the styrofoam tray and food into the bin. His phone buzzed, signally the end of lunch. He walked back over to the table and grabbed his backpack, slinging it over his shoulders. He ignored Jared calling after him and walked out of the cafeteria.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated
> 
>  
> 
> _’Cause tonight I’m feeling like an astronaut_  
>  _Sending S.O.S from this tiny box_  
>  _And I’ve lost all signal when I lifted off_  
>  _Now I’m stuck out here and the world forget_
> 
>   _Can I please come down?_

Ah, the first day of school. The day where you wait for your friends by the school doors and fail to remember your locker combination. Or in Evan’s case, waiting for the person that will help him find his classes.

Evan sat in an uncomfortable chair in the office. He had his head down, eyes closed and cane laying across his legs. He listened to the office lady type at her computer and the phones ringing. The lady’s probably freshly painted nails clicked against the keys. The office creaked open, causing Evan to look up.

The person walked up to the front desk.

“Evan,” the office lady said. Evan looked over to the desk. “Connor is going to be leading you to classes.”

“Connor,” Evan repeated. “Connor Murphy?”

“Yes,” the lady said. “Is that a problem?”

“No!” he exclaimed. “Not, not at all.” Evan stood up. His cane fell. Sighing, he bent down and picked it up. He walked forward, stopping when the cane hit someone’s foot. It was Connor’s foot.

Connor grabbed Evan’s hand. ‘You ready?’

Evan nodded. Connor let go of his hand and started walking, causing Evan to reach out and grab the back of Connor’s backpack. Connor instantly stopped.

“Sorry,” Evan mumbled, sensing Connor’s eyes on him. “It’s just, if I, I don't hold onto something, I could, could lose you and get lost.”

Connor sighed and grabbed Evan’s wrist, pulling him along. Evan stumbled a bit as he tried to keep up. He felt eyes on him. Evan planted his feet on the ground, pulling his wrist back, and accidentally making Connor collide into his chest.

“You don't have, have to grab my arm so, so hard,” Evan said. “It, it hurt. Just let me hold onto your backpack or something.”

Connor grabbed Evan’s hand gently. ‘Look Hansen,’ he signed. ‘I don't wanna do this and neither do you. The sooner we get to class, the sooner the day is over meaning the end of the school year gets closer and we won’t have to do this again or see each other. Don’t argue with me.’

Evan stared at Connor, or tried to. Really he was looking a little bit to the left. He heard people talking and laughing as they walked passed.

“Fags,” they whispered. Evan tensed up and yanked his hand back, face bright red.

“Fine,” Evan agreed. Connor grabbed Evan’s wrist once again and started walking.

 

Lunch came sooner than expected. After the hallway incident, Evan and Connor didn't speak. After fourth hour, Connor and Evan parted ways. Evan claimed that he knew the way to the cafeteria and didn't need help, which was true.

Evan walked into the cafeteria, wincing as the noise level got significantly higher. He skillfully maneuvered his way through the room, avoiding tables and students. His cane bumped into a student when he got to the line. He whispered an apology and looked down.

Lunch in hand, he made his way over to a table near the exit. He let his cane lean against the table as he sat down. He held up his chicken sandwich and took a small bite, chewing slowly. He didn't want anyone to think he ate weird, though they probably already thought that.

“Hey,” Jared said next to Evan. “So who'd you get stuck with, huh? Who’s the not so lucky person that has the opportunity to walk you around?”

Evan didn't look up from his food. “It's uh, it’s not important.” He picked at the top bun of the sandwich, letting crumbs sprinkle over the tray. “How, how was your day so far?”

“Well, I successfully found my first few classes without trouble,” Jared teased. Evan furrowed his eyebrows and pushed his tray away, resting his arms on the table and laying his head on them. “And most of my friends are in them, so that's cool. But hey, if you're not gonna tell me who your guide is, I’ll find out myself.”

“Why do you need to uh, to know who it is?” Evan asked, his voice muffled. “It’s not, it won’t do you any good. And I don't even need a guide, so why does the school think otherwise? I’ve g-gotten around t-town without a guide, besides Charles but that's different! So why do you need to know? So you can tease me about it?”

Jared scoffed. “Relax, Evan. That's what family friends do, tease each other. But apparently you don't get that.”

Evan winced at ‘family friend’. He stood up, grabbing his cane and tray and walking over to a trash can. He dumped the styrofoam tray and food into the bin. His phone buzzed, signally the end of lunch. He walked back over to the table and grabbed his backpack, slinging it over his shoulders. He ignored Jared calling after him and walked out of the cafeteria. 

He stood outside the cafeteria, waiting for Connor to show up. As much as he didn't like it, he had to walk with the guide, even if he knew the way.

 

Five minutes passed and the late bell rang. Evan sighed and began walking. Connor hadn't shown up and he wasn't about to ditch the last few classes just because he wasn't there.

His fingers brushed against the wall as he tried to remember which paths to take and when to turn. He stopped whenever he came to a door, reading the Braille on the plate that had the teacher’s name and room number.

When he found it, he was five minutes late. He tried to quietly open the door and walked in. The door slammed shut behind him. He heard everyone shift and look at him. His face burned and he tensed up as the teacher approached.

“You are five minutes late, Mr. Hansen,” she said, annoyed. “Do you have a pass? Where is your guide?”

“C-Connor he,” Evan stuttered. “He um. . . H-he didn't- I, I couldn't find him. He wasn't waiting for me. I’m not sure where he is.”

The teacher sighed. “Alright, I will excuse this only one time, Mr. Hansen. Take your seat.”

 

Connor didn't show up to take him to his next class. Or any of them. Even was lucky enough to not be late to the classes.

He stood outside the school, waiting for Jared so he could drop him off at home. He sat on the bench right by the doors, elbows resting on his knees and chin resting in his hands. His phone which was seated down next to him started buzzing like crazy, signaling a phone call.

Evan frowned, anxiety filling his stomach. Why was he getting a call? Swallowing the uneasiness, he picked up the phone and slid his thumb over the screen, answering the call. He put the phone up to his ear.

“H-hello?” he asked, voice barely above a whisper.

“Hey hey!” It was Jared. “So, I know you were expecting a ride home.”

Oh no.

“I won’t be able to give you one,” Jared continued. “I forgot I had to meet with a teacher to work on math and only remembered because she caught me in the hall and reminded me. Sorry dude.”

Jared hung up.

Evan sat there, phone still by his ear. He eventually put the phone down and sighed. Guess he was walking. He stood up, stretching his arms over his head. He picked up his backpack from the ground and slung it over his shoulders.

Holding his cane out in front of him, he began the fifteen minute walk home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I know I said I was going on a hiatus but I really wanted to update and I needed to say that I changed some small things in chapter two so that things in future chapters will make sense.
> 
> So about the titles. Most of the time the title will relate to something that happens in the chapter or how a character feels throughout the chapter, but sometimes (like this one) it’s just how the character feels all the time. Hopefully that clears up whatever confusion there is
> 
> Also I’m going to start putting some lyrics from the song that I use for the chapter titles.
> 
> Title - Astronaut by Simple Plan


	5. Wash Away The Reckless Intensions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor stormed passed the blond boy, shoulder knocking him to the ground. He was at the school entrance when he made the mistake of looking back. Evan lay on the ground, his cane next to him and his sunglasses out of reach. People stared at him, then at Connor.
> 
> Evan was looking in his general direction and Connor could see tears glistening in his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _Step back and wash away all the reckless intentions_  
>  They’re leaving me breathless

Connor sat in his car, smoke spilling out of his mouth. He held a joint in his right hand and his left hand was hanging out the window. Putting the joint to his lips, he inhaled and attempted to do a smoke ring. He failed.

He sighed, looking out the window. Cars littered the school parking lot.

He knew he should be in school, walking that Hansen boy around, but frankly he didn't give a damn. Besides, that would mean actually going to class and doing work, both of which he didn't give a shit about. Hansen should be able to walk around without help anyways, so what was the point?

He coughed lightly. He could drive home. But Cynthia was probably there and she would ask what he was doing and cry because “he was ruining his life”. He didn't feel like driving around, so he stayed parked in the school. And the car had to stay in the parking lot so Zoe could get home.

Connor checked his phone, reading the time. Fourth hour had just ended. He didn't want to go back inside, but he skipped breakfast and he was starving. He'd rather suffer through terrible school food than be even more irritated the rest of the day.

He opened the car door and stepped out, letting it slam behind him. He tossed the joint on the ground, squashing it under his heel. Hands shoved in his pockets, he made his way into the school. He easily blended in with the crowd of students heading into the cafeteria, so no teachers or staff stopped him. He just hoped they wouldn't smell weed on him. Although he didn't particularly care, he still didn't want to get caught and let his parents have another reason to hate him.

He saw kids whisper and step out of his way as he walked passed. One even tried to trip him. He stumbled but didn't fall. He glared at the kid and felt a small beam of pride seeing her shrink back, although he did feel a little guilty. It was good that he could get people to leave him alone, but when it came to innocent people that just happened to catch his eye he wasn’t so proud.

Tray of gross excuses for healthy food in hand, he walked over to a table in the corner. He sat in the seat farthest away from everyone. He grimaced at the school’s attempt at tacos and was tempted to throw it away, but his stomach was rumbling every thirty seconds, so he forced himself to swallow small bites.

When lunch was over and he threw away the tray, he spotted Evan walking out of the cafeteria. Not wanting to attract unwanted attention to himself, he slowly walked over to the blind boy.

Evan stopped outside the doors, as if expecting something. Realizing that he was probably waiting for the long haired boy, Connor put a hand on Evan’s shoulder. The blond jumped, looking around. Connor grabbed his hand.

‘It’s me,’ he signed. Evan’s shoulder relaxed a bit, but tensed again soon after. A boy with glasses and short brown hair slapped a hand on Evan’s back. Connor guessed he was Jared Kleinman.

Jared stared at Connor, as if trying to read him. He turned back to Evan and started talking. Evan kept his head straight, mumbling an answer to whatever Kleinman was saying.

Connor barely understood what they were saying as they were talking too fast, but he saw Jared say “shooter”. He tried to keep his face blank. Evan turned toward Jared and it seemed like he was scolding him. Jared rolled his eyes and shrugged before walking away.

Connor watched him disappear around the corner. He turned back to Evan, who was fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.

Evan started mumbling something Connor couldn't understand. It took him a while to figure out he was asking what he was doing there. Connor reached forward and started signing in Evan’s palm.

‘Apparently, I'm your guide,’ he signed. ‘I know you don't like this, neither do I. But if I just leave you to fend for yourself, we’ll both get in trouble.’

‘I’m perfectly capable of finding my classes,’ Evan signed back. ‘I don’t understand why the school thinks I’m not.’

Connor rolled his eyes and started pulling Evan along with him as he walked to their class. Evan was struggling, trying to yank his arm back. Connor tightened his grip. He wasn't about to get in trouble with the school. Though he was sure the school was already aware of this and most likely told his parents. Add that to the never-ending list of not wanting to go home.

Evan dug his heels into the carpet, halting both him and Connor. Connor let go of the boy’s arm and turned around. Evan had crossed his arms over his chest and he was slouched, as if he was folding in on himself. His head was bent. He tried to reach for Connor’s hand, but missed and got his elbow. He ran his hand down the arm and gripped the tall boy’s hand.

‘I don't need your help,’ he signed. ‘I’m tired of people thinking I’m helpless. I appreciate your help, but I don't want it anymore.’

Connor didn't sign back. His face contorted into anger. His hands balled into fists, causing him to crush Evan’s sweaty hand. He pulled away, not missing the way he winced, and ran a hand through his hair, pulling at some strands.

This is what he gets for trying to be a decent person? Alright Hansen.

Connor stormed passed the blond boy, shoulder knocking him to the ground. He was at the school entrance when he made the mistake of looking back. Evan lay on the ground, his cane next to him and his sunglasses out of reach. People stared at him, then at Connor.

Evan was looking in his general direction and Connor could see tears glistening in his eyes.

 

Evan sat on the hard ground, staring at where he thought Connor was. Sensing eyes on him, he ducked his head and patted around for his glasses. He had heard them fall pretty far away, so he had to crawl around to find them. He probably looked like a freak. He felt people stare as he put the sunglasses on.

A single tear fell down his burning cheeks. All he said was that he didn't need Connor’s help. Did Connor hate him now? He probably didn't. Evan wouldn't blame him, how can someone tolerate a mess like him? All he does it stutter and cry over every little thing like talking in front of a class or getting shoved to the ground.

And now he was sitting on the floor in the middle of the hall and everyone was staring and whispering and probably laughing at him, which made him cry harder.

He wanted Charles. He wanted to run his fingers through his fur. He wanted Charles to lick his face and nudge his arms like he always did when he wanted attention or walks. Charles would calm him down, he always did. Just hearing him pant or whine would help.

With unsteady legs, he stood up and ran down the hall, pushing passed people, spewing out apologies. He knew the way to the farthest bathroom, so that's where he was heading.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, I’m deciding to cut the hiatus short. I think I have enough chapters to upload and not worry about hitting a writing slump. Updates will still be once a week unless something happens where I can’t update.
> 
> Also please feel free to comment ideas for chapters or to point out any errors I missed or ways I can make the story better. I do read all comments and try to reply to them if I can and I do take all constructive criticism into consideration.
> 
> Title - Elevated by State Champs


	6. Not The Person I Want To Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan squeezed Connor’s hand before he could pull back. Connor grimaced, but stopped. ‘Just talk,’ Hansen said. ‘It’ll help me calm down.’
> 
> Connor knitted his eyebrows, taken back. He was expecting leading him through breathing exercises or some shit, not just talking to him. What would he even talk about? The only thing he does is fight with his family, do drugs, and some other things he'd rather not openly share.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _Just don’t grow too relient on me_  
>  _‘Cause I’m not the person I want to be_

Connor sat on the bench outside the school, a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. His eyes were closed and his head was leaning against the brick wall. He couldn't help but think about what happened back in the hallway. The image of Hansen being helpless on the ground was burning into his eyes.

It was a spur of the moment type thing. He hadn't meant to hurt him, it just happened. Sure he was mad, but he wouldn't like people treating him like dirt. Or rather, dirtier dirt because people already do treat him that way. He wouldn't like the idea of having to be lead around the school. He's seen plenty of blind people in his life–alright, not many. But enough to know that they can get along fine in life without needing to be lead, either metaphorically or literally.

Connor flicked his cigarette, the ashes falling to the ground. He should probably go apologize. He dropped his cigarette and crushed it under his foot. He stood up, pulling the earbuds out of his ears. He liked the feeling of earbuds in his ears, even if he couldn't hear anything. He walked back into the school, skillfully avoiding the office. They saw him, but didn't do anything. They're too used to this to even care.

He walked over to where Evan was before. He was gone. Of course, he was probably in class.

_You idiot, didn't you see the tears? He's obviously in a bathroom somewhere._

He was about to walk to the nearest bathroom when his foot connected with something. He looked down and saw Evan’s white cane. He nearly tripped over it. He bent down and picked it up. He looked around and figured he wouldn't have gone to the bathrooms that are likely to be crowded–the ones by the classrooms and cafeteria. He was most likely in the one by the art room and gym.

Connor walked down the hall, passing the through the lockers to avoid being seen by teachers. Normally he wouldn't care, but if his response was that he was looking for the kid he was suppose to be looking after, that wouldn't settle well with them.

He approached the bathroom and pushed the door open. He let it slam shut behind him. He instantly noticed a hunched figure in the farthest corner. The blind boy had his sunglasses next to him. His knees were pulled up to his chest and his face was buried in his arms. His body shook with sobs.

Connor took a few tentative steps forward, not wanting to startle him. Apparently, his feet had another plans and decided to trip over a tile crack. He stumbled and held onto the wall to balance himself.

Evan jumped and looked up. “Hello?” he mumbled.

Connor kneeled down and tapped Hansen’s shoulder. He tensed up. Connor pulled a hand away from his face and signed his name. Hansen seemed to relax a bit.

‘I’m not good at apologies,’ Connor said, ‘so this probably won’t sound sincere. But I’m sorry. I didn't mean to push you. Well, I did but I didn’t think you'd cry over it.’ That wasn't true, but he couldn't have Hansen knowing that. He was supposedly a school shooter, he had to keep the image up otherwise people would tease him even more.

He could see the laughing already. _Connor Murphy? Feelings? Those words shouldn't even be in a sentence together._

Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say to the blond, and he cried harder.

‘Shit, sorry,’ Connor quickly said. ‘I didn't mean it like that.’

_What do I do?_

Evan squeezed Connor’s hand before he could pull back. Connor grimaced, but stopped. ‘Just talk,’ he said. ‘It’ll help me calm down.’

Connor knitted his eyebrows, taken back. He was expecting leading him through breathing exercises or some shit, not just talking to him. What would he even talk about? The only thing he does is fight with his family, do drugs, and some other things he'd rather not openly share.

‘Alright. I'm not really sure what to say, I'm not the most interesting person.’ He paused, looking around, trying to think of anything to say. ‘Ok, I guess I’ll just share random shit I know or do. I tend to put earbuds in even though I can’t listen to anything. I do a lot of shit just to piss my parents off. My father thinks that in a few short years, there’ll be a ‘cure’ for my deafness and that's why he doesn't bother to learn sign language.’

This was getting way too personal.

‘How do you know sign language anyways?’ Connor asked.

Evan’s breathing was back to normal, but he was still shaking. ‘When I heard that you were deaf,’ he said, ‘I decided to learn it in case we ever had to talk to each other. Guess it came in handy, huh?’

Connor smirked. ‘Yeah.’ He looked at his phone, noticing the time. Fifth hour just ended. ‘If you’re done crying now, we should probably get to class.’

Evan nodded and with the help of Connor, he stood up. The two walked out of the bathroom. Evan stopped just right outside of the door. He grabbed Connor’s hand.

‘Thanks,’ he signed. ‘You didn’t have to do that, but thanks.’

Connor beamed slightly at that. He hoped Hansen didn’t notice. He didn’t need the fact that he actually had feelings spreading around the school.

Connor let Evan walk ahead of him, remembering what he said about not needing a guide. He kept his distance, only interfering when he almost walked into the wrong room or made a wrong turn or almost tripped going up the stairs. He didn’t care if people were staring or that he saw them whispering. He even saw some of them go as far as saying slurs, right in his face. He just rolled his eyes. He’s heard them all before, he could ignore it.

If he was being honest with himself, he was glad he had been told to be Hansen’s guide. It made him feel wanted, which is much more than his ignorant family ever did. It made him feel like he could have a chance at being good. Not nice, not yet, but good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s 1AM, I should be sleeping. But instead I’m trying to get as many chapters as I can finished and ready to upload because wow, I spent my entire MEA break writing a Jared-centered side story that I want to upload but can’t due to spoilers.
> 
> Title - Back and Forth by State Champs (someone ban me from using state champs lyrics as titles please)
> 
> Please excuse any typos or errors, I’ll edit when I can. Feel free to leave comments stating what you liked, what I can improve on, or if you have chapter ideas.


	7. Pity Ride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He didn’t for Connor to respond and turned back around, walking out of the school doors. He sat on the bench nearby, waiting for Jared. Hopefully he won’t make him walk home again like the other time. His leg started bouncing as five minutes passed, anxiety starting to settle in. But really, when wasn’t he anxious?
> 
> He heard the sound of doors opening and looked to his left, hoping it was Jared. The person—or people rather, he could hear two sets of footsteps— didn’t call out to him, much to his disappointment. The footsteps stopped a few feet in front of him. One pair started walking toward him.
> 
> Evan’s leg bounced faster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated

Evan was glad it was Thursday, which meant it was almost Friday meaning the weekend was closer. It was only the second week of school, but he wanted it to be over. He only had one more class before he had to wait for Jared by the school entrance.

Evan was reading his Greek Mythology book when the teacher cleared his throat. Evan stilled his hand as the teacher began to speak.

“I know it’s only the second week of school,” he said, “but all throughout next week we will be working on a group project.”

Evan froze, his breath catching in his throat.

He felt the teacher’s eyes on him as he continued. “Don’t worry, you aren’t going to present it. But I will be picking the partners.”

Evan let out a sigh of relief and the teacher began calling out names. The boy went back to reading, though he wasn’t paying attention to it in case he missed his name and who his partner was. He just kept rereading the same sentence over and over.

“Evan and Connor,” the teacher announced. Evan lifted his head in surprise. He instinctively looked toward the door. Connor had told him that he sits near the door, but he wasn’t sure which seat. The teacher instructed to go sit with your partner.

Evan stood up, gathering his things and stuffing them in his backpack, and walked over to the general area of the door. Connor grabbed his elbow and pulled him into a seat. He squeaked, probably earning some stares.

The teacher explained the project. You had to go through a book or poem of your group’s choosing and find at least two examples of every figurative language as review. They also had to ask their partner questions about them so they could get to know each other. It didn’t even have to be a group project, but how else were you suppose get a bunch of teenagers to talk to new people?

Evan fidgeted with his backpack strap. He and Connor haven’t spoken since the hallway incident last week. He had forgiven Connor right away, but he didn’t know if the whole thing gave him the right to talk to him whenever he felt like it. He didn’t want to make him mad. He’s heard the rumors, and while he doesn’t believe them he doesn’t want to risk it.

He heard Connor shift a little, probably to face him. Connor drummed his fingers against his desk.

Evan, his hand shaking, reached over to try and grab Connor’s hand to sign to him. He missed and caught his thumb. Evan bit his lip.

‘What book should we do?’ he signed. ‘I was thinking we could do The Raven or something like that. We don’t have to if you don’t want it, it was just the first story that popped into mind.’

‘I don’t care what book we use, Hansen,’ Connor signed back. ‘Hell, I don’t even care about this project. But whatever.’

Evan frowned. He didn’t know how to respond to that. The rest of the hour was just them sitting in the desks, not speaking to each other. Evan kept fidgeting with his backpack strap or his shirt while bouncing his leg. Connor would occasionally tell him to stop and Evan would apologize before fidgeting again.

The bell rang and Evan stood up, slinging his backpack over his shoulders. He waited for Connor’s signal that he was ready—two taps on the shoulder. They walked out of the classroom, Connor lingering back a bit to give Evan space. The blond appreciated that, it made him feel more independent and less of a bother to people.

Evan stopped abruptly, making Connor collide into his back. Connor let out what sounded like a grunt. Evan turned to face him. He grabbed his hand, quickly signing.

‘If you want to come over to work on the project, I’m free whenever,’ he signed then dropped his hand.

He didn’t for Connor to respond and turned back around, walking out of the school doors. He sat on the bench nearby, waiting for Jared. Hopefully he won’t make him walk home again like the other time. His leg started bouncing as five minutes passed, anxiety starting to settle in. But really, when wasn’t he anxious?

He heard the sound of doors opening and looked to his left, hoping it was Jared. The person—or people rather, he could hear two sets of footsteps— didn’t call out to him, much to his disappointment. The footsteps stopped a few feet in front of him. One pair started walking toward him.

Evan’s leg bounced faster. Two fingers tapped his shoulder. He furrowed his eyebrows.

A familiar hand grabbed his. ‘I know we don’t know each other well,’ Connor signed. ‘But do you need a ride home?’

‘Jared’s giving me a ride,’ Evan replied. ‘He just. . . Isn’t here yet.’

‘It’s been ten minutes, he’s probably gone.’

Evan sighed and nodded. He stood up, grabbing his backpack and cane. He gently grabbed Connor’s elbow as soon as he heard him walking.

“Who’s this?” A female voice asked. A beat of silence. “Oh so this is him? Evan right? I’m Zoe.”

“Evan,” Evan repeated.

“That’s your name right?” Zoe asked.

“Yes it is, sorry,” he said furiously, shaking his head.

“Why are you sorry?”

“Well it’s just you said it and I just, and I repeated it and it’s just so annoying when people do that,” he stammered. “Sorry.”

“You apologize a lot,” Zoe commented.

“Sorry.”

The three stopped walking when they reached the parking lot. Zoe unlocked the car and the three climbed in. Evan had a bit of trouble buckling his seatbelt, not used to being in a car. He normally walks to and from school because he doesn’t want to bother Jared, but then Jared complains that his mom is wondering why Evan hasn’t been around and that it’s affecting his car insurance so once in a while he’ll accept a ride. Because car insurance is more important than friendship, right?

“. . . Evan?”

“Could you, could you repeat that?” Evan asked. “I didn’t hear you. Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Zoe assured. The car’s engine roaring to life startled Evan, making him jump. He could practically hear Connor rolling his eyes. “I asked for your address.”

“Oh, it’s um. . .” He’s never memorized his address. He just knows that it’s the apartments by the school and it’s by a Caribou Coffee. “It’s the apartments near uh, near the school. I, I don’t know the, the exact address sorry.”

Zoe reassured him again and pulled out of the school parking lot. A finger tapped Evan’s shoulder three times. The boy turned his head to face Connor.

‘Sorry about this,’ Connor said. ‘She can be annoying.’

‘She’s not annoying,’ the blind boy responded.

‘You haven’t lived with her your entire life.’

‘You got me there.’

He felt eyes on him and faced forward, embarrassed.

“Sorry!” Zoe said. “It’s just a little weird seeing how you two talk. And I’m just not used to seeing Connor not fighting with someone.”

“Sorry,” Evan mumbled, fidgeting in the seat.

“That’s a good thing! No need to apologize.”

Evan fought the urge to apologize again. Instead, he leaned his head against the cool window.

Ten minutes passed and the car rolled to a stop. Zoe read the apartment complex name out loud and Evan confirmed it. Unblocking himself, he opened the door and stumbled out. His backpack got caught on the door handle. He pulled it free without ripping it.

“Do you need help?” Zoe asked.

“No, no I’m, I’m okay. I can handle myself.” Grabbing his cane, he shut the car door and started walking toward the building. He tripped over the curb. He blushed, hoping Connor and Zoe didn’t see that.

He successfully made it inside the building. He was still embarrassed over what happened and on top of that, today had been stressful so when he got into his apartment, he was going to take a nap and forget about everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m going to start updating every four days instead of once a week
> 
> Title - my friend came up with it, credit to her
> 
> Feel free to comment what you enjoyed, what I can improve on, and chapter ideas


	8. Quite The Problem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He shook his head. Cynthia’s smile faulted a bit, making guilt grow in Connor’s stomach. He sighed and grabbed a single carrot, not bothering with the dressing, just to please Cynthia. Her smile grew a bit and she left. The plate remained on the table.
> 
> Connor bit into the carrot, grimacing at the taste. He forced himself to swallow. He didn’t have the best eating habits and he knew it. Sometimes he’d go without food for days. He didn’t do it on purpose, he just never had the energy to roll out of bed and down to the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated

Connor slammed the car door, noticing the way Zoe flinched. A pang of guilt hit him, knowing he caused that flinch. Not just because the noise was loud, but he was the reason she flinched at noise in the first place.

Connor took large steps up the porch stairs and opened the door. He let the door slowly close before Zoe could get inside. He could sense her annoyance but shrugged it off. Throwing his shoes into the closet, he made a beeline for the stairs before Cynthia walked out from the kitchen and asked about his day.

He wouldn’t say he hated Cynthia, in fact she was family member he hated the least. But her way of showing affection and trying to relate to Connor wasn’t working. He appreciates the thought though.

He slammed the door behind him and threw his bag on his bed. He lay on his bed, face on his cold pillow. He nearly fell asleep when someone tapped his shoulder. He immediately thought it was Evan because that was their signal, but he wasn’t at school.

He lifted his head and turned to glare at whoever disturbed him. Cynthia stood above him, holding a plate of carrots and celery with some kind of dressing on the side. An unsure smile was plastered on her face.

She set the plate down on the bedside table next to her. ‘Hi honey,’ she signed. ‘How was school? Are you hungry?’

He shook his head. Cynthia’s smile faulted a bit, making guilt grow in Connor’s stomach. He sighed and grabbed a single carrot, not bothering with the dressing, just to please Cynthia. Her smile grew a bit and she left. The plate remained on the table.

Connor bit into the carrot, grimacing at the taste. He forced himself to swallow. He didn’t have the best eating habits and he knew it. Sometimes he’d go without food for days. He didn’t do it on purpose, he just never had the energy to roll out of bed and down to the kitchen.

Cynthia stayed at home most of the time, unless she had to go shopping or some friends invited her somewhere, so she would often bring up food for Connor once she realized he never left his room. Might as well make her happy and not worry. She’d definitely tell Larry and that’s the last thing he wants. He could picture the fight now. Larry screaming at Connor about how hard his mother works to make food and he’s just letting it rot. Then he’d get mad because he can’t understand what Connor is saying. Connor would tell Larry to fuck off and storm out of the house and driving to that abandoned orchard nearby while smoking.

Finishing off the carrot, he rolled over onto his side. He briefly considered Hansen’s offer on working on the project, but there was one problem. He had no idea where he lived and it was Friday, so he’d have to wait until Monday.

There’s also the high possibility of Evan not wanting to see him on the weekend at all because he’s already forced to be around him all day at school. But he did offer. Although if he really meant it, he would’ve given him his address or his phone number at least. He has a phone, right?

_You idiot! You just dropped him off, you know where he lives._

He sat up, swinging his long legs over the edge of the bed. He stood up and stretched his arms over his head. He took two more carrots so Cynthia wouldn’t have a fit and left his room. He walked down the stairs and entered the kitchen. Cynthia was filling a cup of water. As stealthily as he could, he swept his car keys off of the counter and made his way to the entryway.

He nearly forgot to put his boots on. He decided to lace them in the car. He didn’t want Cynthia catching him because she’d ask where he’s going and if he ended up saying he was going to a friends house, she would cry and say, “Oh I’m so proud of you! Why don’t you invite them over?”. He might also tell her to fuck off or that he’s going to suck dick for meth and she would cry and say, “Connor watch that language and stop doing bad habits.” The worst part is she might tell Larry and he wouldn’t believe he had a friend or he’d yell at Connor for using such language around his mother. Either way, he didn’t want her to be around before he left.

He stepped out of the house, slamming the door behind him. He didn’t care if Cynthia heard him. By the time she actually checked to see if he left, he would be long gone.

 

He pulled into the parking lot of the apartment complex and turned off the car. Hopefully his presence won’t be unwanted. Although knowing his nature, it might be.

He stepped out of the car and immediately realized he had know idea which apartment room he lived in. He sighed and got back into the car. He put his forehead on the steering wheel. He really didn’t want to go home, but if he didn’t know which apartment was Evan’s, he had no choice.

Wait. He had passed a Caribou Coffee a block away from the apartments. He turned the car on and pulled out of the parking lot. He made sure he was going slow to prolong his time of arrival, mostly so that he didn’t have to go home soon but also because he didn’t really like human interaction.

Once parked and the car was turned off, he exited the vehicle. He made his way into the building. He was instantly consumed by the strong smell of coffee and freshly baked muffins. His stomach rumbled. He stepped into the long line and while waiting, typed his order on his phone.

He’s had enough experience in restaurants and cafes that he should type his order ahead of time so he didn’t have to sign and leave the barista confused while they fished for paper and a pen.

When it was his turn, he showed the barista—a young man who looked about Connor’s age with a red stripe in his hair. Connor noticed the burn marks on his arms as he made his order but didn’t comment. The barista wouldn’t understand him anyways.

The barista said something and handed him his order of two chocolate chip banana bread muffins and a hot chocolate with whipped cream. He set them on the counter and fished around in his pocket for ten dollars. He handed the money to the man and signed “thank you”. He balanced the muffins and cup in his hands.

Connor planned on just eating the muffins in his car until he spotted a familiar pair khakis and a blue shirt. Evan was sitting on a couch by the fire that was lit. A dog was laying next to him by his feet. Apparently his journey wasn’t completely hopeless.

Connor decided to join Hansen on the couch. He tapped his shoulder twice so he wouldn’t be startled. He jumped anyways. Connor sat down. He put his muffins on his leg and drink between his legs.

Evan turned to face him as Connor grabbed his hand. ‘Hey Hansen,’ he signed.

Evan visibly relaxed. ‘What are you doing here?’ He signed back.

‘I was in the neighborhood and wanted something to drink.’

‘I didn’t think you lived in the neighborhood.’

‘Alright, I don’t. But I wanted to take you up on that offer of working on the project, but I realized I had no idea what apartment you lived in and came here. Does that offer still stand?’

‘Yes, of course! Why wouldn’t it?’

‘It was a joke, Hansen.’

‘Oh. Well, we can work on it at my place.’ Evan let go to sip his drink with both hands. He set the cup down and resumed talking. ‘My mom probably won’t be home so we don’t have to worry about her. I have a copy of the poem but it’s only in Braille so you’ll have to look up a copy online. Sorry.’

‘It’s fine. I have the poem memorized anyways. A teacher made me because I kept skipping school during sophomore year. We can leave after you finish your drink if you want.’

‘No that’s fine,’ Hansen replied quickly. ‘I like my drinks to last and I don’t want you to be there when my mom gets home. Not that there’s anything wrong with you, it’s just my mom can get excited when I even mention someone besides Jared so I can’t imagine what she would do if she saw you.’

Hansen stood up. The German Shepherd at his feet stood up too. Connor had begun munching on a muffin as they walked out of the building. Connor lead the blond to his car. Hansen had let his dog jump into the backseats while he took the passenger seat. Connor climbed into the driver’s side and started the car, rolling out of the parking lot and driving the short distance to the apartment.

 

Saying Evan was nervous would be the understatement of the year. He’s never had anyone in his home besides his Mom and Jared and occasionally Alana Beck when he needed help with math. What if Connor thought his house was small? Apartments are small in general, but what if his was smaller than others? Evan wouldn’t know that, he’s never actually seen his home. What if Connor was used to large spaces? Did Evan remember to take out the trash? It was probably piled up by the door, which would stink when they got there. What if there was a pile of dishes in the sink? 

His breathing had gotten faster and he was messing with a small hole in the them of the shirt when Charles whimpered and placed a paw on his shoulder. Evan looked over in the dog’s direction. He stopped ruining his shirt and pet the dog’s head. He hadn’t realized how much he was making himself worry. He let his fingers run through Charles’ fur, letting himself calm down. He tried the breathing exercises Dr. Sherman told him about. Even if they rarely worked, it never hurt to try.

He didn’t realize they stopped until he felt Connor’s eyes on him. Evan opened the door and stepped out, Connor following. Charles leapt into the front seat and out of the car. Evan grabbed his leash.

Connor grabbed his hand suddenly, making Evan tense up. ‘If you don’t mind me asking, but where’s your cane?’

‘It’s in the apartment,’ Evan replied. ‘When I’m not at home or school, I like to use Charles to help me around. That way he gets exercise too.’

Connor let go. Charles stopped and sat when they reached the door. He put Charles’ leash in his mouth and his cup in his other hand while he dug around in his pocket for his keys. He felt around for the right one and unlocked the door. He felt a little silly because he had to put the keys in his mouth so he could hold his cup and the leash.

They got to the room and Evan unlocked it. He pushed the door but it wouldn’t budge. He furrowed his eyebrows. Did he forget to lock it when he left? He unlocked it again and when he stepped into the apartment, he smelled freshly baked cookies.

Heidi was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title - Wolf In Sheep’s Clothing by Set It Off
> 
> Feel free to comment what you enjoyed, what I can improve on, or any errors that I missed


	9. Count Me In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People are looking at me. I am now officially dubbed the stupid junior who managed to get so worried over a stupid project that he spilled his drink over himself and was mostly likely going to get third degree burns and have to go to the hospital. Which would mean mom would have to work more to pay for my hospital bills and she’d hate me-
> 
> Two taps on the shoulder made him freeze. He was spiraling again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated

Connor and Evan stood in the doorway. Evan was frozen, his eyebrows furrowed. A woman with blonde hair ending just below her shoulders entered the hallway. She was speaking to Evan.

“. . . Your friend?” Was all he caught. Evan stuttered out a response. He was talking to fast and repeating so many words Connor couldn’t understand him.

The woman directed her speech towards Connor. He was about to sign that he couldn’t hear, but Evan beat him to it. The woman gasped and covered her mouth. She spewed out an apology.

‘I’m sorry,’ the lady signed. Connor took a step back in surprise. He wasn’t expecting her to know sign language. ‘I’m Heidi Hansen.’

‘Connor Murphy,’ he responded. ‘How do you know sign language?’

‘My parents wanted me to be bilingual when I was younger, but I couldn’t speak at the time so they taught me sign language. I ended up forgetting how to do it, but when an eight-year-old Evan came to me saying there was a deaf kid in his class and that he wanted to learn sign language, I ended up learning it too.’

Connor nodded and Heidi directed her attention towards Evan. She said something to him. He mumbled a reply.

Evan kneeled down to undo the dog’s work vest and leash. Once free, the dog ran over to the grey couch and jumped on it, laying down on the arm. His paws hung over the edge and he rested his head on his paws.

The two continued speaking but Connor wasn’t making a move to try to understand them. He was busy looking at the apartment. There was an old box television with a Wii hooked up to it next to the patio door. Confused, he decided to ask Evan about it when Heidi left the room.

‘I don’t use it often because I can’t,’ was Evan’s reply, ‘but whenever Jared comes over, he turns on Netflix and I just listen to it.’

Evan walked over to the couch and sat down. Connor followed and sat next to him. They sat in silence for awhile.

‘I should probably go get my copy of the Raven so we can begin the project,’ Evan said. He stood up and walked over to the hallway and disappeared. Connor dug out his phone so he could look up a copy online. Upon turning on the phone, texts filled the lock screen. They were from Zoe, asking where he was and that if he wasn’t back in time for dinner, Larry was going to be mad.

Connor’s reply was a simple: fuck off Zoe. He pocketed the phone right as Evan returned. He was holding a book of what Connor assumed was poems. He also had a sheet of paper and some other things. He had no idea what they were.

Evan sat back down, on the left side this time. Heidi came back into the room, saying that she was leaving for her next shift and would be back around six and if Connor needs a ride, she can drop him off.

When she left, the two boys got to work.

 

Heidi paced around in the living room, phone up to her ear. It was midnight and she was trying to be as quiet as she could. She had just gotten done with class when she got the phone call.

“Heidi,” the man said, “I know I haven’t been there but I care about-“

“You lost your chance, John,” Heidi interrupted, “you lost that chance when you left us. If you truly cared about us you wouldn’t have left.”

“I have rights too, you know!” John exclaimed. “I want to be a decent father but you won’t let me help, let alone be near him!”

“If you want to be a decent father, then why don’t you try talking to him?” Heidi stood in front of the door to the porch. “And if he doesn’t want to talk to you, then I guess that settles it.”

“Can you get him, then?” John asked, sounding desperate.

“It’s after midnight, why would he be up? And he has school tomorrow, so I’m not going to wake him.” Heidi turned and saw Evan standing in the end of the hallway, leaning against the wall. “I’ll have to call you back John. It’s very late and I have work in six hours.”

She turned off her phone before John could respond. “What are you doing up, Evan?” she asked, her voice low.

“I uh, you were kind loud and, and it woke me. What were, what were you talking about?”

“Your father had called saying he wanted to pay for your eye surgery,” Heidi said. She took a few steps toward her son. “He also said he wants to try to talk to you, but that’s up to you.”

Evan shook his head and walked over to the kitchen table. He pulled out a chair and sat down. “I don’t want him to.” He crossed his ankles and put his hands between his knees.

“Don’t want him to what?”

“Both,” he explained. “I just- why does he think he can ent- walk back into my life after nine years and make a big decision in my life? But. . . At the same time I want him to pay for it. That, that way you won’t have, have to work more hours to pay it off. I don’t want to be a bother.”

Heidi frowned and hurried over to her son. She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed. He let out a noise of surprise, but she didn’t let up. “Evan,” she started, “it doesn’t matter how much it costs. You are not a bother, a burden. Don’t you ever think that.”

“Sorry.” Evan fidgeted in his seat.

Heidi let go and smiled at him. “I love you.”

“Love you too, mom.”

“Why don’t you get some sleep?” Heidi suggested. “It’s late.”

Evan nodded and stood up. Heidi backed up and watched her son move down the hall. He stopped at his room and turned around. “And mom? Tomorrow is Saturday.”

 

Evan sat on the couch across from the fire in Caribou Coffee. He sipped his hot chocolate as he waited for Connor to show up. He had his copy of the Raven out on the table in front of him. They had planned to finish up the project which was due on Monday. Evan was afraid of what would happen after it was finished. Would Connor still want to hang out? Probably not, he was too odd and awkward. Who would willingly hang out with him? Not Jared apparently.

The bell above the cafe door rang and the door slammed shut. Evan tried not to jump at the noise. The couch dipped down and two shoulder taps caught his attention. He gave a small wave in the general direction, hoping Connor was there and that he wasn’t waving at a random stranger. Or the barista that made Evan’s order.

‘You ready to finish this thing?’ Connor asked. Evan nodded, although he wasn’t really.

‘We just need alliteration, consonance, and personification,’ Evan said. ‘I worked on it a little last night because I couldn’t sleep.’

'Aren’t those like, the hardest ones?’

Evan nodded. 'Which is why I saved them for last.' Although, now that he thought about it, it would’ve made sense to do it first. Because what if they got stuck on it? Then they wouldn’t be able to turn in the project, and even if it didn’t count toward your grade, Evan would till fail somehow because he’d probably get stuck on other problems involving those terms because he didn’t know how to find them the first time. And then the teacher would call Heidi to say that her son was failing class because of multiple missing assignments and she’d be disappointed because it’s only the first month of school and she would take longer hours so she wouldn’t have to see her disappointment she called "son" and if he failed it, then Connor would fail it and then he’d be mad—madder than he already is at him—and then-

'Dude, are you alright?' Connor asked. ‘You’re kind of shaking and rocking back and forth.’

Was he? He immediately stopped. “Sorry,” he said, momentarily forgetting Connor couldn’t hear him. He could feel his intense stare and he shakily reached for his cup. He sipped slowly, holding the liquid in his mouth, hoping the burning sensation would calm him down. “Let’s just get this over with.”

He was about to reach for the book when Connor stopped him. He looked over, furrowing his eyebrows.

‘Look, don’t think that I care, because I don’t,’ he started, ‘but I don’t think you’re in good condition to work on this right now.’

‘I’m perfectly okay, what makes you think otherwise?’ He signed so fast he wasn’t sure Connor got it all.

‘Your dog is staring at you.’

Evan looked to the floor. He bent down to pet Charles and realized his head was a lot higher than it was when he got here, so he was sitting up. Evan frowned and rubbed the dog’s head before turning back to Connor.

‘You don’t understand,’ he said. ‘If I don’t get this done, I’ll freak out more.’

‘We are not working on this until you’ve calmed down.’

‘I’m completely calm.’

‘Hansen, you look like you’re about to break your cup.’

Sure enough, that’s what happened. Evan yelled as the hot drink spilled onto his pants and shirt. Charles barked and hopped onto the couch. The hot chocolate burned his skin, probably going to leave a nasty mark considering he had gotten that drink only five minutes ago, leaving no time for it to cool down. Walking around was going to be fun.

Connor returned from wherever he went and pressed napkins onto Evan’s pants. Evan started patting down his clothes, hissing in pain. Charles rested his chin on Evan’s shoulder. Once the napkins were damp with hot chocolate and his pants were mostly okay, all of Evan’s senses came back.

_People are looking at me. I am now officially dubbed the stupid junior who managed to get so worried over a stupid project that he spilled his drink over himself and was mostly likely going to get third degree burns and have to go to the hospital. Which would mean mom would have to work more to pay for my hospital bills and she’d hate me-_

Two taps on the shoulder made him freeze. He was spiraling again.

‘It got over the papers,’ Connor said.

Evan’s blood turned cold. Was he joking? It had to be a sick joke to make Evan panic. There’s no way he-

Sure enough when Evan touched the paper, warm liquid met his fingertips. He could feel his heart spazzing and sweat forming on his back and forehead.

What were they going to do now? They had spent three days on the whole thing and right as they were about to finish, Evan had to go and screw it up all because he couldn’t keep his emotions in check. Now they were going to fail, Connor would blame Evan—he has every right to—and the stress of knowing he made Connor fail would eat him alive and he’d fail all his classes and have to live in a box on the street because he wouldn’t graduate and get a job-

Connor shook the anxious boy. ‘Stop crying, people are staring.’

He was crying? Evan put a finger to his cheek and it came back wet. He sniffed and wrapped his arms around himself. Connor grabbed one arm so he could speak.

‘Let’s go somewhere else,’ he suggested. ‘I know a great ice cream place nearby. You up for it?’

Evan reached out a shaky hand. ‘Count me in.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title - Dear Maria, Count Me In by All Time Low
> 
> Feel free to comment what you enjoyed, what I can work on, or any errors you see
> 
> Next chapter is going to be really short, I’m sorry. But it just felt like a good stopping point and I didn’t know how to make it longer.


	10. Find Out What We’re Made Of

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan frowned. ‘Sorry, I know I’m boring. If it’s that bad, I’ll change my order-‘
> 
> ‘Chill, dude. It was a joke.’ Connor pulled his hands away.
> 
> Right, of course. It’s just a joke. Too bad for Evan, he can’t tell when other people are being serious or when they’re joking and using sign language doesn’t make it any better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated
> 
> Please read the end note

Connor lead Evan to his car. Charles hopped into the back. Evan buckled himself in as Connor slammed the driver’s car door shut and turned on the engine. Evan reached over and started signing.

‘What’s the ice cream place called?’

‘A La Mode,’ Connor responded. The car rolled out of the Caribou parking lot. Connor was driving slowly. ‘Do you need to be home at a certain time?’

‘No,’ Evan said. ‘Please don’t sign and drive at the same time, you could crash.’

‘Not the first time I’ve done it.’

Evan sat back, leaning his forehead against the cold window. The road was bumpy, and Evan’s head occasionally banged against the glass. The car sped up as it turned. Evan gripped the seat so he wouldn’t hit the window again. He desperately wanted to tell Connor to slow down but that would mean signing to him which is distracted driving and then they’d crash and they’d die and their families would mourn and his mom would end up putting all her time into her work to try to ease the pain and Connor’s family would grieve and it would be his fault-

As if his anxiety somehow reached Connor, he slowed down. Evan’s breathing went back to normal and it took him two minutes to realize the car had stopped moving and was turned off. Hearing Connor open his door, Evan did the same. Charles jumped into the front seat and out the door. Evan grabbed his leash and held onto Connor’s elbow.

Normally Evan would be fine with just Charles leading him, but he didn’t know the area and he didn’t want to take any risks. What if he was hit by a car because he couldn’t see it coming and Connor was still mad at him because of what happened a week ago so he wouldn’t pull him out of the way.

Connor held the door open, the bell above chiming to signal their arrival. Evan mumbled a thanks and walked in. Connor lead him to the counter.

‘What do you want?’ He asked.

‘Vanilla in a bowl please,’ Evan replied.

‘Wow, you’re boring.’

Evan frowned. ‘Sorry, I know I’m boring. If it’s that bad, I’ll change my order-‘

Connor pulled his hands away. ‘Chill, dude. It was a joke.’

Right, of course. It’s just a joke. Too bad for Evan, he can’t tell when other people are being serious or when they’re joking and using sign language doesn’t make it any better.

Connor handed Evan his bowl of ice cream. The two walked over to a booth and sat down across from each other. Evan’s ice cream was too hard to scoop up, so he just moved it around while waiting for it to melt a bit. Plain vanilla.

_Just like your life. Plain, boring. Nothing interesting, nothing special._

Evan reached over to Connor. ‘Thanks for the ride,’ he said.

‘How else would you have gotten here?’ Connor asked.

‘I mean for Thursday,’ he clarified. ‘You didn’t have to do that, I would’ve been fine walking.’

‘I honestly thought about that,’ Connor said. ‘But then I thought I couldn’t just leave you there. And I. . . Want to be good.’

The ride was out of pity? Of course it was, why would Connor Murphy do anything without being forced. Wait, did he say he wants to be good?

‘What do you mean by that?’ Evan asked.

‘You’ve heard the rumors, Hansen. I’m not a good person.’

‘I’ve heard them, but that doesn’t mean I believe them.’

‘That’s why they become rumors in the first place, because they’re true.’ Evan pulled his hand away to eat a small bite of ice cream.

‘What do you want me to do about it? I’m sorry that sounds rude. It’s just I’m not good in these situations so I’m not sure what to say.’ Connor didn’t responded. ‘So. . . What happens after this? Do we go back to how we used to be? You disappearing for a few days and appearing the next? I enjoyed hanging out even if it was just for a project.’

‘Whatever you want, Hansen.’

 

Evan stood in front of his locker. He debated asking for help from a nearby teacher. Normally, Connor would open it but he hadn’t shown up yet. And Evan really needed his math book. He sighed and rested his forehead against the cold metal.

“Evan!” Evan spun around as he heard Jared running toward him. “Where were you?”

“What?” Evan asked.

“Saturday, remember? You said that you would come to synagogue with me.”

“Oh my god, I completely forgot!” Evan exclaimed. “I’m so sorry, I was busy.”

“You? Busy?” Jared chuckled. “With who?”

“My project partner. We were working on a project for English and we lost track of time.”

Jared scoffed. “Whatever, it doesn’t matter.” Jared’s tone was agitated. “Just be sure to come over soon so my parents don’t take away my car insurance.” His footsteps disappeared down the locker bay.

Evan stood still, hands fiddling with his backpack straps. Jared had sounded. . . Scared. He’s never been afraid, he’s always making jokes at other people’s expense. The only time Evan had seen Jared truly worried was during freshman year.

Jared would talk to Evan is something was really bothering him, right? No because Jared only spoke to him for car insurance. The only reason he got Jared to talk then was because he had walked to Jared’s house and used every ounce of courage he had to demand Jared tell him what was going on. Jared hardly told him anything and then started yelling that he could handle it. Then he started going about how he was a bad Jew. Evan didn’t understand where that had come from, but he didn’t ask in case he started yelling again.

Evan was blasted out of the memory when the bell signaling to get to class rang.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, sorry this chapter is short but I just felt like this was a good stopping place. The next chapter is longer, I promise.
> 
> So over the past few days, I’ve developed a mostly solid outline for the rest of the story. I plan for there to be four story arcs. The first one (the one we’re currently in) is all about developing Connor and Evan’s relationship and establish other character relationships. The second arc which should be after chapter 23 is all about Evan and his anxiety and struggles. The third arc is about Jared (he’s human too!!) and his mother, the arc will mostly be from his perspective. The fourth arc is about Connor and him trying to reconnect with his family. Each arc will have about ten chapters each and if I stay on a consistent updating schedule, this story should finish around May or June with around 53 chapters.
> 
> Title - Count On Me by Bruno Mars
> 
> Feel free to comment what you enjoyed, what I can work on, or any errors you see.


	11. Hurt Is The Proof Of Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ride was silent. Well, it was always silent, but not that kind of silent. Connor wanted to talk to Evan, but he would have to take his hands off the wheel. He could try texting, but _distracted driving is bad, Connor_. So is getting high or “destroying his future” as Cynthia likes to call it, but that’s not stopping him. He released his tight grip on the steering wheel. He hadn’t even noticed he was strangling the thing until he was actually trying to pull it out.
> 
> He took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. _Calm down, Connor. Don’t be a freak._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated
> 
> I’m not sure if I should put warnings but just in case; mentions of self harm and suicide

It was the first day of MEA break and Connor had already gotten into two fights with his father. The first one was because Connor got high right when he got home and the second was because of how bad his grades were when it was only the second month of school. So naturally, Connor was in his room extending the length of his high because _fuck you, Larry._

It was only the second week of October, but apparently his parents thought it was cold enough to turn on the heat. That made it unbearably hot in his room because _hot air rises and his room was upstairs, Connor_. Why is that the only thing he remembers from science class?

Connor was lying on his bed in just a pair of boxers with a joint between his lips. His sweatshirt was hanging off the bottom left corner of the bed and his hair was up in a bun. He had his blinds closed so it was dark. _Like my soul_ , he thought bitterly. The only light was the light from the hallway peeking out from under his door. His small bookshelf was pushed against the door so nobody could get in. He could also lock it if, you know, his lock worked.

He threw one arm behind his head as he let out a puff of smoke. He needed to get high fast. His arms and legs were itching and were already red and puffy from constantly scratching at them. He lost his blade a while ago so getting high off his ass was the only way to ignore the urge.

One of the downsides to being high was he would get extremely hungry. He quickly finished the joint and sat up. He tugged on his jeans that were on the floor and stood up. He didn’t bother with his sweatshirt. It was too hot to put that back on and he would only be downstairs for a minute.

He pushed his bookshelf out of the way and opened the door. He walked down the short hallway and contemplated sliding down the railing. Realizing he wasn’t high enough for that shit, he bounded down the stairs, skipping every other step. He made his way into the kitchen. Larry, who was reading the newspaper, glanced over at him. Connor quickly made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, hoping to leave before Larry decided to yell at him more.

He took one bite and noticed Larry hadn’t stopped staring. Connor stared back.

“You should really cover your arms, Connor,” Larry said.

Connor rolled his eyes. _Maybe if you turn the fucking heat off, I will_. He raised his middle finger and walked out of the kitchen. On his way up the stairs, he caught Zoe staring at him from her room. More importantly, at his arms. He glared at her and stormed into his room, slamming the door shut and pushing the bookshelf back over it.

He put his sandwich on the empty plate on the table next to his bed. Cynthia had brought up some fruit and toast for breakfast when she noticed Connor didn’t come down that morning. He didn’t plan on eating it, but after one bite of the toast made him realize how hungry he was.

Connor laid on the bed, arms behind his head and legs crossed. He glanced at his phone, briefly debating whether or not he should try to start a conversation with Evan. After the project, they decided to keep in touch but so far none of them made a move to contact each other.

He reached for his phone, quickly unlocking it.

**Connor: my house is hot as balls and my fathers an ass, wanna go do smth**

**Evan: What did you have in mind?**

**Connor: youll see**

**Evan: Connor. I’m blind.**

**Connor: figure of speech. Be there soon**

He pocketed his phone and grabbed his hoodie. He was zipping it up as he walked down the stairs. Ignoring his father’s disapproving stare, he swiped the car keys from the hook on the small bit of wall beneath a cupboard above the island. He made his way to the front door. He decided to put his shoes on in the car, but immediately regretted the choice as the asphalt on the driveway was ice cold and his socks didn’t do well to protect him.

He jumped into the driver’s seat and started the engine, turning the air conditioning all the way up. He finished tying his shoes when his phone buzzed in his pocket. He fished it out and read the message.

**Evan: Is it alright if I bring Charles?**

**Connor: i dont care**

Connor pulled out of the driveway. He tried to remember where Evan’s apartment was. He only remembered that it was by the school. He almost made a wrong turn but he spotted the familiar building in the corner of his eye. He turned sharply, probably earning some honks from other drivers. He pulled into the parking lot and saw Evan sitting on the stairs. Charles was laying next to him.

Connor turned off the engine and hopped out of the car. He walked up to the blind boy and tapped his shoulder. Evan automatically grabbed his elbow. Charles sniffed Connor’s foot. He lead Evan down the stairs and through the parking lot. Evan kept almost hitting cars. Why did the entire lot have to be full?

Evan got himself situated in the passenger’s seat with Charles by his feet. The dog curled up and laid down.

‘Are you sure you can’t tell me where we’re going?” Evan asked.

‘It’s a surprise, Hansen,’ Connor answered.

‘I don’t handle surprises well.’

‘Don’t worry, it’s a good one.’

Evan bit his lip and sat back in his seat, fumbling with the seatbelt. The engine roared to life, briefly startling Evan, and Connor rolled out of the parking lot.

The ride was silent. Well, it was always silent, but not that kind of silent. Connor wanted to talk to Evan, but he would have to take his hands off the wheel. He could try texting, but _distracted driving is bad, Connor_. So is getting high or “destroying his future” as Cynthia likes to call it, but that’s not stopping him. He released his tight grip on the steering wheel. He hadn’t even noticed he was strangling the thing until he was actually trying to pull it out.

He took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. _Calm down, Connor. Don’t be a freak._

It was a thirty minute drive. Why did this have to be out of town? Whatever. The longer it took him to get home afterwards, he better. He pulled into the parking lot of the old abandoned orchard. He turned off the car and told Evan he could get out.

Once they were standing next to each other, Connor started talking. ‘It’s the old orchard my parents used to take me and Zoe,’ he said. ‘I know you can’t see it, but I feel like you’d appreciate nature even if you can’t see. But now that I think about it, this was stupid. I’ll take you home if you want.’

‘No, no,” Evan replied, ‘this is perfect. Thank you.’

A small smile spread across Connor’s face. He took Evan’s hand and pulled him along. His palm was warm compared to his own, but he didn’t mind. He lead him to the broken gate that was close to collapsing at any second. The black gate was wide open from his last visit a week ago. He mentally cursed at himself for forgetting to close it.

Charles was sniffing everything as they walked in. Connor let go of Evan’s hand despite his internal protests. To hide that feeling, he picked up a small rock and chucked it as far as he could. It hit a tree trunk with a soft thunk.

‘I come here to think mostly,’ Connor decided to say. ‘Surrounded by trees where no one can see you. It’s great. You can also get high in peace.’ Evan didn’t respond, much to Connor’s surprise. He was expecting him to tell him off for doing drugs like everyone else does.

The brunet’s eyes wandered around the forest. He’s only been here in the dead of night, when no one would find him. When no one would miss him, if anyone did at all. His gaze landed on a spot nearby. Sorrow pooled in his stomach, his whole body going rigid. Flashes of an eighth-grader leaning against a rock with an empty pill bottle in his hands flooded through his mind.

Connor forced himself to tear his gaze away. His face was red with anger. He balled his hands into fists. He looked down when he felt something touch his leg. Charles was sitting in front of him and Evan was saying something to the dog. Evan turned to face Connor.

“What’s wrong?”

‘Nothing,’ Connor lied, ‘don’t worry about it.'

‘Are you su-‘

Connor yanked his arms away and crossed them. He slowly fell to his knees and sat down. He patted Charles’ head, thinking that if this calmed Evan down, it would help him too.

 

Connor pulled into his driveway after dropping Evan back home. They had spent the last hour just sitting in silence, then it started to pour so they scrambled to the car.

Connor slammed the car door shut. He locked the car as he walked up the porch steps. He let the front door close behind him. He considered leaving his shoes on but they were covered with mud and he didn’t want Larry to yell at him for being stupid.

He threw them into the closet and marched into the living room. Zoe was sitting on the couch, legs tucked under her and hands holding a cup of what looked like tea. He sat on the other side of the couch.

She set the cup down on the floor. 'What are you doing?’ She asked.

‘Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I wasn’t allowed on the couch,’ Connor retorted. He moved to stand up but Zoe held onto his hoodie sleeve.

‘I meant,’ she started, ‘ what’s going on with you? You never come out of your room and when you do, you’re hanging out with Evan.’

‘I’m able to have friends, Zoe. Not all of my life involves drugs and being depressed.’

‘I didn’t mean that, Connor.’ They didn’t say anything for a while. Zoe stood up. ‘I saw your scars. I’m worried, Connor.’

Connor scoffed. ‘You’re not the only one, Zoe. Everyone’s seen them and no one cares.’

‘I care. You may be the worst brother ever, but I care. More than you know.’ She turned and walked out of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m really proud about how this chapter turned out. Although it physically hurt me to write Connor’s texts.
> 
> Also ignore the note in the last chapter. I did something thinking about what I wanted to do for the character arcs and realized that if I want the arcs to be well written and have everything I want in them, there would be at least twenty chapters each and I don’t want this story to have 80-something chapters. So what I’m thinking now is that after Evan’s arc, I’ll end the story and write a sequel for Jared and Connor’s arc. That way I can make the arcs longer and get better at writing them in character and work on adding more detail and all that good stuff.  
> Although I’m not completely sure about this. I might still stick with having the arcs in one story and having them shorter. Sure there would be extra stuff, but I could upload them as deleted stuff and one-shots. I’ll let you guys know what my final choice is.
> 
> Title - Mamma, Cut Me Deeper from Things To Ruin
> 
> Feel free to comment what you enjoyed, what I can work on, or any errors you see


	12. Your Friendly Neighborhood Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan held onto Connor’s elbow, letting him lead him up the porch steps and into the house. To say he was nervous was an understatement. He was on the verge of a full-blown panic attack. For multiple reasons; what if he asks where the bathroom is and ends up in a different room? What if the bathroom is upstairs and he falls down the stairs and ends up breaking his arm? What if the family doesn’t like blind people? That last one was unlikely, but his mind didn’t care at the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated

Evan was laying on the couch, listening to the TV. The movie Hocus Pocus was having a marathon all day and Heidi had made a stack of Halloween movies in case he got tired of it. He had searched through them and found The Addams Family Values in it, which he planned on watching next.

His phone buzzed in his left pocket. He pulled it out, hoping it wasn’t bad news. Though the only bad news he would receive was his mom canceling taco Tuesday like always. The robotic voice on his phone read out of the text and who it was from.

**Connor: Cynthia's asking about you. She wants u to come over for dinner some time this week**

**Evan: Oh. When?**

**Connor: maybe Saturday**

**Evan: I’ll ask my mom when she gets home**

Lies. He wouldn’t ask Heidi. He’d forget and then make up an excuse like she doesn’t like last minute arrangements. Plus she’s never home in the first place. He just wasn’t ready to meet an entire family minus Connor and Zoe.

**Connor: text her or smth**

Damn it. If he did that, she’d definitely be all over the idea so he wouldn’t be able to back out.

**Evan: She’s not allowed to check her phone while she’s working.**

**Connor: well just send it and shell check it when she can**

**Connor: do you just not want to come over? Is that it?**

**Evan: No, no! That’s not it.**

**Connor: then why does it sound like that?**

**Evan: I’m just not comfortable meeting a bunch of people at once.**

**Connor: it’s only my parents, you know Zoe**

**Evan: Still.**

**Connor: just ask your mother Hansen**

Evan didn’t reply to that. He let his phone drop to the ground.

He did end up texting Heidi just so that he wouldn’t be completely lying when he said that she said no. But around three in the morning, she said yes and that she’s so proud of him. No backing out now.

 

Evan held onto Connor’s elbow, letting him lead him up the porch steps and into the house. To say he was nervous was an understatement. He was on the verge of a full-blown panic attack. For multiple reasons; what if he asks where the bathroom is and ends up in a different room? What if the bathroom is upstairs and he falls down the stairs and ends up breaking his arm? What if the family doesn’t like blind people? That last one was unlikely, but his mind didn’t care at the moment.

Evan untied his shoes and took them off. He wasn’t sure if the Murphy family was the type of family to take their shoes off or not, but Evan didn’t want to take any chances. He stood in the entryway holding his shoes. He didn’t know where to put them and it seemed rude to just drop them by the door.

Connor eventually took them from Evan and set them somewhere. Probably by the other shoes.

Evan grabbed ahold of Connor’s shirt sleeve. ‘This probably sounds silly but could you dish up my plate?’ Evan asked. His face burned in embarrassment. ‘You don’t have to, it’s just it’ll be easier for me to eat because I’ll know where my food is and if I dish myself up, I’m worried I might like stick my hand in mashed potatoes or something and that would ruin everything and then your family would hate me-‘

Connor grabbed Evan’s wrist, making him stop signing. ‘It’ll be okay,’ Connor said, ‘it’ll be weird but sure, I’ll do it. Although I doubt you would ruin the entire dinner. Potatoes maybe, but don’t worry.’ 

Evan’s breathing got faster and he dropped his head so Connor couldn’t see possible tears escape. He took his hands away and wrapped his arms around himself. His cane fell to the ground, making Evan jump at the noise. He had no idea what Connor was doing, but he heard him shuffling around.

God how he wished he was home with his mom or Charles. He clearly wasn’t ready to meet a family if he was worried about ruining a bowl of potatoes that he wouldn’t eat anyways because he’d be too nervous to eat in front of strangers and he’s already nervous to eat in front of people he does know. But then they would ask why he wasn’t eating and what if they thought he didn’t like the food? Would they be offended? Mad? He can’t handle his mom sounding the slightest bit disappointed in him, how would he react if they got mad?

He’d rather fall out of a tree than have people be mad at him.

“Evan?”

Evan had his eyes squeezed shut, a method he used to try to ground himself. The smallest bit of pain from it kept him from dissociating, which he generally does when panic attacks arise.

“Evan?” Zoe repeated, her voice high above the boy. He hadn’t even realized he had kneeled to the ground. “Are you okay?”

_No_ was what he wanted to say. _Does it look like I’m okay?_ “Yes,” he answered instead, his voice hardly above a whisper. He took a few deep breaths, held them for five seconds, and exhaled. With weak legs, he stood up. He tried to grab onto something to support him and ended up grabbing Connor’s arm. Electricity shot through his hand when his skin came into contact with Connor’s and he quickly pulled away, blushing.

“What got you so worked up?” Zoe asked, her voice closer this time.

“Potatoes.”

Zoe made a noise of confusion but thankfully didn’t say anything. If she did, Evan would’ve started panicking again.

“Alright, well dinner is going to be ready in thirty minutes. It’s pork tonight.”

Evan opened his mouth to say something but Zoe walked away, her footsteps getting softer and quieter.

‘What’s wrong?’ Connor asked.

‘I can’t have pork.’

Connor lead Evan into the living room. He reached for the remote and put on The Office. Connor didn’t like the show, but it would pass time. He was probably as nervous as Evan.

Thirty minutes later, Connor’s mom walked into the room, saying dinner was ready. Evan stood up, alerting Connor to do the same. The two walked into the kitchen. Evan felt around for a chair and pulled it out when he found it. He sat down and scooted close to the table.

“I hope you all like it,” Connor’s mom said. Evan quickly signed to Connor where to put everything. Connor did as instructed. “No pork?” His mom asked once everyone had filled their plates.

“I uh, I’m Jewish so. . .” Evan coughed. A beat of silence passed. “Thank, thank you for, for having me, Mrs. Murphy.”

“Oh please, call me Cynthia,” she replied. “And I’ve just been ecstatic to hear that Connor has a friend, so it’s my pleasure. The food would’ve normally been vegan, but I know how much people don’t like vegan food.” She laughed. “Now please, eat.”

Evan reached for his spoon. Or what he hoped was the spoon. He felt the top and confirmed it was indeed a spoon. He felt stares on him as he scooped up some potatoes. He ducked his head as he ate. The only sound was utensils on plates and it made him uneasy.

“So,” Cynthia said, “how do you and Connor know each other?”

Evan lifted his head at the question. “Oh, uh. He hasn’t told you?”

“He doesn’t tell us much.”

“Oh. Well uh, he’s, he’s my guide around the, the school,” Evan explained, setting his spoon down on the left to the plate. “I don’t, I don’t think I need one but it’s nice. Talking to someone.” His cheeks burned. He basically just admitted he has no friends. Which is true, but he doesn’t want people knowing that.

Cynthia seemed content with that answer.

Mr. Murphy cleared his throat. “If you don’t mind me asking, how long have you been blind?”

“Larry!” Cynthia exclaimed, “that’s personal, you shouldn’t ask that.”

“It’s, uh it’s okay Mrs. Murphy,” Evan stammered quickly. He placed his hands in his lap, waiting a bit before answering. “Ten years.”

“Goodness,” he heard Cynthia murmur.

“I uh, there was a crash,” he continued, “with my Dad. It was winter and the road was covered in ice. I kept worrying that we would slide or something and he kept telling me to calm down, but uh anxiety just doesn’t let you do that.” He felt himself start to shake lightly. “Then a driver in the right lane slid on the ice and crashed into us. They, the doctors, preformed surgery but it didn’t work. My sight was gone.”

Tension filled the room. No one spoke. Connor tapped his wrist. Evan turned and faced him.

‘You okay?’

Evan nodded. “It’s not that bad,” he said to the Murphys, hoping to ease the pressure in the air, “once you get used to it. My dog helps me walk around the town, I have my cane. And of course there’s Connor.”

“How do you use your phone?” Zoe asked.

Evan let out a breathy laugh. “Text to speech, Siri, all that stuff.”

No one asked anymore questions. There was the occasional comment about politics or school but no full blown conversations.

Connor tapped his wrist again. ‘You sure you’re okay?’

‘Yes,’ Evan responded, ‘why wouldn’t I be?’

‘You looked like you were on the verge of crying.’

‘I’m always on the verge of crying, what’s your point?’

‘Never mind.’

 

Connor drove Evan back home an hour later. Evan was about to get out of the car when Connor grabbed onto his sleeve.

‘Can I hang with you for a while?’ He asked. ‘When I get home, I’m gonna be bombed with questions and then everyone will start yelling and I’d like to delay that as much as possible.’

‘Why would they yell?’ Evan asked. ‘They seem nice.’

Connor snorted. ‘They were only nice because you were there. Trust me, they’re anything but.’

Evan sighed. He really wasn’t up to more social interaction, but he didn’t want Connor to hate him. ‘Alright, come on.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn’t find a lyric that fits the chapter, so have a crappy title made by me
> 
> For those of you who don’t know how blind people text, watch this video: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7j6F22RBr5M


	13. Skipping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And that’s how Evan found himself in the bedroom of Connor Murphy. It was awkward to say the least. It was the second time in the Murphy house and first time in Connor’s room. He felt like he shouldn’t be in there, like he was crossing an invisible line of defense and security. But if Connor allowed him in, he was going to swallow his nerves and bare it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated

When Evan woke up, the first thing he noticed was the dramatic decrease in temperature. His body shook and he tried to bury himself in the blankets on his bed. Charles, who was curled up near his head, sat up, not appreciating being woken up so suddenly. Evan shivered and sat up.

He climbed out of bed and wandered over to his closet. He felt around for his hoodie and fuzzy sweatpants. He took off his pajamas, laying them on the bed, and put the hoodie and pants on. He grabbed his cane. Charles jumped off the bed to follow Evan as he walked out of the bedroom.

He held his arms over his chest. Why did his bed have to be by the window? He held out his cane, swinging it slowly around until it collided with glass. He felt around for the handle and pulled the door open. Cold air blasted through the door.

He kneeled down and touched the ground. A thin layer of snow covered it. Sighing, he stood back up. He closed the door and rested his forehead against the cold glass.

“It’ll be gone later today,” he reasoned quietly wit himself. He didn’t necessarily hate snow, but it wasn’t his favorite thing in the world. There’s ice that comes with it, it’s cold, it’s wet, and it gets everywhere.

Evan felt his phone vibrate on and off, signaling he had thirty minutes until Jared picked him up. He wandered to the kitchen and felt around for his breakfast his mom would leave out if he didn’t wake up early enough to eat with her. His small meal that morning consisted of a muffin and a now cold hot chocolate from Caribou.

He would’ve made himself something to eat so his mother didn’t have to waste time cooking when she could’ve been at work early so she wouldn’t have to work late, but he was too worried he’d misread the instructions and burn the food.

He found a note from his mom saying Charles had been walked and fed and to have a good day and the usual I’m so proud of you he was sick of hearing. She tries her best, he knows that. But he hears that saying every single day ever since he was ten and frankly, he has a hard time believing it. How could she be proud of a mess like him?

He crumpled the paper and left it on the counter. His phone buzzed as he placed his hot chocolate in the microwave. He set it for forty-five seconds and fished out his phone.

**Connor: I’m picking you up**

**Evan: You don’t have to.**

**Connor: Too late, I’m already in the parking lot.**

Evan set his phone on the counter and took out his hot chocolate. He sipped it and winced, pulling the cup away. He took off the cap to let it cool down while he raced back to his room for his backpack. With his backpack slung over his shoulders, hot chocolate and muffin in hand, and phone in his pocket, he yelled a quick goodbye to Charles and left the apartment.

The moment he was outside, Connor tapped his shoulder.

‘You were waiting out here?’ Evan asked.

‘Well I couldn’t let you attempt to find the right car.’

Evan gave a weak smile and held onto Connor’s elbow. The two walked down the stairs.

When they got to the car, Evan asked, ‘Why’d you pick me up so early?’

‘Zoe has an early jazz band rehearsal and apparently that means I have to suffer too because my parents won’t drive her and let me sleep.’ He felt Connor shrugged. ‘It’s whatever though.’

Evan slid into the backseat while Connor went to the driver’s seat. The engine started up and Evan realized he forgot his cane. He reached up to Connor and told him.

‘Too late for that,’ Connor said. ‘If Zoe didn’t have practice, I would let you go get it but if she’s late, she’ll blame me.’

Evan slumped down in his seat, the seatbelt’s edge digging uncomfortably in his neck but he didn’t move it.

 

When they got to school, they didn’t leave the car right away. Zoe did, but she was almost late to practice. Evan had to wait for Connor, and they didn’t have to be to class for fifteen minutes.

Evan shot a quick text to Jared saying he didn’t have to pick him up. Jared responded with something about saving gas. Pocketing his phone, he turned towards Connor, reaching over the cup holders.

‘Aren’t you getting out?’ He asked.

‘To be honest, I was planning on skipping.’ Evan frowned. ‘You should come with. I mean, I’m skipping whether you come or not so you’d save yourself the trouble of finding classes.’

‘I know where they are.’ That was a lie. Evan knew what turns to make but he didn’t know where the stairs were or how many steps it took to get to the rooms. ‘But you do have a good point.’

‘Hansen, I’m not asking you to join me. But the offer stands. Can’t promise we’ll do anything fun.’

‘No, I’ll go. It’s not like I had homework, it was all tests yesterday.’ Evan climbed into the front seat. ‘And my mom is always working so she won’t notice if the school calls her. But this is a one time thing, okay?’

‘Got it, captain.’

 

And that’s how Evan found himself in the bedroom of Connor Murphy. It was awkward to say the least. It was the second time in the Murphy house and first time in Connor’s room. He felt like he shouldn’t be in there, like he was crossing an invisible line of defense and security. But if Connor allowed him in, he was going to swallow his nerves and bare it.

Connor knocked on the door or wall, Evan couldn’t tell, signaling he was back. He had went down to the kitchen for snacks so he didn’t have to face his family when they got home. He sat next to Evan, making the bed dip down, and placed the bag of food in between them.

Evan fiddled with a loose string on his jeans. He’s never skipped before, he doesn’t know what to do.

‘You want to watch a movie?’ Connor asked suddenly. ‘There’s a TV on my wall with a DVD player hooked up.’

Evan gave a small nod. He felt Connor stand up and heard the soft patter of his feet on the carpet. The DVD player whirled to life. Connor returned and laid out some things. Evan assumed they were the movies.

‘We have The Lone Ranger, all the Star Wars movies including the new one, the Babadook, Annabelle: Creation, and The Outsiders,’ Connor said.

‘Can we watch The Force Awakens?’ Evan asked, head tilted towards the comforter. ‘We don’t have to if you don’t want to, but it’s— I like that movie. It’s nothing compared to the original trilogy but yeah, I like it.’

Connor stood up, taking the movies with him. The case popped open and the DVD tray slid out. Then in. A few beats of silence passed and then the Star Wars theme blasted through the speakers. Evan jumped a foot up, hands placed beside him to keep him from falling off the bed. As the volume lowered, Evan found himself relaxing again, placing his hands in his lap.

Connor sat himself next to Evan again. Even if he couldn’t see it, he kept his head towards the TV, waiting to get lost in the movie.

 

They ended up watching the rest of the Star Wars movies—minus the prequel trilogy of course. Evan was resting his head against the wall while Connor was in the bathroom. Today was fun, even if he was hesitant at first. He didn’t even check his phone constantly for texts from Heidi wondering why she got a call from the school.

Which. He should probably do that.

He picked up his phone from next to him and turned it on. The phone read the time, date, and four texts. One from Heidi and three from Jared.

**Heidi: hope you had a good day honey! I managed to get Thursday off next week and set a reminder so I won’t forget. I love you**

Evan sent back a quick “I love you too” and listened to Jared’s texts.

**Jared: dude where are you? Why weren’t you at lunch?**

**Jared: you weren’t in third or fifth hour. Are you sick?**

**Jared: not that I care, just my car insurance man.**

Evan felt his stomach drop. Of course that’s all Jared cared about. When is he not bugging about the stupid car insurance? He turned off his phone without responding and let the phone drop from his hands.

Two taps on his shoulder. Evan looked up and reached his hand forward.

‘Bad news,’ Connor said, ‘Zoe was forced to take the bus home and now she’s probably going to tell Larry and Cynthia. They’re probably going to think I forced you to skip with me so it’s best if I dropped you off at your place.’

Evan nodded and stood up, immediately grabbing onto Connor’s shoulder for support. He had been sitting on his legs and thus, they were asleep. He blushed and when he regained his balance, he let go of Connor’s shoulder. But he grabbed onto his elbow and let him lead him downstairs.

The front door closed. “Connor,” he heard Mr. Murphy say. “Why weren’t you at school?”

Evan let go of the elbow so he could sign to his father. He faintly heard Mr. Murphy whisper something.

“He said that he was tired of the fucking school,” Zoe said. So she’s translating for him?

“You shouldn’t skip school Connor, that’s going to affect your chances for collage.” Zoe repeated Connor’s response. “That’s no excuse Connor, you’re practically throwing your future away!”

Evan found words spilling out of his mouth before he could stop them. “He doesn’t even skip that much anymore.” Silence. And suddenly all of Evan’s random courage melted away and his body was caving in on him. “He— I mean, at first yeah. He skipped. A lot. But, but now he, he doesn’t because. Because he’s my, my friend and I would miss my classes if he, if he didn’t help me around.”

“Evan, I know you mean well,” Mr. Murphy said, “but stay out of this.”

“But—“

‘Stay out of it.’ Evan faced Connor. ‘Please.’ Evan sighed and nodded.

“Look Connor, skipping by yourself is one thing,” Mr. Murphy continued, “but dragging Evan into this is something else. You shouldn’t risk his future because you’re careless with your own.”

The sound of a fist hitting something echoed through the room. Evan yelped and jumped back. Tension had a tight grasp on everyone in the room and would not let go. Evan held his breath, waiting with tense muscles and clenched teeth for the next bolt of noise.

Nothing happened.

Silence was worse than noise, because at least with noise you know what’s happening. But with silence, you don’t know what to expect and your nerves scream, sending blaring warning alarms to your brain, and the fear creeps up your back and wraps its slimy fingers around your heart, crushing it with its tight hold. _‘Warning, warning! Proceed with extreme caution. Or better yet, turn around. Go home. Cry about it while your dog licks away the tears and is confused about why more keep falling.’_

Evan didn’t realize Connor was in front of him until he felt a pair of skinny arms around him. Connor was. . . Hugging him? His breathing went back to normal. Connor felt him relax and let go.

‘Sorry,’ Evan said slowly. ‘I didn’t mean to panic. It’s just, you scared me with that noise.’

‘I’m sorry my dad was an ass. But let’s get you home, you look like you could use an eight hour nap.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In The Bedroom Down The Hall has me f u c k e d u p
> 
> Also if you didnt know Ben is no longer in DEH, Instagram blew up over it and Rachel Bay Jones spammed everyone’s feed with old pics of Ben and the cast and destroyed our tear ducts
> 
> Sorry this chapter is late, I had a hard time writing this because the next few chapters are all filler (they won’t be uploaded on schedule, sorry. But filler chapters are really hard for me to write) and I’m working on two side stories for this fic (one Jared and one Connor. Said stories will be published when their respective arcs are finished)
> 
> Title - made by me because I couldn’t find a lyric to go with the fucking chapter


	14. Anything To Make You Happy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halfway through the movie, Heidi got an idea. “You have some batter on your face,” she said.
> 
> Evan turned. “Where?”
> 
> She scooped a small bit of batter onto her finger and poked his nose. “There.”
> 
> Evan stared for a while before chuckling. Heidi smiled and looked back to the movie. What she didn’t expect was Evan smearing a line of batter onto her cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated

Heidi woke up that morning due to her alarm going off. She rolled over and grabbed her phone, squinting her eyes as the bright light shined in her face. She turned off the alarm and threw her blankets off. She stood up and walked over to her closet to get her work uniform. She was about to strip down and get dressed when her phone chimed again.

She walked over and checked it. Her phone had sent a reminder. That’s right, she promised Evan she’d stay home with him. When he got back, of course; he had school and she wasn’t going to let him skip just so they could spend time with each other.

She decided to make him a small breakfast instead of the store bought donuts and muffins she usually left him. She wandered into the kitchen and got down two plates along with a pan. She turned on the stove and walked to the fridge to get sandwich supplies. She was making Evan a fried peanut butter and jelly sandwich, his favorite food.

It wasn’t a traditional breakfast, but he liked it and mornings were the only time she could ever make it for him. So, it was a breakfast food now.

She set his sandwich on the table by his chair. She proceeded to make herself a simple bowl of Cheerios. She set the bowl across from Evan’s spot. She did the dishes while she waited for him to wake up. It was 6:25 so it shouldn’t take too long.

She heard the blaring alarm from down the hall and smiled as a quiet groan came from the room. The alarm stopped abruptly and soft stumbling could be heard. Five minutes later, Evan came walking down the hallway.

She bit her lip. She wanted to talk to him about last week. She had gotten a voicemail from the school saying he wasn’t in any of his classes. But he seemed like he was in a good mood when she got home that she just let it slide. Next time she wouldn’t go so easy on him. If there ever is a next time. She hoped there wasn’t a next time.

“Morning, Ev,” she said as he stopped in the hallway to yawn. He looked surprised and her stomach twisted with guilt.

“Morning,” he said softly. He had his cane in his hand, but wasn’t using it. Since Heidi was rarely home, she never changed furniture or moved things so he had the layout of the home memorized. He moved to sit down.

Heidi sat down too. “I made you a fried peanut butter and jelly.” The smallest smile formed on his lips. “So, I was thinking that we could have tacos tonight. Like we used to.”

Evan nodded and bit into his sandwich. They both heard his phone buzz and Evan fished it out of his pocket. He turned it on and the phone read the notification.

“Connor: outside when you’re ready,” the phone read. Evan quickly finished his sandwich and stood up.

“Doesn’t Jared usually pick you up?” Heidi asked, scooping Cheerios onto her spoon.

“Oh um.” Evan fidgeted with his sleeve. “He uh, his car is b— it’s in the shop.”

Heidi frowned at the obvious lie, but didn’t push.

“See you later mom,” he said. “Thanks, thanks for, for breakfast.”

She smiled. “Have a good day.” Evan nodded and walked out of the apartment. Heidi sighed and looked around. She wasn’t used to days off, especially ones where Evan wasn’t home; she didn’t know what to do.

She could clean. She had noticed the house was pretty dusty. So that’s what she did. She got out cleaning supplies and got to work.

She washed the cabinets in the kitchen because they were surprisingly filthy. She vacuumed. She dusted the tables and the ceiling fan.

She was dusting a table when she spotted the pictures. She set her feather duster down and picked one up. It was of Evan’s first day of kindergarten. He had wanted to look good so Heidi got him a new pair of jeans and a nice grey flannel that was buttoned up. Jared was peeking out behind him wearing a Mario shirt and shorts. Bandaids littered both his legs due to constantly playing outside.

Heidi smiled and set the frame down. The next picture was on Evan's seventh birthday party. Jared was there, along with a few neighborhood kids. Evan was blowing out candles, which made his cheeks look chubby.

The third one was when he was nine. It was Halloween and Heidi dressed him up as Wolverine. Jared was there again, wearing an Indiana Jones costume. Heidi noticed Evan was smiling, but not as wide as the others. She frowned and moved to the next one.

It was his first day of middle school. He was nervously playing with the straps on his backpack with Charles at his side. The school let him bring the dog to help him. Although a month into the school year, kids wouldn’t stop bothering the dog and he was left at home.

His first day of high school. The smile looked more forced than the others and it made Heidi's heart cry.

First day of junior year. He was hardly smiling. Heidi felt a tear run down her face. She was a horrible mother. Her son was clearing hurting and she’s never around for him. That’s why she took the day off, so she can make it up. Of course, she won’t be able to make up years and years of lost communication, but she can start.

 

It was 3:36 when Evan got home. Heidi walked out of her room to greet him, along with Charles. “How was your day?” She asked, hoping for an honest answer instead of a simple “fine” or “good”.

Evan bent down to untie his shoes. “It was. . . Okay.”

“Just okay?” Heidi held her hands behind her back. “Anything happen?” Evan shook his head and she sighed.

“Sorry,” Evan stammered on impulse. She quickly assured it was alright and he didn’t do anything.

There was a beat of silence before Heidi gasped. “I know,” she exclaimed. “We could bake brownies. You used to like doing that.”

Evan nodded. “That uh, that sounds, sounds good.”

“Well, I’ll look up a recipe and get the ingredients ready while you put your backpack away.” Heidi moved into the kitchen and started searching for bowls and mixing spoons and a cooking pan. She set them on a table and took out her phone to look for a recipe.

She had it written down on paper by the time Evan came back out. “Can you crack three eggs into the bowl?” She asked.

Evan moved over to the counter and searched for the carton of eggs and the bowl. He found the carton of eggs and opened it, being careful not to accidentally knock it onto the floor. He reached for three eggs and while attempting to balance two eggs in one hand, accidentally dropped one onto the ground.

He jumped backwards, nearly dropping the other eggs. “Sorry!” he exclaimed. “I, I didn’t mean— I just, I didn’t mean to drop it.”

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Heidi assured. “Here, let me clean it up while you get new socks.” Evan nodded and scooted back. Heidi walked over to the fridge where the broom and dustpan were—because everyone keeps it there—and walked back over to the small mess. Evan was leaning against the other counter, still holding the other two eggs, and sniffling. She quickly cleaned up the egg and put the broom and dustpan away.

“Hey,” she whispered, stepping closer to her son, “it’s alright. I know you didn’t mean to, it just happened.” She took the eggs from his hands and set them down.

“No, I know,” he said, “I just— today was already over, overwhelming a-and there was a test in algebra that I, that I forgot about and we have— we’re doing presentations in science. I’m sorry.”

“How about we just make the batter and eat it while watching a movie instead?” Heidi suggested. Evan nodded and wiped his nose. She smiled and grabbed the eggs. “You go ahead and pick out a movie, I’ll make the batter.”

Evan wandered to the living room and sat in front of the small tower of movies.

Heidi went back to the bowl and quickly made the batter. She was still mixing it as she walked over to the couch. Evan was holding The Santa Claus 3, his favorite Christmas movie. They didn’t celebrate the holiday, but Evan really likes the movies that come with the winter season.

She traded the bowl for the movie and walked over to the DVD player. She turned it on and put the movie in. She sat next to Evan, tucking her feet under her. She handed Evan a spoon and he put it in the bowl, scooping out some batter.

Halfway through the movie, Heidi got an idea. “You have some batter on your face,” she said.

Evan turned. “Where?”

She scooped a small bit of batter onto her finger and poked his nose. “There.”

Evan stared for a while before chuckling. Heidi smiled and looked back to the movie. What she didn’t expect was Evan smearing a line of batter onto her cheek. 

She gasped. “Okay, I should’ve expected that,” she laughed. She scooped out more batter and put it on Evan’s forehead.

They spent the next few seconds finding places to put brownie batter on each other, laughing and smiling. There was brownie batter in Heidi’s hair and on Evan’s glasses. They both stood up and headed to the bathroom to wash the batter off.

“Thanks,” Evan said suddenly as he was running a washcloth under cold water. “For, for this. This was fun.”

Heidi smiled. “I’m glad you had fun.” She sighed. “I’m sorry I’m gone all the time.”

“I get it,” Evan responded.

Heidi faced her son. “You know I love you, right?”

Evan nodded. “I love you too.”

Heidi pulled him in to a hug, earning a surprised squeak. She let go so he could finish washing his face.

“I would like to continue the movie, but I have some homework,” he said when he was done.

Heidi nodded. “Alright. I’ll call you when dinner’s ready.” She watched him leave the bathroom and enter his bedroom. She sighed.

Today was a good day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title - In The Bedroom Down The Hall from Dear Evan Hansen
> 
> Alternate title: cooking with Evan 101
> 
> I figured since I wasn’t going to write a Heidi arc (but there is a one-shot under works), I should have another Heidi chapter. It was hard to write because I have no idea how these two interact without it sounded awkward and forced. But then again, this is Evan so
> 
> Also I know I said that the Jared fic and Connor fic would be published with their respective arcs, but the Connor one is already finished so I’m waiting until this arc is finished so you guys have something to read while I work on the second arc. Although I have no idea when it’ll be finished. With my current rate, it might be late December or early January.


	15. Awful Ski Trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He felt ridiculous in his winter gear. No snow pants, but the jacket was huge on him. Larry had gotten it a few years ago, saying that he would fill it with all the muscles he would develop from sports. Connor wanted to laugh at his stupidity.
> 
> Zoe, on the other hand, looked good. With her pair of ugg boots and her pink jacket and pink earmuffs and white hat. She had a small cup of hot chocolate from the lodge and she sipped it slowly as she waited for the Sandra, the older Harris daughter.
> 
> Zoe could pull off her winter outfit, whereas Connor looked like he was a little kid trying on his father’s clothes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated

Connor was interrupted from his attempt at a nap when the bedroom door opened, making light flash in his eyes. He squeezed them closed tightly, rolling over so he was facing the wall in hopes whoever woke him would get the hint and go away. The person shook his shoulder. He groaned and turned his head, cracking his eyes open.

Zoe stood in front of the bed, arms pulled back slightly. ‘Get up,’ she said, ‘we’re doing the ski trip a week early.’

‘And nobody told me this, why?’ Connor signed lazily, hoping Zoe was able to understand.

‘You would’ve found any excuse to stay home and you haven’t been there in years. And i don’t want to hear dad yelling.’ Zoe pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. ‘So hurry up and pack, we’re leaving in two hours.’ She took a few steps so she was standing in the doorway. ‘Please try not to fight anyone.’ She left and closed the door behind her.

Connor sighed and buried his face into his pillow, hoping it would suffocate him or at least make him pass out so he could get a few more minutes of sleep. But then Larry would come in and for some reason, Connor wanted to listen to Zoe’s advice. So, he rolled out of bed. Literally.

He hissed when he landed. He lifted his right wrist and moved it a little. Dull pain shot through it. He might not be able to get out of the trip, but maybe he could use a slightly sprained wrist to get out of actually skiing.

He pushed himself off the dirty floor. He looked at the small rug he stood on and wedged his toes between the thick, woven wool. He should vacuum it soon. But that was a job for another day.

He dragged his tired self over to his dresser. He dug through the pile of unfolded and wrinkly shirts until he found one he liked. It was a Set It Off shirt. He used to listen to them when he was in eighth grade.

He slipped it on and didn’t bother searching for pants as he was wearing the ones from yesterday. As long as there wasn’t a noticeable stain, he didn’t care if they were clean or not. Then again, even if there was a stain, he still wouldn’t care.

He took out two more random shirts and threw them on his bed, knocking very well that the chances of changing his clothes over the weekend were low. He threw one pair of jeans over there too. He closed the dresser and made his way over to the closet. He dragged out a small suitcase from the far back and let it trail behind him as he walked over to his bed.

He quickly packed the shirts and jeans. He walked over to his small bookshelf and kneeled down, searching for a specific book. He spotted The Little Price and pulled it out. He ran his fingers across the slightly torn cover.

He stood up and made his way over to his bed. He put the book on top of the clothes, along with his phone charger. He zipped up the suitcase and rolled it over to his door. He let it rest against the wall next to it and walked out of his room.

He was not looking forward to a two hour drive with his family.

 

When they got to the Harrises large cabin, Connor’s mood changed drastically. His face turned into a scowl whereas he had a somewhat peaceful expression during the drive. Which was probably due to the fact that he was sleeping the entire time and didn’t have to see his parents bicker.

Cynthia and Larry entered the cabin first. Then Zoe, then Connor. Connor made a beeline for the old staircase when someone latched onto his arm. He immediately thought it was Evan before remembering where he was.

He turned to face the person and pulled his arm away. Cynthia had a pleading expression etched on her face. Connor sighed and moved with them into the large sitting room. The Harrises sat on one of the couches by the wall across the room.

Mr. and Mrs. Harris—he had forgotten their names—sat next to each other. Their two oldest children sat on the arms of the couch, on their phones. Lily, the youngest, was sitting on the floor. Connor gave a small smile towards her. She was the only human he liked in the cabin. She didn’t care whether or not he wore black all the time or if he locked himself in his shared room or if she had accidentally spotted his scars and asked what happened.

Mrs. Harris stood up and made her way over to the Murphy’s. She hugged Cynthia, then Larry, then Zoe, and she stopped in front of Connor. She raised her arms expectantly, and frowned when Connor wouldn’t do the same. Larry nudged Connor’s shoulder.

He raised his arms slightly and the woman wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling him close. Connor tensed at the contact and resisted the urge to push her off.

Mr. Harris walked up and clapped Larry on the back as he spoke. Seeing everyone distracted, Connor decided to slip upstairs. Despite the last time he had been there was three years ago, he remember the layout of the place almost exactly. He remembered that he roomed with the Harrises son and Zoe roomed with the daughters.

He walked down the short hall and faced the door on the right of him. He turned the knob and pushed open the door. The room was like how he remembered it; bunk bed pressed against the wall across from the only window, a single bean bag chair next to the only outlet, and of course scattered clothes. How there were already clothes when it hasn’t even been a day, Connor had no idea.

He noticed the bottom bunk was already claimed by a tiny backpack and pillow, so Connor threw his suitcase onto the top one.

 

Ah Saturday. The day that now usually consists of Connor sitting with Evan on Evan’s couch while watching some random show Evan chose. But that wasn’t the case. A Saturday in a cabin meant Larry would force everyone into the car and follow the Harrises to the nearby ski lodge. And since Connor hadn’t gone in so long, there was no way he was able to skip it.

He felt ridiculous in his winter gear. No snow pants, but the jacket was huge on him. Larry had gotten it a few years ago, saying that he would fill it with all the muscles he would develop from sports. Connor wanted to laugh at his stupidity.

Zoe, on the other hand, looked good. With her pair of ugg boots and her pink jacket and pink earmuffs and white hat. She had a small cup of hot chocolate from the lodge and she sipped it slowly as she waited for the Sandra, the older Harris daughter.

Zoe could pull off her winter outfit, whereas Connor looked like he was a little kid trying on his father’s clothes.

The two siblings walked next to each other while Sandra walked ahead of them. It was more like Zoe tried to keep up with Connor’s long strides while attempting to keep her drink from spilling onto the snow.

Connor slowed down so he lagged a bit behind her. Not completely behind, but far enough so he could send glares at the few boys that would glance her way without her seeing. He may be an ass two her 24/7, but he doesn’t want her to grow up too fast and get her heart broken because some douche couldn’t keep it in his pants and forced her into something or if he cheated on her.

He cared, he really did. He just didn’t know how to show it. And he regrets that.

Zoe threw her now empty cup into a nearby trash can and held her ski poles in front of her.

They sat next to each other in the ski lift. Zoe held her ski poles with her knees. ‘I’m glad you came with, Connor,’ she said.

‘Why?’ Connor asked. ‘I thought you would’ve liked a break from having me around.’

Zoe frowned. ‘Sure, you’re a pain sometimes, but I want to spend time with you. Like we used to.’

They were silent for a while. Connor looked at his knees. ‘I want to ask Larry for speech therapy,’ he said suddenly. Zoe looked at him. ‘So I can properly talk to him. Maybe that would stop the fighting.’

Zoe patted her brother’s arm, a small smile spread across her face. ‘I’ll be there if you need help.’ Connor nodded and they got closer to the top of the hill. ‘Race you to the bottom?’

Connor nodded again and Zoe jumped out of her seat. Connor followed shortly after. He wasn’t one for skiing to say the least, but if there’s one thing he liked, it was beating his sister at small challenges.

He was rusty from years of no practice, so he nearly wiped out every so often. Zoe was far ahead of him, steering passed other skiers and being propelled by smaller hills, making her get farther. Connor used his poles to push himself forward.

The cold wind was blowing his hair back, making his eyes dry, getting in his lungs and making it hard to breathe.

He passed some of the younger kids and they watched him in awe. He spotted Zoe at the bottom of the hill, waving at him. He waved back.

It took him a moment to realize that maybe he was going to fast and that Zoe was warning him about the rock in his path. He realized that too late and didn’t have time to steer completely around it. The edge of his ski caught on it and it sent him flying.

He landed in a large pile of snow. He popped his head out and saw Zoe running towards him. Well, running as well as you can while wearing skis.

‘Are you okay?’ she signed frantically. ‘Are you hurt? Can you walk?’

Connor blinked. Then he cracked a small smile. He chuckled a few times before breaking out into a full laugh. Zoe stared at him, eyes wide and mouth open. She probably thought that he was in so much pain that he was delirious.

But then she laughed too. She reached over and pulled him out of the pile. He brushed the snow off his pants and picked up his ski poles.

‘You should laugh more often,’ Zoe said, looking hopeful, ‘it’s good.’

Connor frowned and the happy mood was gone. ‘Why laugh if there’s nothing to laugh about?’

‘Connor, I-‘ Connor turned away from her and began walking towards the lodge.

 

It was Sunday and Connor wanted to go home. They leave tomorrow, he’d have to suffer one more day. He did have a good time with Zoe yesterday and he wanted that to continue, but that was quickly ruined when he talked with Larry about the speech therapy.

Connor laid on his bed, arms above his head and ankles crossed. He had earbuds in even if he couldn’t listen to anything. It was the universal sign for “fuck off” so if anybody walked in, they’d know he wasn’t in a mood to talk.

He rolled over and faced the wall. He wanted to go home so bad. He missed it. He actually missed it. Or really, it was more like he missed Evan. He wanted to hang out with him, even if it was just sitting in the same room, not speaking to each other. Hell, even if Kleinman was there.

Fuck. Why did he miss him so much? All they did was watch shitty movies that Evan insisted were good, but he can’t see the terrible CGI and Connor wouldn’t care because Evan was happy. And Evan would laugh at the terrible jokes and his nose would end up crinkling because he was smiling too hard and Connor couldn’t help but think that was the cutest fucking thing ever. And he liked it whenever Evan was comfortable enough to lean onto Connor’s shoulder. How peaceful he looked whenever he fell asleep on the couch. How Connor would get all flustered whenever Evan’s fingers brushed against his, how—

Oh.

Oh shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to up on Sunday I’m sorry. next chapter should hopefully be sometime during the next three days?? I’m trying to wrap up this arc before December ends but that probably won’t happen as there’s 8 chapters left and I cannot write anything for the life of me
> 
> I don’t think the Harrises names were confirmed??? Or how many children they have if they have any at all??? So I made up my own and gave them three kids
> 
> Also Connor Murphy is an impulsive person ;)
> 
> That was my shitty attempt at foreshadowing im sorry
> 
> Forgive any typos this was edited at 10PM on a school night by an exhausted boy who desperately needs sleep


	16. Do Anything For Ya

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A ghost of a smile was planted on Evan’s face, along with a large blush. ‘No one’s ever said that to me. Thank you.’
> 
> Connor was about to respond when Evan turned to face him and wrapped his arms around his waist. Connor froze, his arms raised mid-air. His heart was doing flips and it made him slightly nauseous. But in a good way, sort of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated

Connor watched Evan, who was sitting on the porch, listening to the rain. Connor refused to go out, he didn’t want to get his clothes wet. So he was sitting on the floor against the couch. Evan was sitting on the swing chair on the porch, gently rocking it back and forth. He wasn’t wearing his glasses, claiming he didn’t want them to get wet, so Connor noticed that his eyes were closed. He looked at peace.

Connor’s heart clenched. He didn’t know what to do with this new-found crush. Of course he would get one on the only person that treats him like an actual human. And that means he doesn’t know how to handle it. Does he tell him right away? Does he not? He didn’t even know if Evan was gay, why should he tell him?

Thunder shook the house and Evan jumped. His eyes were wide and he muttered something. He stood up and walked back into the apartment. He made his way over to the couch and sat next to Connor.

‘You looked troubled out there,’ Connor said.

Evan shrugged. ‘Rain means icy roads. No big deal.’

‘I’ll try to drive carefully.’

Evan bent his head down. ‘Just wish it was winter break so we wouldn’t have to worry about it.’

‘Damn right.’ The short conversation fell flat and Connor was trying to think of anything to keep it going. He wouldn’t’ve minded the silence between them but with this new found crush, he was sure to make it awkward. He searched his mind for something, anything. ‘Tell me something about Greek mythology.’

Evan furrowed his eyebrows. ‘Why?’

Connor shrugged on impulse. ‘It sounds interesting I guess,’ he said shortly after realizing what he did.

Evan’s face lit up and it made Connor’s stomach twist. He launched into something about Hades and how he wasn’t the bad guy in mythology. He was signing and talking out loud.

Connor was trying to pay attention. He was transfixed by how animated Evan’s eyes were despite the cloudy appearance. How he slightly bounced when he mentioned something he really liked. How he would accidentally repeat himself. How he—

Evan had stopped signing and was staring at him. ‘Connor?’

Connor bit his lip. ‘Yeah?’

‘Were you paying attention to anything I said?’

No. ‘Yes.’ Evan moved his hand, as if telling him to go on. ‘Something about how Hades wasn’t bad?’

Evan deflated. ‘Yes but then I moved on to how people think he kidnapped Persephone but he didn’t.’ Connor was about to apologize but he beat him to it. ‘It’s okay, I know most people don’t find this interesting and you probably think I’m weird because I know so much about mythology. I understand if you don’t want be friends with a. . .’

‘A nerd?’ Connor suggested.

‘Loser, actually, but nerd works too.’ Evan seemed to curl in on himself, his shoulders were hunched over more than usual and he took his hands away.

_Shit. Fuck. What do I do?_

Connor looked around, trying to see if anything could cheer the boy up. Charles wasn’t in the room and Connor didn’t know if he had any comfort objects in his bedroom. He wasn’t about to leave him to look.

‘Want to go to Caribou?’ That should work, right? He loves that place. Connor couldn’t care less about it, but if it made Evan happy he’s willing to tolerate it.

Evan shrugged. Connor bit his lip.

‘I’m sorry.’

That made Evan raise his head a bit. ‘For what? I’m the one who should be sorry. I’m a boring person.’

‘No,’ Connor interrupted, ‘you are not. Evan you are the most interesting person I’ve ever met.’ He felt a blush creep up as he said this. ‘You’re funny, you’re kind. Hell, you’re the kindest person I know. You’re the first person to actually try and be my friend. You are in no way boring.’

A ghost of a smile was planted on Evan’s face, along with a large blush. ‘No one’s ever said that to me. Thank you.’

Connor was about to respond when Evan turned to face him and wrapped his arms around his waist. Connor froze, his arms raised mid-air. His heart was doing flips and it made him slightly nauseous. But in a good way, sort of.

He slowly put his arms around Evan. Evan squeezed his waist tighter, making it slightly hard for the taller boy to breathe. Evan dug his face into the crook of Connor’s neck and Connor could feel warm tears on his skin.

Not used to being in this kind of situation, he awkwardly rubbed his hand up and down Evan’s back. His shoulder didn’t shake, he wasn’t sobbing. He was just letting tears free. And Connor let him. He let him take his time, letting out built-up stress.

He was used to that; laying on his bed while tears stained his cheeks. Nothing was ever wrong, he just needed an emotional release and the tears happened to get out before he took the usual anger approach of punching walls.

Evan unwrapped his arms and sniffed. He wiped his eyes. He reached for Connor’s hands. Connor grimaced at how wet and sweaty they were but tried not to pull back. He didn’t want Evan to think he was lying about everything he said before.

‘Thank you,’ Evan said. ‘So much. Sorry I got your shirt wet.’

Connor snorted. ‘Don’t worry about it,’ he replied as casually as he could. ‘You would’ve done the same for me.’

Evan nodded. ‘Not just that. Thank you for everything; helping me around the school, helping me with sudden panic attacks that shouldn’t happen as often as they do, and. . . For being my friend.’

Connor clenched his jaw at the last sentence and another blush rose. This crush was going to be the death of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title - Grenade by Bruno Mars
> 
> I honestly have no idea what this chapter is and I’m sorry. This is why I hate writing filler stuff
> 
> The only reason I’m able to write is because my sleep schedule is fucked up and for some reason I write better at night. This chapter is short and Connor is probably OOC sorry
> 
> Also happy Hanukkah to all my Jewish readers! I know the first day was the 12th but I uploaded this chapter late and couldn’t say it earlier


	17. Beside You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone nudged his elbow. Connor slid his eyes over to his right and saw Jared Kleinman looking at him. He waggled his eyebrows and subtly cocked his head over to Evan.
> 
> Connor rolled his eyes and flipped him over, trying to act cool but a small blush covered his cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated

School is shit. Everyone could agree with that. Connor agreed with that so much that he would skip a few days, sometimes even the whole week. But now he had a reason to go and it wasn’t because he suddenly started caring about his grades and classes. It was because he had Evan.

Evan, the boy who made the building and gross food tolerable. Evan, who made Connor able to get out of bed in the morning with his little “good morning” texts. Evan, who relied on Connor to help him around the school and feel wanted. Evan, who would always ask about Connor’s mental health and if he was alright. Evan, who Connor was absolutely in love with.

Okay. Love was a strong word. But strong feelings for the blind boy were there and as much as Connor didn’t want to admit it, he couldn’t ignore them. Or, he could. But that wouldn’t end well.

Of course he just had to develop feelings for the first friend he’s ever had. It’s just like that time in middle school when a girl was nice and let him borrow a pencil. Connor spent the next two months completely infatuated with her. Then he realized it was hopeless and he was probably creeping her out. He didn’t like to remember that he cried about it for a month afterwards.

So there he was, sitting in class and pretending to pay attention. But he was really just staring at Evan in a totally not creepy way. He had his head up and was running his left hand across his math textbook and his right hand was writing down notes. It looked weird to Connor because he was using that Braille pressing thing and was writing right to left.

Someone nudged his elbow. Connor slid his eyes over to his right and saw Jared Kleinman looking at him. He waggled his eyebrows and subtly cocked his head over to Evan.

Connor rolled his eyes and flipped him over, trying to act cool but a small blush covered his cheeks.

 

Lunch rolled around and Connor contemplated on skipping it for multiple reasons. One, Jared would be there and probably tease him about math. Two, Evan would be there and he’d run the risk of spilling everything because let’s face it; Connor is an impulsive person. Three, the lunches suck and the meat isn’t real meat. And four, he was craving a smoke he hadn’t had in a while.

So he decided to stroll out of the building and over to his car. He unlocked the car and slid into back seats. He dug out his pack of cigarettes and lighter. He would’ve gotten high, but Evan would probably smell the smoke on him and scold him about how drugs were bad and he would sound like his mother and Connor would probably yell at him by accident.

He let out a puff of smoke. He coughed, not used to smoking after a month. He waved the smoke out of his face.

He checked his phone a while later and realized lunch ended. Time sure flies when you’re not doing anything. He put out his cigarette and left the car, locking it as he walked back towards the school.

He saw Evan walking out of the cafeteria and made his way over to him. He tapped his shoulder twice.

‘How was lunch?’ Connor asked.

Evan shrugged. ‘The same as always. Where were you?’

‘Not eating that shit, that’s for sure,’ Connor responded. He scratched the back of his neck. ‘I was. . . I was smoking in my car.’

‘Connor, you shouldn’t smoke weed during school.’

Connor rolled his eyes. ‘This is exactly why I didn’t smoke weed. It was regular cigarettes.’

‘My point still stands.’

Connor nudged Evan’s shoulder with his own. The two walked up the nearby stairs. ‘Anyways,’ the tall boy continued, ‘I asked Larry for speech therapy. You know, so I can talk again.’

‘What did he say?’ Evan asked.

‘He hasn’t decided yet. Cynthia is trying to convince him and I think it’s working.’

‘I hope he says yes.’ Evan bent his head. ‘I’ve wondered what your voice sounds like. I bet it’s pretty.’ Both he and Connor turned red at the statement. Evan froze. ‘I mean, I hope that- I bet it’s nice. That’s what I meant. Yeah.’

They arrived at their classroom. ‘Well, whatever happens I’m there for you,’ Evan said before taking his hand away and walking to his seat. It was the seat in the front row near the teacher’s desk so it was easy to find. Connor casted one more glance at the boy before making his way towards his seat in the back.

Thankfully Jared wasn’t in that class because Connor definitely spent some time staring at the blond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive any typos, this was both written and edited by a sick boy after waking up from an 8-hour nap
> 
> Sorry these chapters are getting short, I’ll make it up after chapter 20
> 
> Would you guys like two separate stories for this or would you prefer one 80-something chapter story? I want all the arcs to be at least 20 chapters but I’m having trouble deciding if this should be one huge ass story or two seperate ones


	18. Let You Get Too Close

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apparently, Connor was high enough to take a large gulp from the cup. He hissed and coughed, spitting it back into the mug.
> 
> Evan jumped. “What happened?” he asked out loud. Luckily Connor had his eyes open or he would’ve missed that.
> 
> He set the mug down. ‘Drank too fast, drink too hot.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated

It was around eleven at night on Saturday and both Connor and Evan were still up. That wasn’t a big deal, that was normal for the boys. Except Connor arrived unannounced and slightly high. He and Larry had another fight; this time about how Connor was never home anymore and always with Evan. To which Connor wondered why that was a problem. He’d met Evan and knew he wasn’t a bad kid, why was Larry upset over that? So naturally Connor went over to Evan’s house as a huge “fuck you” to his father.

Evan, upon noticing how upset Connor was and how he smelled like weed, let Connor set up a game of Uno while Evan made hot chocolate. Connor ran a thumb over the small Braille at the top of one of his cards, slightly intrigued. He had no idea that they made games with Braille.

The small movement in the corner of Connor’s eye caught his attention. He turned his head and saw Evan slowly walking over to the couch with two mugs in his hands. Connor pushed himself off the floor and made his way over to Evan. He tapped his shoulder. Evan stopped. Connor took both mugs out of his hands and the blind boy seemed to relax and picked up his pace.

Connor furrowed his eyebrows at the way Evan’s shoulders slumped down. Did he get anxious with everything, even simply walking around his house?

The two sat down on the couch. Connor set Evan’s mug on the small table in front of him and told him where it was. Connor held his mug in his left hand and his cards in the right.

Apparently, Connor was high enough to take a large gulp from the cup. He hissed and coughed, spitting it back into the mug.

Evan jumped. “What happened?” he asked out loud. Luckily Connor had his eyes open or he would’ve missed that.

He set the mug down. ‘Drank too fast, drink too hot.’

‘Are you okay?’ Evan asked, eyebrows knitted. ‘Do you need cold water or something? I could put an ice cube in it to cool it down faster. I didn’t know how hot you like yours, so I just set it to two minutes like mine.’

Connor waved him off, his high making him briefly forget he couldn’t see him. Evan seemed to whisper his name and Connor just stared blankly at him. He blinked a few times, realizing he hadn’t actually responded. Maybe getting high before going over to your blind friend’s house wasn’t such a good idea.

He quickly grabbed Evan’s hand. ‘It’s fine, I’m just impatient.’

Evan bit his lip. The small motion drew Connor’s eyesight towards it. ‘If you say so.’

Connor cleared his throat and looked at the pile of Uno cards in front of them. ‘So how do we do this? Do I tap you when it’s your turn?’

Evan shook his head. ‘I should be able to hear the card being placed down,’ he told him, ‘if I don’t, then you can tap me. You can start.’

Connor nodded and looked at the first card already placed. A red zero. He searched his small deck of seven cards and pulled out a red five. He made sure to place it down loudly (or what he thought was loud).

Evan reached forward and ran his fingers over the Braille on the card. He shuffled through his pile and laid down a blue five. Connor frowned. He didn’t have any blues and the only five he had was a yellow, but that was the only yellow so that wouldn’t do him any good.

He decided to suffer and laid down the yellow card. While Evan did his turn, Connor checked his hot chocolate. He deemed it cool enough and sipped it.

The game went on for another ten minutes and pretty soon both Connor and Evan had one card. Connor had a draw four random card, but he didn’t want to subject Evan to that struggle and win the game at the same time. So he kept drawing until he had four cards, all different colors.

He jaw clenched. He placed down a blue nine and waited for Evan to do his turn. Evan was running his fingers over the cards absentmindedly. Connor leaned forward and tapped his knee. The boy jumped and lifted his head.

“Sorry,” he said aloud. He felt the card on the pile and frowned. He began taking cards from the draw pile. He lifted his second card and froze. His head slowly turned towards the hallway where the front door was.

A beat passed and Connor saw Evan say, “Hi mom.” Connor turned around and saw Heidi hanging up her jacket. She took off her hat, making her hair staticky. She brushed it down and turned around. She jumped back a bit when her eyes landed on Connor.

She waved. Connor waved back. “It may be a weekend, but don’t stay up too late boys,” she said while signing it for Connor. Evan must’ve replied because she smiled and walked through the living room and down the hall to where Connor assumed her bedroom was.

Connor turned back to face Evan. He looked like he was deep in thought. His lips were pursed and his eyebrows were furrowed. Connor leaned forward and tapped his knee, causing the boy to jump. His head snapped up and his lips were parted as if he was about to say something. His mouth opened and closed a few times before he bit his top lip.

‘You okay there?’ Connor asked. ‘What were you thinking about?’

Evan shook his head. ‘Doesn’t matter. Let’s finish the game.’

Connor frowned but let the game continue.

Evan won the game right away so they started another round. As the game went on and the draw pile got smaller, Connor got a sudden burst of courage he didn’t approve of.

He put down his cards, attempting to be loud so Evan would hear it. It seemed to work as the boy lifted his head slightly. ‘Evan, I need to tell you something.’

Okay, maybe that was bad phrasing. Evan dropped his cards, causing them to be face up. Connor scowled at his two draw four’s.

‘What is it?’ Evan asked, hands clearly shaking in Connor’s palm.

‘It’s nothing bad, don’t worry.’ Connor thought that over. ‘Well, it depends on how you take it. Hopefully it’s not bad.’

Evan’s shoulders seemed to relax a bit and Connor considered that a victory. ‘Alright, go ahead.’

Connor coughed. ‘I like you.’ There. His thoughts were out there. No taking them back.

Evan seemed to smile. ‘I like you too.’ Connor nearly choked in disbelief. ‘You’re a great friend.’ And there goes all Connor’s hopes.

Connor sighed. ‘That’s not what I meant.’

Evan tilted his head to the right. ‘What did you mean then?’

Connor took a deep breath. He felt his courage leaving quickly and he needed to do this. If it didn’t go well, he could always blame it on his fading high. He closed his eyes, forcing the last bit of courage he had to stay with him.

He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Evan’s. The blond froze. Connor pulled back right away, searching his face for any kind of emotion. He saw confusion, mixed with the smallest bit of fear. He instantly wanted to take it back.

Evan didn’t like guys. Evan didn’t like Connor. Evan didn’t feel the same way.

Connor’s stomach lurched. ‘Fuck I’m sorry,’ he tried to explain, ‘I don’t know why I did that. Sorry. I’ll just—‘ He ran a hand through his hair. ‘—I’ll go, I’ll leave you alone.’

He stood up quickly. He ignored Evan’s verbal attempts to stop him and he made his way to the front door. He pulled on his boots without tying them, put on his jacket, and left the apartment. He let the door slam behind him.

He leaned against the door. He let his legs give out and he slid to the floor. He let his fingers pull at his greasy hair, he ripped out a few strands. He cursed at himself, scolded himself.

Why the fuck did he do that? Evan hated him now, there’s no doubt. Why did Connor just assume he felt the same way when he didn’t even know the guy’s sexuality?

He sighed and stood up. He looked back at the door and debated if he should go back in and talk to Evan about it. That would probably lead to his heart getting destroyed and he couldn’t handle that at the moment.

So he walked out of the building and with the help of the lights, found his car. He started the car and slid into driver’s seat. He turned on the radio and blasted it so he could feel the vibrations. He didn’t care if he woke anybody up.

He pulled out of the parking lot, a newly made joint between his lips that still had Evan’s touch on them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title - Force of Nature by Bea Miller
> 
> I completely forgot that Connor and Heidi met so I had to rewrite most of this chapter. I’m a Professional Writer™
> 
> Merry Christmas! How was your day? If you celebrate it, what did you get? I got the DEH and Les Mis soundtrack, $100 in cash, $75 for Half-Price Books, and the usual chocolate my dad gets me every year and my mom stopped by and brought me and my brother both a bin of popcorn
> 
> I know I won’t be updating on the 26th so happy Kwanzaa to those who celebrate it!
> 
> I’m now winter break until January 3rd so I should be able to work on chapters more often. However, my body thought that making me sick and miss two days of school would help me with grades, so now I’m failing 2/6 classes so updates won’t happen a lot?? School comes first y’all


	19. I’ll Cover You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Connor: sorry about last night. Must’ve been higher than I thought.**
> 
> Evan’s heart sank. Scratch that plan. Keep this from Connor too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated

The events from last night kept playing in Evan’s mind. Specifically the kiss. Why did Connor do that?

And why did Evan not mind it? He was straight. Or at least he thought he was. He never had a crush in the past so he doesn’t know the signs of one.

Which is why he was on his phone looking up “Signs you love him” on Google. His phone read the first link out loud and Evan clicked on it.

**Question 1: Do you blush around him easily?**

Evan blushed around everyone. He clicked yes.

**Question 2: Do you get nervous around him?**

Is this a poorly made anxiety test? He clicked yes again.

**Question 3: Is he always on your mind?**

Evan bit his lip. That answer was obvious, but for a very good reason. If he thought of anything else, he’d put himself into an anxiety attack. If he thought about his mom, he’d worry himself about if he’s a bother to her. If he thought about Jared, he’d feel guilty for always bailing on him to be with Connor (he should make plans with him soon). If he thought about school, well. That was never a good thought for anyone.

He clicked yes. He zoomed through the rest of the questions and realized how deep into this “crush” thing he really is. His answer on the quiz was “Crush in progress”.

He swallowed. A few of the thing he could blame on anxiety except that he’s closer to Connor than his own mother.

He inhaled. He could accept this. This was alright. Except it wasn’t. If Claire Kleinman found out she’d hate him forever and would never let him hang out with Jared again even if it meant not paying his car insurance. But why would she ever find out? It’s not like he’d openly tell everyone he has a crush on a guy.

She would probably be able to sense it somehow. That image made Evan shiver. Okay so he was going to keep this a secret for now. Yeah. That would work.

So now all Evan had to do was tell Connor he felt the same way and ask to take things slow.

His phone buzzed and read the notification.

**Connor: sorry about last night. Must’ve been higher than I thought.**

Evan’s heart sank. Scratch that plan. Keep this from Connor too.

 

It was Sunday; one of the few days Heidi would not work. Probably because her co-workers kept making her stay home and rest. So she would mostly sleep. But today she had some errands to run and thought that having Evan go with would be the perfect bonding moment.

So there they were, in the middle of Walmart. She was reading the list out loud while Evan pushed the cart. Charles walked next to him slowly. Heidi was directing Evan when to turn and what direction as she tossed items into the cart.

He stopped the cart when he accidentally bumped into something. “Sorry,” he mumbled. He was bent over the cart with his arms crossed over the handlebar and head tilted down.

“What’s wrong, Evan?” Heidi asked, her voice soft.

Evan licked his lips. “I, it’s nothing. I just- school. Homework.”

“You sure it’s just that?” Heidi pushed. She made sure to keep her distance with the questions so he wouldn’t curl in on himself. She wanted him to speak at his own pace.

Evan nodded. His chest felt heavy, like a stone was crushing his ribs and lungs. “That’s, that’s all. It’s honestly nothing, I don’t know why I brought it up it’s stupid and I’m just being ridiculous and the homework wasn’t even that hard but I might- I’m worried I’ll get a bad grade that’s all.”

He took a large breath and held it. He just had to ramble. Now Heidi was going to know the homework thing was a lie because as far as she knew, he was never worried about homework.

It was a while before she spoke. “I can check it over if you want. I know that that’s not it, Evan. And it hurts that you don’t feel alright telling me yet, but I won’t push.”

Evan sighed and nodded. He didn’t have homework. Now he was going to have to dig out an old worksheet and pretend it was. But that would be hard because every paper in his backpack was graded.

Evan heard his mom’s shoes on the tile floor and pushed the cart after her.

 

School was the last place anybody wanted to be. But Evan hated it more than usual after his new-found crush. He would try his best to avoid Connor but they went they same way to class and had the same classes and lunch hour.

They walked down the hall to their second hour. Tension was the only thing either of them noticed. Evan wanted to reach up and cut it with scissors, but this is a metaphor and Evan doesn’t have scissors.

It was Connor who broke the awkwardness. ‘Again, sorry about Saturday.’

Evan blinked and ducked his head. ‘It’s okay. I get it.’ Connor seemed alright with that answer and dropped his hand but quickly grabbed Evan’s hand again.

‘Larry’s letting me get speech therapy,’ he said. ‘My first session is this Wednesday. I’m having two sessions a week.’

Evan smiled. ‘This is great Connor! I’m a little jealous though. It’s not like there’s therapy to help me with sight.’

Connor nudged Evan’s shoulder a little too hard. Evan stumbled and let out an awkward chuckle. He rubbed his shoulder.

‘Never thought you were one for self-deprecating jokes,’ Connor said.

Evan shrugged. ‘Hanging around you probably did that.’ He tensed his shoulders. He was about to apologize when a low laugh came from the taller boy next to him. Evan’s heart fluttered. ‘I may be used to it, but I still wish I could see.’

They got to the classroom and went their separate ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title - I’ll Cover You from Rent
> 
> Short chapter sorry. I couldn’t think of what else to add and it’s been awhile since I’ve written from Evan’s perspective so I’m not used to it
> 
> This probably seems rushed and it is in a way?? I planned for Evan to discover his crush in chapter 20 but that didn’t happen. But don’t worry, I did some thinking and I think I have everything worked out
> 
> Four more chapters until the arc ends (ooh I’m excited)


	20. Secrets Are Spilled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So, you’ve been hanging out with Connor a lot.” Jared coughed. “What’s that about? You dating?”
> 
> Evan blushed. “No!” he exclaimed. “We just— we had a project together and we kinda. . . Became friends. And besides he leads me to class so that’s probably why you think we hang out a lot because we’re always near each other but most of the time we don’t even talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated

Evan walked up to Jared’s front door. Heidi dropped him off at his house after school before she left for her classes.

He decided to bring Charles because Jared absolutely adored the dog. Evan lifted his left hand and rang the doorbell. He fiddled with the end of Charles’s leash as he waited for someone to answer the door.

He heard the door open. “Hello Evan!” a female voice said.

“Hey, Mrs. Kleinman,” Evan answered. “Is uh, is Jared here?” He should be here, he was the one that asked Evan to come over. Unless he was joking and didn’t want to hang out. Maybe he was filming this to show the school how much of a loser he was.

But Jared wouldn’t go that far. Sure, he may poke fun at him all the time but he’d never publicly humiliate him.

“He’s upstairs in his room,” Mrs. Kleinman replied. Evan heard her step to the side. He walked into the house and Mrs. Kleinman shut the door. “Are you staying for dinner?”

Evan nodded. “Yeah, uh mom is at her, her class and she won’t- she has a late shift tonight. And I’d, I’d rather not order anything.” He kneeled down to untie his shoes. He tossed them over to the closet (He hoped it was the closet. He hadn’t been in their house in a while).

Mrs. Kleinman didn’t say anything and the echo of her feet softly padding across the wooden floor rang in Evan’s ears. The boy made his way over to the staircase next to the front door. He carefully made his way up the steps, fingers clutched around the railing so he wouldn’t fall.

He let his fingers run against the wall as he walked. He got to the third floor and knocked. The door swung open.

“Hey Evan,” Jared said. “Come in.”

Evan smiled in thanks. He gently tugged on Charles’s leash to keep him from sniffing everything. He stepped into the room and Jared closed the door.

“Glad you could stop by,” Jared continued, “parents almost took away my car insurance.”

Evan swallowed. Of course, the stupid car insurance. Evan forced a laugh. “Yeah.” He made his way over to Jared’s bed and sat down. He felt Charles curl up on his feet.

“So, you’ve been hanging out with Connor a lot.” Jared coughed. “What’s that about? You dating?”

Evan blushed. “No!” he exclaimed. “We just— we had a project together and we kinda. . . Became friends. And besides he leads me to class so that’s probably why you think we hang out a lot because we’re always near each other but most of the time we don’t even talk.”

He sensed Jared’s eyes on him. He was probably not believing anything he’d just said. Evan bent his head and picked at the skin around his fingernails.

“Alright, what’s wrong?”

Evan looked up. “What do you mean?”

Jared cleared his throat. “You only pick at your fingers when something’s really bothering you.”

Evan chewed on his lip and forced his hands apart. “Nothing’s wrong.”

“Evan—“

“Why do you care?” Evan blurted. He instantly tensed up.

“What are you talking about?” Jared’s voice was quiet. “Of course I care. We’re fam— we’re. . . We’re friends.”

Evan’s eyes widened. They were friends. Jared actually thought they were friends. Not family friends. That word flooded through Evan’s mind. _Friend friend friendfriendfriend._

He was so caught up with his thoughts that he didn’t even register the fact that Jared was calling his name.

“I like Connor!” he yelled on impulse. He slapped a hand over his mouth.

Jared didn’t say anything for a while. Then he started laughing. “About time you figured that out. I’ve seen the way you two look at each other. So, you’ve told him?”

Evan shook his head. “He confessed to me but he blamed it on being high afterwards.”

Jared inhaled sharply. ‘Oh man, that must suck. But if it makes you feel better, I’m practically in the same boat.”

“You are?”

Jared hummed in confirmation. “It’s whatever though. Wanna listen to me scream at video games like a YouTuber?”

Evan nodded and shifted himself so he was sitting with his legs crossed.

After about an hour of listening to Jared curse and beat his controller into the floor multiple times, the video game sounds stopped.

Evan lifted his head up, confused.

“So,” Jared started, “if you like Connor, does that mean you’re gay?”

Both boys were startled by the sound of someone clearing their throat. “Jared,” a high pitched voice said, “what are you talking about?”

Evan paled. Claire Kleinman had heard what Jared said.

“Nothing, mom,” Jared said quickly and quietly.

She hummed. “I think it’s time for Evan to go home.” She walked out of the room.

Jared rushed over to Evan, who was trying to calm himself down. “Shit dude, I am so sorry. I had no idea she would walk in.”

Evan shook his head, unable to form words. This was it. No more spending nights at Jared’s house. No more celebrating Hanukkah together. No more after-school study sessions that ended with a movie marathon and worried texts from Heidi.

“Come on, you better go home.”

Evan let himself be dragged out of the room by Jared. He made sure Charles’s leash was wrapped around his wrist so he wouldn’t drop it due to his weakened grip.

He had to keep the tears at bay. Tears meant a full-blown panic attack that would take forever to stop.

He hardly registered the fact that they were now in Jared’s car and driving down the road. He didn’t hear Jared apologizing so many times. He didn’t feel his phone vibrate. He didn’t notice the way his body shaking got worse as time passed. He was just numb.

Jared had to shake him to get him to realize they were at his apartment. He thanked Jared for the ride and climbed out of the car. Jared threw out one more apology before driving away.

Evan walked into the apartment building and unlocked his door. The first tear fell as he let the door slam behind him.

 

It was around two in the morning and Evan laid on his bed on his side. He had his knees pulled up to his chest. Charles was sleeping next to him, his quiet breaths soothing the boy. His face was wet with tears that stopped coming a few minutes ago. Now he just sat there, numb all over.

He had spilled his secret to Jared’s mom.

No.

 _Jared_ had spilled his secret to Jared’s mom. But he didn’t mean it. They both knew how she was about that topic and Evan knew how deeply it affected Jared in his life. He hadn’t known Claire Kleinman would walk in at the exact moment when those words tumbled from his mouth.

And he had apologized so many times right after and while he drove Evan home. He didn’t mean it. But Evan had hoped that he wouldn’t say it while they were still in his house with his mom around. At school or outside is completely fine, he could say whatever he wanted about the topic. As long as he didn’t cross the invisible boundaries he didn’t know about.

But shit. Now Evan felt like he wasn’t allowed back to the Kleinman’s house and he felt weird just being around Jared at school.

Evan’s bedroom door opened. “Honey?” Heidi called out. “What’re you doing up? It’s a school night.”

“I couldn’t sleep,” he lied. It was sort of true; he was tired but his mind kept him up.

Heidi shuffled into the room. “Is everything alright?” Evan didn’t answer. “Evan?”

Everything came spilling out of his mouth before Evan knew what was going on. He told her everything; the kiss, the way Connor blamed it on weed, how he confessed to Jared, that his mom overheard. Everything.

He brought himself to tears again and he sobbed uncontrollably. “I just— I have no, no idea what to do.” The words came out incoherently.

The room was silent except for Evan’s sobs and sniffs. Heidi took a deep breath and made her way over to the bed. The bed dipped down and small arms wrapped around Evan’s waist.

“I am so glad you told me, Evan,” she said softly. “I love you no matter what. Do you remember what you asked me when your father left?” Evan shook his head. “You asked me if there was another truck coming to take me away, and let me tell you this: I didn’t leave then, and I won’t leave now. You mean so much to me, it doesn’t matter if you like boys or girls or both or neither. I’m proud of you no matter what.”

Evan’s sobs subsided and now tears just spilled freely down his face. He sniffed and wiped his nose with the back of his hoodie sleeve. He leaned into the hug and closed his eyes. He felt Heidi plant a kiss on his head as he drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 2018!
> 
> Title - I couldn’t find a lyric so have another crappy title made by me
> 
> I wrote the word friend so many times in this chapter that it looks weird and I keep thinking I spelled it wrong


	21. Take My Hand (Take My Whole Life Too)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor’s arms disappeared from his grasp. He took that as his hint to move. He gently pushed off with his left foot. He slowly glided across the ice. A small smile ghosted across his face as Connor clapped.
> 
> The taller boy moved forward and touched Evan’s hands. ‘Let me help you.’ Connor’s hands circled around Evan’s wrists and the boy was pulled forward. Evan gasped as he moved. One of Connor’s hands went away and Evan heard the sound of a camera going off. Did he just take a picture?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated

Connor arrived at Evan’s house ten minutes early. Evan was putting on his shirt when he heard the car honk. He rolled his eyes and smiled as he exited his bedroom. He had his cane with him. He decided to leave Charles at home.

He left a note for Heidi in case she got home early and slipped his shoes on. Another honk was heard as he bent down to tie the laces. He sighed and stood up, grabbing his keys from the hook by the door. He called out a quiet goodbye to Charles as he slipped out of the door. He locked it and put his keys in his jacket pocket. Except he didn’t have his jacket.

He hurriedly unlocked the door, hoping Connor wasn’t about to honk again. The closet was still open from when he put on his shoes. He took the jacket and walked out the door again. Once the door was locked and he knew he had everything—keys, wallet, cane, gloves, hat—he started down the hallway.

He pushed the apartment complex door open right as Connor honked again. The boy jumped back and almost slipped on a small patch of ice on the top of the stairs. He held on to the railing as he walked down the stairs as slowly as possible.

He made his over to the parking lot. A hand grabbed his elbow and he nearly screamed. Two taps on his shoulder calmed him down. Connor lead Evan to his car. Once Evan was buckled in and blasting the hot air from the heater, he asked Connor where they were going.

‘There’s this celebration thing at a park nearby and today is the last day,’ Connor replied. ‘It was a family tradition to go but we stopped a few years back. I kind of want to keep the tradition.’

Evan smiled. ‘Sounds fun.’ He leaned his head against the cold window as Connor drove out of the parking lot. He took off his gloves, not wanting for his hands to get sweatier.

It took them fifteen minutes to get to the park. Evan unbuckled himself and climbed out of the car. He put his gloves back on before grabbing his cane and taking Connor’s elbow. A strong wind made Evan shiver and huddle closer to the taller boy.

Connor stopped walking to talk to Evan. ‘There’s a store that sells Christmas stuff—I know you’re Jewish, there’s probably some Jewish things there too—there’s a hot chocolate stand, an ice rink, music. What do you want to do?’

Evan shrugged. ‘I want to check out the store but I don’t have much money.’

‘I invited you, I’m paying.’

Evan shook his head. ‘I should at least pay for some things. I don’t want you to waste money on me.’

‘If I agreed with you, I wouldn’t’ve suggested it.’

Evan sighed and the two started walking again. The snow crunched beneath Evan’s boots and the sound of music and children running flooded through his ears. He smelled popcorn, meat cooking, and other foods. He drifted over to the area the smell was coming from but Connor directed him away.

‘We’ll get food soon,’ Connor said, ‘but I’m not sure how well a full stomach would do with ice skating.’

‘We’re ice skating first?’ Evan turned his head towards Connor. ‘I’ve never ice skated before.’

‘It’s easy,’ Connor assured. ‘I’ll help you the entire time.’

The boys walked around for a few minutes until they came to a stop. The music was louder and Evan could faintly hear the sound of skates on ice. He was handed a pair of skates and Connor lead them over to a bench. Evan bent down to remove his boots and slipped on the skates. They were tight around his ankles. He laced them up—with the help of Connor—and stood up—also with the help of Connor. He folded up his cane and tucked it in his front pocket. It poked his stomach.

Evan walked slowly, holding tightly onto Connor’s shoulder. His foot hit the ice and he struggled to keep his balance. Connor moved in front of him and grabbed his hands.

‘Relax,’ he said. ‘Keep your knees bent and put most of your weight at the front of your feet. Have you ever roller skated in elementary school?’ Evan nodded. ‘Ice skating is sort of like that, only you need a bit more leg strength and balance. Take steps, don’t glide, take steps as if you’re walking.’

Evan took the smallest step forward and instantly gripped Connor’s arms. He took a deep breath before taking more small steps. The sound of people skating passed him made him anxious. Does he look weird? Most people here can skate and he’s probably the only one that needs help.

Evan threw those thoughts away. This was supposed to be a nice evening.

‘Try pushing off with your left foot,’ Connor suggested, ‘I’ll be a little bit ahead of you to watch out for others.’

Evan nodded. Connor’s arms disappeared from his grasp. He took that as his hint to move. He gently pushed off with his left foot. He slowly glided across the ice. A small smile ghosted across his face as Connor clapped.

The taller boy moved forward and touched Evan’s hands. ‘Let me help you.’ Connor’s hands circled around Evan’s wrists and the boy was pulled forward. Evan gasped as he moved. One of Connor’s hands went away and Evan heard the sound of a camera going off. Did he just take a picture?

Evan rolled his eyes and focused on pushing his feet to glide. After a while they went a bit faster, much to Evan’s displeasure. Eventually Evan got used to it. He started laughing quietly. Connor did too.

The top of Evan’s skate got caught on a loose piece of ice and he lost his balance. He landed on his back and ended up taking Connor down with him. He stayed like that for a while before laughing loudly. Connor joined in, although his laugh more of a chuckle.

Evan’s stomach rumbled loudly and he blushed. ‘Can we get some food?’

 

The two boys sat at an empty table. Evan had gotten a simple basket of cheese curds whereas Connor had gotten a basket of cheese curds also, hot dog, a basket of nachos, and a small soda. He said it was because this was one of the only times he got to eat something other than fake school food or Cynthia’s gluten free vegan stuff.

Evan was happily munching on his cheese curds as Connor loudly sipped his drink. He planned on buying Evan one but he kept insisting not to spend money on him. Which was quiet ridiculous in Connor’s opinion; why invite someone somewhere if you don’t plan on paying?

Evan quickly finished his cheese curds and waited for Connor to finish his. . . Everything. Evan leaned to his left and felt for the trash can. They chose a spot close to one so Evan wouldn’t have trouble locating it. He tossed his empty basket into the trash.

It had gotten significantly cooler. It wasn’t to the point where Evan was uncomfortable, but it was getting there. Connor had said earlier that the store had heating so they were headed there next.

Connor stood up and walked over to Evan. He heard a basket and other things hit the bag in the trash can. There was a light tug on Evan’s elbow and he got the hint to stand up. Connor lead him away from the food stands.

‘Is there anything in particular you want?’ Connor asked.

Evan shrugged. ‘I’m not really sure. I want to get my mom a late Hanukkah gift.’

‘I’ll help you.’

Evan smiled. The two quickly got to the store. The moment they walked in, Evan was swarmed with heat. He took a deep breath now that he was able to take one without feeling like he was going to choke.

He made sure to hold onto Connor’s elbow tightly as they maneuvered their way through the small crowd of people. People’s voices were loud and Evan couldn’t tell if it was because they spoke loud or if the noise was starting to overwhelm him. He hoped it was the former.

Every once in a while Connor would stop walking to tell Evan about a cute thing he thought Heidi might like. Evan felt like Connor was getting mad whenever he replied that it doesn’t seem like Heidi. Connor would move faster and it jerked Evan’s arm around every time.

‘How about this?’ Connor asked. ‘It’s a snow globe that says ‘happy holidays’ and there’s a snowman in it. Or there’s a picture from with snowflakes around it and a small Menorah in the bottom left corner.’

Evan thought for a bit. ‘The picture frame.’ Evan was handed the gift. He held it with both gloves so he wouldn’t drop it.

‘I still have to pick out some stuff,’ Connor said. ‘I need to get Zoe and Cynthia something for Christmas.’

Evan decided to loop his left arm through Connor’s arm. He was once again pulled along. They spent the next five minutes in the store. By the time they paid, Connor had his arms full with gifts. He had gotten pine-scented incense for Cynthia, a Christmas themed nail polish set for Zoe, a mini nutcracker for Larry, and a surprise for Evan.

The picture frame ended up costing fifteen dollars. So now Evan only had five dollars left for whatever else Connor had planned. 

The cashier had tightly wrapped Evan’s purchase in a plastic bag and handed it to him. Evan nodded in thanks and let Connor pay for his things.

Evan buzzed with nervous excitement. He rarely got surprises and when he did, his anxiety went up. It’s not that he doesn’t like surprises, there’s just a chance it might go wrong and someone might end up mad or hurt.

The blond stood outside the store, rubbing his knees together in hopes of creating some heat. He heard Connor shifting around through his bag. The plastic crumpling stopped after a few seconds. Connor cleared his throat and shuffled over to the nervous boy.

He felt a presence behind him and wondered why Connor was standing behind him. That question was quickly answered when something cold touched his neck. Evan’s hand went up to the thing and he played with it. It was a necklace with the Star of David.

He turned his head over his shoulder and a finger tapped him twice. He faced forward again.

‘Happy Hanukkah,’ Connor said.

‘Hanukkah ended two days ago, Connor,’ Evan replied.

Connor scoffed. ‘Whatever.’

‘Thank you,’ Evan said. ‘You didn’t have to get me something. You already made me happy by bringing me here.’ Evan felt his already blushing face burn more.

He could picture Connor shrugging at the comment. ‘It was no big deal. You have to get me something too,” Connor teased.

Evan balanced his picture frame in his elbow and leaned forward to smack Connor’s arm. ‘I have five dollars left.’

‘Kidding!’ Connor chuckled. ‘Are you thirsty? I’m craving some hot chocolate.’

 

The two boys stood on a bridge far from the celebration yet close to the parking lot. They both had hot chocolate in their hands. Evan had taken his gloves off so his hands could warm up faster. 

Evan leaned on the bridge’s railing. He had his eyes closed and he leaned into the cold winter breeze which was countered by the steam rising from his cup.

He turned his body so he was facing Connor. He set his cup on the railing so he could sign properly. ‘Thank you so much for bringing me here,’ he said. ‘I had a lot of fun. The skating was a bit scaring but I liked it.’

‘It’s a lot more fun going with someone,’ Connor admitted. ‘Thanks for going with.’

Evan smiled. ‘Of course.’ His heart started beating just a tiny bit faster. ‘You know how you joked about me having to get you a gift? Well, I actually have one.’

‘But you ran out of money.’

Evan swallowed. He raised a hand and placed it on Connor’s cheek. Both their faces burned. Evan’s thumb swiped over Connor’s lip. He could do this. No backing out now.

Evan stood on the balls of his feet and leaned forward, pressing his lips to Connor’s. He was about to pull away right after but a pair of hands found a perch on Evan’s hips and pulled him closer.

Connor’s lips were soft and tasted of mint and chocolate. A hand moved from Evan’s waist to his neck and the kiss deepened. Evan’s hands went up to Connor’s shoulder. The long strands of hair tickled Evan’s fingers and he twirled a finger around a strand.

Suddenly everything that Mrs. Kleinman had said a few days ago came flooding back to Evan. How she made noises of disgust as Jared lead him out of the house, how she flat out kicked him out of the house after what happened.

Evan ended the kiss and looked away.

‘What’s wrong?’ Connor asked.

“Nothing,” Evan verbally answered, “nothing at all. I’m just really cold.” He felt himself shrink. Connor wouldn’t believe that. He only ever verbally speaks around him when something bothers him. Well if he didn’t believe it, he didn’t push. Evan was grateful for that.

‘It’s getting late, too,’ Connor said. ‘We should go home.’

Evan grabbed his paper cup. Connor had finished his drink and was holding both bags with one arm. The two boys walked down the sidewalk, hand-in-hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title - Can’t Help Falling In Love With You by Elvis Presley
> 
> I’m apologizing in advance for the next chapter


	22. Crusin’ For A Bruisin’

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan frowned but knew it was true. He’s forgotten so many things when he’s been relaxing and Connor was present for most of those. Like when they were doing homework (more like Evan was doing his homework and Connor was copying answers—Connor had been accidentally learning Braille so he understood minimal things). Except they didn’t do homework because the moment Evan climbed on his bed with Charles curled on his head, he didn’t want to move. Connor had ended up forcing him into the living room with their backpacks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated
> 
> I’m so sorry for this chapter

Evan wasn’t expecting to find himself in the orchard again, let alone in the middle of winter. But Connor had texted him saying they were going for a drive and didn’t leave room for questions. So there he was, sitting next to Connor on the freezing bench they brushed off.

They’ve been sitting in silence for the past ten minutes. He didn’t want to push, but Evan really wanted to know why Connor dragged him to the orchard in below freezing weather.

Connor grabbed Evan’s hand. ‘Sorry for dragging you here,’ he said, ‘I just didn’t want to be alone after what happened.’

Evan sniffed; his nose was running from the cold. ‘It’s okay,’ he replied. ‘Can I ask what happened?’

Connor sighed. ‘So we had to open gifts early this year because we have to prepare food for Christmas Day. Apparently a bunch of family is coming over so we need lots of food. Anyways, I was opening my gift from Cynthia and I expected something shitty like socks. But I got three new candles and Larry knew what they were for and flipped out.’

‘What were the candles for?’ Evan asked.

‘Pagan rituals that I never do anymore because I don’t believe they work and it takes too much time and energy,’ Connor explained. ‘So Larry flipped his shit and started yelling and then I started yelling and it got out of control. I ended up grabbing an expensive tree ornament and threw it on the ground. I just. . . I had to get out of there after that.’

Evan squeezed the taller boy’s hand. He didn’t know how to respond so instead he leaned up and kissed his cheek. Well, tried to. He missed and ended up kissing his jaw. ‘It’ll be okay,’ he assured, rubbing circles on Connor’s hand with his thumb. ‘It may not happen tomorrow or a week after that, but you’ll be okay.’

Connor sighed. ‘I want to believe you, I really do. But after years of thinking the opposite, I’m not sure.’

Evan bit his lip. He understood where Connor came from. He laced their fingers together, halting the conversation. Connor’s hand was cold in Evan’s.

They haven’t really talked about the kiss; they both said they liked it and that was that. So now Evan didn’t know what they are. But that was fine with him, he wanted to take it slow in the first place.

A chill ran down his spine as the wind kicked up. He released Connor’s hand to pull his jacket tighter around him.

‘Can we go somewhere warm?’ Evan asked.

Connor laughed softly. ‘Evan, I don’t think that I’d be able to drive in the state I’m in.’

‘You’re not high, are you?’

‘No.’

‘You drove here when you were more upset,’ Evan said, ‘you would think you’d be able to drive when you’re more calm.’

‘Good point.’ Connor linked their hands together and pulled Evan up. ‘Let’s get hot chocolate.’

Evan smiled and let Connor lead him out of the orchard. They walked slower on the parking lot. Ice was everywhere, as Connor had warned, and the last thing they needed was a bruise on their ass from falling. When they got in the car (it was still on from when they got there ten minutes before), Evan put his gloved hands in front of the heater.

He leaned back in his seat and sighed. He felt something cross over his chest and realized that it was Connor’s arm. He was buckling him in.

Evan blushed and sat up. “I could’ve done that myself.’

“You looked so relaxed with the heat,’ Connor replied, ‘You probably would’ve forgotten.’

Evan frowned but knew it was true. He’s forgotten so many things when he’s been relaxing and Connor was present for most of those. Like when they were doing homework (more like Evan was doing his homework and Connor was copying answers—Connor had been accidentally learning Braille so he understood minimal things). Except they didn’t do homework because the moment Evan climbed on his bed with Charles curled on his head, he didn’t want to move. Connor had ended up forcing him into the living room with their backpacks.

After a while, Evan took off his gloves and wiped his hands on his jeans. He wanted to take off his jacket but he knew the moment he got out of the car, he’d start shivering. He chose to suffer being sweaty.

They pulled into a parking lot. Connor unbuckled himself and Evan did the same. Evan unfolded his cane and held it out in front of him. He probably didn’t need it at this point; he was with Connor basically all the time. But he wanted to be extra careful so he slowly swung it back and forth as they walked.

The bell above the door dinged as they walked into the building. Evan was instantly overrun with heat and smells and sounds. The sounds of drinks being made, the smell of coffee and freshly baked goods. Evan’s stomach rumbled loudly.

Connor had Evan sit down in a booth while he went to get drinks. Evan folded up his cane and set it next to him. He shrugged his jacket off. His leg started bouncing; his left hand messed with the ripped string on the hem of his shirt; his right hand drummed against the table.

He couldn’t sit still. It seemed like he was always moving whenever he was with Connor and now he didn’t know how to just be still. He put his hands between his thighs and squeezed his legs together. It stopped his hands fidgeting, but now it probably looked like he was jerking off in a public spot.

His hands left his legs and he opted on putting them in his pockets. Except he wasn’t wearing his jacket. Putting his hands in his jeans pockets would look worse with a bouncing leg, as his hands weren’t visible to people.

What should he do with his hands?

His internal dilemma was solved when Connor arrived. 

Evan’s arm was pulled up so Connor could speak. ‘Hope you like Starbucks. Caribou was too far.’

‘It’s okay,’ Evan replied. He reached for his cup and instantly pulled his hand back. The cup was burning. He heard Connor laugh quietly.

‘So,’ Evan started, ‘how’s speech therapy going?’

‘Alright I guess,’ Connor answered. ‘A lot harder than I thought it’d be considering I stopped speaking only two years ago.’

‘Have you been able to say anything yet?’

‘I’ve learned the basics, but I’m having trouble with it. I also asked to learn two certain phrases right away.’

Evan straightened his back. ‘What are the phrases?’

Connor cleared his throat. ‘You’ll find out later.’

Evan frowned and slumped in his seat. ‘Please?’

Connor changed the subject. ‘How did Heidi like her gift?’

Evan held his cup in one hand and brought it up to his lips to take a light sip. He hissed and pulled his head back when the hot drink touched his tongue. ‘She loved it. I think she put a picture in it right away, but I’m not sure.’ He sipped his drink again, ignoring the throbbing pain in his mouth. ‘You said you opened gifts early? Did Zoe like what you got her?’

Connor’s hand moved the slightest bit as if he was shrugging. ‘She didn’t really say anything. She smiled a bit and looked at me, but that’s about it.’

Evan’s eyebrows furrowed. ‘I’m sure she appreciates it but doesn’t know how to say that.’

Connor scoffed. ‘Sure, let’s go with that.’

The blind boy frowned. He pulled his hand away to grip his cup with both hands. His tongue had lowered to a dull pain so Evan took a large sip. He set his drink down and gripped Connor’s hand again. ‘They’ll come around,’ he said, ‘they’re your family. It may not seem like it, but they care.’

Connor didn’t reply for several minutes. Evan heard a cup being crushed and Connor finally responded with, ‘Let’s go.’

Evan was yanked up by Connor and he hardly had enough time to grab his things as they walked.

They walked out of the Starbucks. Evan had his unfinished cup in his right hand and held onto Connor’s elbow with his left. He wanted to apologized for whatever he said. He hadn’t meant to upset him.

The boys climbed into the car. The engine roared and Evan jumped. He quickly buckled himself and felt for the nearby cup holder. He placed the foam cup in it and put his hands between his thighs to keep them warm. He would put them in front of the heater but that would only keep them warm until he moved them away.

Connor drove slowly out of the parking lot. The car sped up when they reached the street. Evan’s stomach twisted; Connor was mad and there was ice on the road. Every sharp turn made Evan’s lunch creep into his throat. Everytime the car slid due to the ice made sweat run down Evan’s freezing back.

He kept his head pointed down. His heart was ramming against his chest as if it were trying to break free. From what, Evan had no idea.

He gripped the door handle as the car sped more. “Connor,” he said aloud, “Connor you might want to slow down.” He knew fully well Connor probably had no idea what he was saying, but it felt weird to just sit there and do nothing.

His face paled as Connor slammed a fist on the horn and swerved to the right. Evan screamed Connor’s name as they slid. Cars honked behind them. The road suddenly became bumpy and Evan had a feeling they weren’t on a road anymore.

The car hit something. Glass shattered. Airbags were released. Cars screeched to a halt. People were yelling. Evan had no idea what was going on; he only felt pain all over his body and the only thing he could worry about was if Connor was alright.

Police and ambulance sirens were the last thing Evan heard before everything went silent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was probably the hardest chapter to write. Emotionally and physically. Hope you liked it
> 
> I headcanon Cynthia as Wiccan (mostly because I want someone to relate to lmao) and she taught Zoe and Connor about it when they were kids but Larry found out and got mad so she stopped. Zoe stopped following the religion but Connor still somewhat followed it in secret. Candles are a large part of the Wiccan faith when you pray to the goddess or cast spells (not the kind of spells you’re thinking of, it’s completely different) so that’s why his gift was what it was.
> 
> Contrary to popular belief, I actually do somewhat plan my stories. This story has been mostly randomly writing chapters with no real outline except this chapter. So believe me when I say that this plays a large part in Evan’s arc and Connor’s arc
> 
> Also I’m going to take a break from writing for about a 1 1/2 weeks because wow this fic has taken a lot out of me. However you can expect a Connor one-shot sometime within the next few days.


	23. Broken Bones And Broken Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His heart was slamming against his rib cage, his breathing got short and hard. Tears pricked his eyes and he furiously wiped them away, but they kept coming. Soon, he was sobbing on the hospital bed. He put his face in his hands. The heart monitor was going crazy and doctors and nurses were surrounding him, making the panic worse.
> 
> He tried to get them to go away, to stop touching him, stop crowding him, stop shouting in his face. All but one nurse got the hint, and she knelt right next to him, running a hand through his hair. It took him a few minutes, but Evan calmed down to where he was just shaking and hiccuping. He turned and faced the nurse.
> 
> “M-mom?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated
> 
> Read ending notes please

Machines beeped and clicked as Evan gained consciousness. He groaned, lifting his hand. He hissed as pain shot through the arm. He opened his eyes, staring at the white ceiling.

Wait. White ceiling?

Evan sat up, ignoring the pain in his wrist and leg and how the IV and needles pulled at his skin. His eyes scanned the room, taking in every single detail. What the machines looked like, the flowers on the table next to him, even the ceiling tile patterns.

He looked down at his arms. There was gauze wrapped around his left arm, while his right one was hooked up to an IV. His gaze traveled to his left leg, which was in a cast and sticking out from the hospital blanket. The leg was raised in a sling.

His heart was slamming against his rib cage, his breathing got short and hard. Tears pricked his eyes and he furiously wiped them away, but they kept coming. Soon, he was sobbing on the hospital bed. He put his face in his hands. The heart monitor was going crazy and doctors and nurses were surrounding him, making the panic worse.

He tried to get them to go away, to stop touching him, stop crowding him, stop shouting in his face. All but one nurse got the hint, and she knelt right next to him, running a hand through his hair. It took him a few minutes, but Evan calmed down to where he was just shaking and hiccuping. He turned and faced the nurse.

“M-mom?” He whispered. Heidi broke out into a grin and gently pulled her son close. Evan wrapped his injured arm around her, putting his face into her neck. More tears slid down his face, getting her neck and shirt wet.

He pulled away and stared at her, taking in everything he could. She looked the same from when he was a kid, except she had some wrinkles and dark bags under her eyes.

_I caused that. . ._

Her blonde hair was up in a ponytail. A few stray tears slipped passed Evan's defenses, and she wiped them away.

“Oh baby,” she said. “I was so scared. When I heard you were in a crash, I feared the worst. I heard from Darla that you slipped into a coma after surgery. I had to take a few days off because I was so devastated I couldn't work.”

“How?” Evan asked, his voice hoarse. “How, how am I able to see?”

Heidi smiled sadly. “I wanted it to be a surprise for your birthday next year,” she explained. “But then I heard what happened and decided to pay for your eye surgery sooner.”

“But we can’t, can’t afford it! Now y-you'll have to t-take extra hours.”

“Don't worry honey,” she whispered, running a hand through her son’s hair again. “It doesn't matter how much it was, I'm just glad you're alright.”

Evan stared at his mom. He fiddled with the hospital sheet, trying not to tear a hole in case they ended up having to pay for it. He dropped his gaze to his hands, getting lost in thought.

He hardly remembered anything from the crash. He remembered Connor speeding up and swerving, but nothing between that.

Connor. Was he here? Was he injured?

“Where’s, where’s Connor? Is he okay?”

“He's in the waiting room,” Heidi said. “He had a sprained knee but it’s mostly healed. He has some scars on his face from the broken windshield. Should I send him in?”

Evan nodded frantically. He wanted to see what his friend (boyfriend? Were they there yet? Sure they’d kissed a few times but does that automatically mean they’re dating?) looked like. He obviously had a basic understanding; eyes, nose, ears, long hair. But he wanted to see his eyes, see his smile, see him laugh.

Evan smiled and busied himself with looking at the flowers. There were mostly red and white flowers. He wasn't sure what they were called, but they were pretty.

A sudden thought crashed through his mind. He would have to learn how to read and write again. He had a basic understanding, he remembered what letters were in which words and what sound they made. But he forgot what they looked like. Or he could just stick with reading and writing in Braille. It wouldn't be that bad, would it?

His thoughts were interrupted by the door opening. Evan looked over. A tall boy with shoulder length hair stood under the frame. He wore a black hoodie and dark jeans. He was sporting a wrapped up knee and crutch, along with gauze wrapped around his head. Evan noticed the scars on his chin and nose.

_He's gorgeous._

Connor froze, staring at Evan with wide eyes. A light blush spread across his cheeks.

“Did I say that out loud?” Evan asked. Connor nodded and made his way over to the blond boy. He took a seat in the chair to the right of him, letting his crutch lean again the wall.

‘So you can see now?’ Connor signed.

Evan nodded, a big grin spreading across his face. ‘It's so weird,’ he signed. ‘I haven’t been able to see for ten years, I’m not sure if I like it.’

‘You get used to it,’ Connor signed back. Evan giggled.

‘Now that I can see, you won’t have to hold my sweaty hand to talk.’

Connor smiled. Evan had only been able to see for ten minutes, but Connor smiling was already his favorite sight.

‘Although, with my arm we’ll probably have to keep doing that for a while.’ Evan let out a breathy laugh.

Evan stared at his hands again. He glanced at Connor. Or more specifically his hair. He wanted to thread his fingers through it. He'd done it plenty of times, but he's never been able to see it, see his fingers disappear into the thick locks. So that's what he did. He reached a hand forward, wincing as the IV pulled on his skin.

Connor, not wanting to see Evan in more pain than he already is, put his head forward, letting Evan pet him. He liked the feeling of Evan’s fingers in his hair, it always calmed him down. He kept his gaze focused on Evan’s face, watching the awe and happiness pass through his features.

Evan’s fingers got stuck in the tangles. Evan made a quiet gasping noise. Connor sat up straight and looked at the blond boy. Evan’s hand was still in the air and he didn't move. Connor knitted his eyebrows, he didn't look like he was in pain.

“Trees,” he whispered out loud.

‘Trees?’ Connor repeated.

“Yes!” Evan squealed. “I’ll be able to see trees again! I’ll be able to climb them and look at them and maybe even plant one!” He lightly bounced in the bed like an excited five-year-old. A genuine smile was plastered on his face. “When we get out of here, we have to go see some!”

Connor nodded, not fully understanding what he said. He caught words like “trees” and “climb” and “see”, so he had an idea on what he was talking about.

A doctor walked over to the two. She was holding a clipboard and had a pen behind her ear. “Good morning, Evan,” she said, smiling. “I'm glad the surgery went well. You aren't experiencing anything? No pain or discomfort?”

Evan shook his head. “No,” he replied. “Nothing, nothing like that. But I, I was a, a bit overwhelmed when, when I woke up.”

The doctor nodded. “That makes sense. I would've felt the same way if I woke up with my sight back. Or rather, without sight.”

Evan gave an uncomfortable smile and picked at the gauze on his arm.

“Alright,” the doctor continued, “if you're not in any pain, you should be able to go home tomorrow. Make sure to watch that arm and leg, don't be running any marathons now.”

She turned to leave. “Wait!” Evan blurted, reaching his broken arm out. The doctor turned back around, staring at the blond boy. Evan blushed and leaned back down. “I, I heard that, that I was in a coma?”

“Ah yes,” she explained. “You were resting after surgery for your leg. After a two days, we decided to go ahead and do your eye surgery. Something went wrong during it and we had to stop the operation. For some reason, you weren't healing fast enough so we had to put you into a coma. But you're just fine now.” She flashed a smiled before leaving.

Evan swallowed and looked back at Connor. Connor grabbed the hand that wasn't wrapped in gauze and lightly squeezed it.

 

The next morning, which Evan learned was Saturday, Heidi arrived early to check him out before work. On the drive home, Evan stared out the window the entire time, taking in the scene. Colors and shapes flew by them. He mostly enjoyed the trees.

They got to a large building. Evan assumed it was their apartment. Heidi parked the car near the doors and they both climbed out. Heidi helped Evan steady himself with his crutch. She lead him through the parking lot and into the building.

Evan took his time walking. He didn't want to somehow injure his leg or arm any more than it already is. He tried to take in everything he saw. The floor was a dark color, navy blue perhaps? The walls were a creamish color and lights hung from the ceiling.

He almost bumped into Heidi when she stopped walking. She had her keys out and was unlocking the door in front of them. The room number was 113.

Heidi pushed the door open and stepped aside, letting Evan in first. Taking a deep breath, he slowly made his way inside. The first thing he noticed was a dog with brown and black fur laying on the floor, causing Evan to nearly trip. The dog popped his head up, staring at the boy.

“Charles,” Evan whispered. The dog barked and stood up. Evan was about to bend down and pet him, but he remembered his leg and decided against it. Charles rubbed himself against Evan’s good leg. Evan smiled and carefully maneuvered himself around the dog.

He walked through the house, taking in every single detail. There was a couch next to him with rips on the sides and dog fur and fuzz on the cushions. There was a large stain right in front of the couch and Evan briefly wondered where it came from. There were pictures hanging up on the wall by the TV. They consisted of a younger Heidi and a small boy who Evan assumed was himself.

He glanced over his shoulder at the kitchen. The sides of the cabinets were dirty. At the end of the kitchen was a bowl of water and dog food.

He heard Heidi announce that she had to get to work and to call if he needed anything. He nodded in response but wasn’t sure if she saw. He wandered away from the kitchen and over to the hallway. The walls were bare. There was a door at the beginning of the hall and two others at the end. He peeked inside the door next to him.

A large bed was against the wall facing the door. Curtains were pulled back to bring in light. A white dresser with purple and pink flowers was beside the bed. It was Heidi’s room.

He left the room and continued down the hall. The room ahead of him was a bathroom. He didn’t bother looking in there. The door to the right of him was closed. He twisted the knob and pushed it open.

He took one step in and flipped the switch on the wall. The room lit up and the first thing he noticed was how messy the room was. There were clothes on the floor, his bed wasn’t made, the shelves attached to the bed were cluttered with paper and books. He looked at his cast. He wouldn’t be able to clean anytime soon.

He carefully maneuvered himself across the mess. He sat on his bed and just took in everything. He could see. He could see. He didn’t know how to feel about that. He spent his whole life without sight and now he felt. . . Off. Overwhelmed. Distressed. Sad, maybe? He couldn’t pin a single emotion on the situation.

Charles came trotting into the room and leaped onto the bed. Evan ran a hand through the dog’s fur. The dog placed his chin and paws on Evan’s thigh.

Evan fished his phone out of his pocket when it buzzed.

“Connor:,” the phone read, “‘Can I come over? My dad keeps scolding me for the crash.”

Evan slid his phone across the notification and was taken to the messages app. He stared at the keyboard. He pressed his finger on a letter and silently cheered when the phone read out S. It took him five minutes to type out the full message.

Connor’s response was a simple “K”.

 

Connor arrived fifteen minutes later. Evan stood outside the apartment, waiting for him. The tall boy strolled up the stairs. Evan stared at him, eye drifting up and down to take his appearance in. He gave a little wave and turned to unlock the building door.

Evan hung up his keys and balanced himself on his crutch to carefully kick off his shoes. His shoes landed near Connor’s boots. The two boys made their way over to couch and sat down.

Evan leaned his crutch against the arm of the couch. He looked at Connor, at his knee, at the small but noticeable scars on his face, at the large stitch across his forehead. Guilt coursed through his body and he looked away.

He took hold of the boy’s hand. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘For what?’ Connor asked.

Evan sighed. ‘For getting us into the crash.’

‘But you weren’t the one driving.’

‘I made you upset. If I hadn’t said anything, we would be fine.’

Connor cleared his throat, causing Evan to turn his head. His eyes darted over each white line on his face. ‘Evan,’ Connor said, ‘it wasn’t your fault. If anything it was the drive that decided to cut in front of us.’

‘What even happened?’ Evan asked.

‘I was speeding, I’ll admit,’ Connor explained, ‘but someone decided to not slow down and sped in front of us. I had to swerve otherwise we would’ve hit them. So we hit a streetlight and, get this, the other driver ended up crashing into the side of the car. Larry was pissed at the damage and when he got to the hospital, he started yelling at the guy. About how he was paying for the car.’

Evan quickly wiped his hand on his leg before returning it to Connor’s grasp. ‘Still, if I hadn’t made you mad--‘

‘—Evan,’ Connor cut him off. ‘Stop blaming yourself. You didn’t do anything. I’ve driven way madder than that. There just happened to be different causes to it, but you are not one of them.’

Evan ducked his head. ‘But still.’

Connor sighed. ‘Okay, new rule: no more blaming yourself unless you one hundred percent did it.’

Evan furrowed his eyebrows but nodded. Connor dug around in his bag that Evan just noticed. He held up a thick DVD case and smiled. ‘Let’s watch Star Wars so you can see the terrible CGI that is the prequels,’ he said.

Connor stood up and made his way over to the TV. The TV and DVD player turned on. Connor slipped a disk into the device and closed it. He walked back over to the couch and sat next to Evan.

The music started, causing Evan to jump closer to Connor. Both boys blushed but neither made the choice to move away. Although Evan shifted himself so his hand wasn’t on Connor’s thigh.

Throughout the movie, Evan kept commenting about everything.

_‘Is that really what the Jedi used to wear?’_

_Connor nodded._

_‘I agree with the sand thing, but why is Anakin so whiny about everything?’ Connor barked out a laugh and shrugged._

Em>‘The lightsabers battles are less intense than I pictured.’

_‘Wait until we get to The Force Awakens,’ Connor replied._

 

They made it through Episodes I-VI before Evan started yawning. They had hardly started episode V. Connor turned the volume down but left the TV on. Evan subconsciously tucked his legs under himself and wrapped his arms around Connor’s left arm. Evan’s eyes fluttered shut as the sound of the front door opening. Connor shifted a bit and Evan found himself laying down instead of leaning against the tall boy. A whine escaped his lips and he caught a high pitched voice chuckling in response.

A pair of lips touched his forehead and Evan had no idea if it was Heidi or Connor. He didn’t care either way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m back! The feedback on the last chapter was the most I’ve gotten so far and I’m sorry to keep you guys waiting
> 
> Evan’s reaction to seeing Connor for the first time is my reaction to the entire cast
> 
> I have a few announcements: 1. We are now in Evan’s arc, meaning there won’t be any Connor chapters for a while (unless the plot calls for it, which I highly doubt).  
> 2\. I know where I’m going with Evan being able to see, I make sure to do extensive research to make this as accurate as possible. I actually wrote this chapter all the way back before we hit chapter 5, so trust me, I know what I’m doing. Probably.  
> 3\. The chapters are going to be longer (2-3,000 words probably). I want to include all arcs without making two seperate things, so I’m combining chapters. However, this means updates will take longer so be patient  
> 4\. Alana and Zoe are coming into play shortly, I haven’t gotten about them!!  
> 5\. The Connor one-shot has been posted, go read it if you haven’t  
> 6\. This isn’t an announcement but a few days after uploading chapter 22, I almost got into a car crash myself lmao


	24. Helping Hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoe pushed a strand of hair over her shoulder. “My usual table was full already. And they’re talking about things I’m not interested in.”
> 
> “Like what?”
> 
> “Boys.”
> 
> Evan looked up from his tiny milk carton in surprise. “Oh.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated

A week later, Evan found himself in his mom’s car. She drove into the school parking lot. The doctor told them to let him rest for a week before sending him back to school.

The boy looked at his arm. It was still sprained, but it hasn’t been hurting as much so Evan decided to unwrap it. It made walking up and down stairs a lot easier.

The car stopped and Evan unbuckled his seatbelt. He stared at the building. Students were filing into the school, most were in groups. Evan swallowed and pushed the car door open. He said a quick goodbye to his mom and slammed the door shut. 

He got to the curb and looked at it. There was ice near it and one wrong move could send him to the ground. He carefully placed the crutch on the curb and hoisted himself up. He stumbled a bit and automatically reached an arm out to hold something.

He accidentally grabbed a girl’s shoulder. He mumbled an apology and started making his way to the front doors. The sound of students talking and laughing filled his ears. His eyes glazed across the hallways, taking in everything. He shifted so his backpack wouldn’t fall off his shoulder.

He searched the crowd for Connor, wondering if he was there. A tap on his shoulder made him turn around. He lifted his hand to greet Connor, but the person in front of him wasn’t Connor.

“Hi Evan!” the girl exclaimed. She bounced on the balls of her feet. “How was your break?” Evan opened his mouth to respond but the girl beat him to it. “Mine was great. I got all of my homework done on the first day so I could spend time with my grandmother. She helped me create filers for the fundraiser.” Her eyes traveled towards his bulky leg. He had carefully put on a pair of large sweatpants over his cast. “Oh my god, what happened?”

“I uh, there was a crash—“

“I hope you heal soon.” The girl rocked a bit on her heels. “I heard from Zoe who heard from Connor that you can see now.”

Evan nodded quickly. “I— yeah, it’s weird— not weird, I didn’t mean that, but I’m just. I’m not used to it.”

“That’s understandable. If you ever need help with anything, I’m usually available during lunch.” The girl walked off before Evan could reply.

She had seemed familiar but he couldn’t remember where he’d heard her voice. He was about to look for Connor when another voice called out to him.

“Evan!” Jared’s voice came from next to him. Evan jumped and looked to his left. Jared was walking down the hall that lead to the gym and art rooms. “What the hell, man? You haven’t answered my— oh.” Jared caught sight of his cast. “Shit man, what happened?”

“My mom didn’t tell you?” Evan asked. He very badly wanted to shift his weight to his other foot, but he would have to deal with the pain until he sat down.

“If she did, I don’t remember,” Jared admitted. “Although you’d think I’d remember how you got all banged up.”

Evan pursed his lips. “There was a car crash.”

Jared’s eyes went wide. “Wait, again?”

Evan winced at the memory Jared brought up. He looked around at the student body as they filed into the classroom halls. “I can see.”

“Shit really? Congrats.” Jared put his hands on his hips. “I’d love to stay and chat, but class starts in ten minutes and I’m on the other side of the building.” And with that, Jared walked off.

Evan watched as he left. He wanted to call out to him, that he needed help with classes. Just because he can see, doesn’t mean he knows where to go. He didn’t remember what numbers looked like, let alone large room numbers. He remembered the basic ones, but they were blurry too.

Connor was nowhere in sight. Maybe he was already in class.

Until Evan found him or magically remembered the shape of numbers, he’d have to rely on the Braille writing on the plates next to doors. Which. That’s fine. He’ll be fine.

He got to the classroom right as the warning bell rung. Students mingled with friends, laughing and talking loudly. A group of girls stood in the corner of the room, giggling and looking around at everyone. Evan diverted his eyes away from the group and counted the desks until he got to his.

The late bell rung and he sat down the best he could. His casted leg stuck out and his non-broken leg was tucked under the chair. The girl he spoke to before class slid into the desk next to him. He blinked in surprise and met her gaze. He looked away when the teacher walked up to the board.

Evan tried to make out the words and numbers on the board. He hoped he looked like he was actually reading them and not digging through his brain to remember what they were.

A single tap on his shoulder made him jolt out of his thoughts. He looked over at the source of the disturbance and saw the girl next to him staring at him with concern.

“Are you alright?” she asked.

Evan nodded quickly. “Why, why wouldn’t I be?”

“I mean, you frowning at the board and not taking out the worksheet,” she explained. She pushed her glasses up.

Oh.

Evan looked away sheepishly. “I um.” How did he say this without sounding pathetic? “I haven’t been able to, to read normally for ten years? I don’t remember how.”

What was that girl’s name?

The girl gasped. “I’m sorry. I probably sounded so rude.” She shifted herself so one leg was crossed over her knee. “I can help you if you want. Not now, obviously. But during lunch or after school. Actually, after school might not be a good time. I’m tutoring Zoe in Spanish.”

Evan blinked, his mouth hung open but no response came out. He nodded dumbly. The girl flashed a smile before turning back to her work.

 

Evan struggled through his first few classes. History was the worst; the teacher made them read three pages from the textbook and Evan had forgotten his own at home. It was either take an hour to read a page or fall behind in a day’s work.

He was glad lunch was right after his first aid class. He wanted to relax and try to forget about things. Which was close to impossible given his thoughts were always spiraling.

The teen held his lunch tray in one hand and tried to not tip over while he moved his way through the ever-growing crowd. He got to his table and found Zoe already sitting there. That was a surprise.

Evan slowly approached the table. Zoe glanced up from her phone when Evan sat across from her.

“Hey, Zoe,” Evan said. He placed his crutch so it was laying across two seats. “I might be— this might— not to be rude, but. Why are you sitting here?”

Zoe pushed a strand of hair over her shoulder. “My usual table was full already. And they’re talking about things I’m not interested in.”

“Like what?”

“Boys.”

Evan looked up from his tiny milk carton in surprise. “Oh.” That was. . . Not what he expected to here. Good for her though.

The short conversation drifted to an awkward silence. Evan picked at his food of lumpy mashed potatoes and cold chicken strips. A tray was set down next to the boy and he looked up in surprise. The girl from his math class took a seat.

“Hey Alana,” Zoe said, glancing up from her phone.

So that was her name.

“Hello Zoe,” Alana chirped back. She turned to face Evan. “Alright, Evan. I’ll admit, I’ve never had to teach someone how to read again, but there’s a first time for everything.”

Zoe gave a questioning stare. Evan sent back a silent plead to stay silent. The sophomore pursed her lips and went back to tapping on her phone screen.

“You don’t really have to do this,” Evan said.

Alana smiled. “It’s fine, Evan. I can handle one more task in my schedule.”

Evan frowned but let her shift through her backpack. She pulled out a white notebook with small blue and pink swirls in the top right and bottom left corner. She took out the pencil from her ear and flipped the notebook open to a clear page. She started scribbling on it.

When she finished, she stuck the pencil back on her ear and slid the notebook in front of Evan. “Can you tell me what you already know?”

Evan studied the paper. He knew the writing were the letters of the alphabet, but to him it looked like chicken scratch. “I know the sounds and how to spell words,” he mumbled. Alana had to tilted her head towards him to hear what he said. “But I don’t know what they look like.”

Alana nodded. “Alright. That should be fairly easy to teach.” She proceeded to point and list the letters to Evan. The teen repeated each name in his head, along with the symbol for them. Alana finished and looked at him. “Can you repeat them back to me?”

Evan bit his lip and quickly recited the list of letters.

Alana stared at him. “You must be a fast learner.”

Evan looked away. “They were in order, it was easy.”

Alana smiled and closed the notebook. She fished around in her notebook again. Evan took a small bite of his potatoes. The black haired girl held a small stack of notecards and a sharpie in her hand. She put the cap in her mouth and yanked the pen away from her body.

She started writing on the notecards. She put the cap back on the sharpie and shuffled the deck of notecards. She held up a random card. “What letter is this?”

Evan stared at the card, eyebrows furrowed. “Q?” he guessed.

Alana shook her head. “It’s ‘O’.” She handed him the deck of cards. “Your phone reads off the letters right?” Evan nodded. “When you get home, quiz yourself with these cards and type them onto your phone to see if you were correct. We’ll meet up during lunch again tomorrow and I’ll quiz you to see if you studied.”

Evan blinked. His eyes lowered to the short stack of cards in his hands. He opened his mouth to respond, but noticed Alana had hopped over to the table next to them and was chatting excitedly with a girl.

Evan looked at his lunch and poked it with his fork. The fork went right through the potatoes. He pushed the tray away, not hungry. He glanced up at Zoe, who had her backpack on the table and was writing furiously across a sheet of paper.

“Zoe?” he asked. She hummed in response, but didn’t look up. “Can I— do you mind giving me a, a ride to your place? After school?”

Her pencil stopped. “What for?” she raised an eyebrow.

“I uh.” Evan fiddled with his styrofoam tray, accidentally ripping a piece of it off. “I need— I have to speak to Connor about something.”

Her pencil began to dance across the paper again. “Yeah sure. But be careful, he hasn’t been in the mood to talk since our dad grounded him.”

 

“His door is the first one on your right, upstairs,” Zoe said as she unlocked the front door. Evan was too busy slowly walking while admiring how large the house was to pay attention. The building was pure white; there wasn’t a single drop of dirt or paint chipping off anywhere. There were two garage doors, the front porch that lead to the front door was huge, a small garden was next to the sidewalk, and don’t get Evan started on how many windows were on the first side of the building.

Evan was snapped out of his trance when Zoe waved her hand in front of his face.

“You alright?” she asked.

Evan nodded. “Your house is really big.”

Zoe shrugged. “It’s average at best. If you go towards the edge of town, those houses are big.” She turned and walked inside the house.

Evan followed as best her could. He closed the door behind him and was about to bend down to untie his shoe but stopped. He looked around to try to find a chair to sit down in, but the nearest one was the long couch in the living room. He didn’t want to get the carpet wet.

Zoe caught his stare and sighed. “Leave it on,” she said. “It’ll dry before anyone else gets home.”

Evan nodded. He slipped off his backpack and put it on the floor against the long table that was across from the shoe closet.

He attempted to get some of the snow off by scraping the bottom of the shoe against a metal leg on the table. It semi worked.

He frowned and made his way over to the staircase. He took a deep breath and placed his crutch on the first step. He put his weight on the crutch and lifted himself onto the step.

It took him longer than he’d like to admit to get to the top of the stairs. He paused to catch his breath. He lifted his head up from its bent down position. The hall was dark. Evan had to press his hand against his wall to find his way, which he didn’t complain about. He did that for a few years of his life; what’s one more day?

His fingers brushed against a doorknob. He stopped and lifted his fist to knock on the door. He heard shuffling and quiet coughing before the door opened a bit. The shuffling continued and Evan pushed the door so it was wide enough to walk through.

Connor was folding a hoodie. He set it on the end of his bed. The room may be dark, but Evan still saw the marks on Connor’s arms. The shorter boy’s heart sank. His eyes darted up to Connor’s face after he realized he’d been staring for too long.

Connor’s eyes bored into Evan’s. Evan hunched over, as if he could disappear from the intense stare.

‘I didn’t mean to stare,’ Evan said. ‘Sorry.’

‘Don’t be,’ Connor replied, moving to grab his folded up hoodie. ‘I’m not used to having to cover up around you. My mistake.’

Evan gulped.

‘So,’ Connor continued once he had his hoodie on, ‘Why are you here?’ He sat on his bed and patted the open space next to him.

Evan walked over to the bed and sat down. ‘I needed to ask you something.’

Connor lifted an eyebrow. ‘This couldn’t’ve been done over text? Not that I don’t like seeing you in person, but I’m kinda grounded.’

‘You’re parents aren’t home,’ Evan pointed out. ‘We’re fine. But this is important.’

Connor blew out a puff of air. ‘Alright, ask away.’

‘What are we?’ Connor looked at Evan, a questioning look displayed on his face. ‘I mean. We kissed twice, and we haven’t talked about it.’

‘What do you want us to be?’ Connor asked back.

‘I’m not sure.’ Evan sighed. He paused to pick at the loose thread on the thick comforter. ‘More than friends? I’d like that, but I’m scared.’

‘About what? Your mom seems pretty chill about everything.’ Connor let out a loud series of coughs. Evan jumped at the noise. Connor caught his look of worry and waved it off. ‘We don’t have to be anything other than friends if you’re not ready.’

‘No! No, I really want this. I just. . . I’m worried about people at school and Jared’s mom finding out.’ Evan blinked away the tears piling up in his eyes.

Connor shifted so he was fully facing Evan with his legs crossed. ‘Jared’s mom?’

‘It’s a long story.’

‘We can keep it a secret for now,’ the long haired boy suggested.

Evan nodded. ‘Yeah. Yeah that sounds good.’ He raised his head and locked eyes with Connor.

Connor’s eyes darted to Evan’s lips before moving back to his eyes. ‘Can I?’

Evan slowly nodded. Connor leaned down and captured Evan’s lips in a quick kiss. The two stared at each other, both with large blushes covering their cheeks.

Connor cleared his throat. ‘I hate to ruin this moment, but you should probably go before my parents get home. I’m trying to get my car privileges back and you being caught by them won’t help that happen.’

Evan nodded. ‘Yeah, that makes sense.’ He held onto the tall boy’s shoulder to steady himself as he stood up. ‘See in school, right?’

Connor gave a small salute in response. Evan laughed and made his way to the door. He let it close behind him. The hallway was significantly brighter and the teen noticed the row of pictures on the walls. They were mostly family photos or pictures of Zoe and some other people that Evan assumed were relatives. There were hardly any of just Connor. He wasn’t smiling in any of the group photos.

Evan frowned.

“Connor never did like his picture taken.”

Evan jumped at the voice. He looked over and saw Cynthia walking up the stairs. She had a sad smile on her face. She stood next to Evan and looked at the pictures.

“What?” Evan asked.

She sighed, taking a frame off the wall. “We would have to argue with him just to agree to them. And when he did, we were too tired to make him try to smile.” She sniffed. “I just. . . Maybe if we tried harder, he would.”

Evan knew what she meant.

She looked at him. “You’re good for him. You may not see it, but you’re helping him.”

Evan took a step back in surprise. “How?”

“He hasn’t smoked in a month. I’ve noticed his room smells nice and his eyes are never red.” Cynthia smiled and hung the picture back up. “The withdrawal symptoms are hell to get through, I’m sure. And he’s more irritable but it’s a start.”

 _His scars don’t look fresh either,_ he wanted to say. He wanted her to hear that so badly, but didn’t know the reaction he’d get. Did they already know? He doesn’t want her to worry more than she does.

Cynthia took a deep breath to compose herself. “Well, I should let you go. I won’t tell Larry you were here.”

Evan gave a small smile. “Thanks.”

“Don’t worry, hun. Do you need help getting down the stairs?”

Evan shook his head. “I can manage.”

“If you say so.” She leaned her head back and spoke a little louder. “I’m sure Zoe can give you a ride home.”

Zoe’s response was a book slamming shut and keys clinking together. Cynthia gave one more smile towards Evan before descending down the steps. Evan followed closely behind, one thought running through his mind.

_I’m helping him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof okay so I know I said updates would take longer but I expected to be able to write faster than this??? I have no ideas for chapter 25 so I haven’t a clue when it should be out sorry
> 
> Wanna hear a random fun fact about this story’s development? All of chapter 20 was suppose to happen in Evan’s arc and finish in Jared’s arc and it involved yelling and Jared running into a bathroom. Heidi also talked some sense into Claire (that’s still happening, but later). You can thank my lazy writer skills saving you from that angst fest
> 
> I based the Murphy's house off of my old childhood home and now I'm sad
> 
> Does anyone know any jobs a 15 year old can get? I’m 15 at the end of march and I want a summer job


	25. Dissociation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He shouldn’t go through his things without Connor’s permission.
> 
> Curiosity got the better of him and he found himself making his way across the room. He picked up a sheet and looked at it. It was a drawing of a forest. It wasn’t colored but the attention to detail was amazing. There were two small figures in the middle and after some careful observation, Evan realized it was him and Connor. In fact, most of the drawings were forests.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated

Evan sat at the kitchen table. Books were piled around his small stack of make-up homework from when he was resting his leg. Alana had helped him get the sheets and told him to try writing the answers in letters instead of Braille. Evan only agreed because she said that she would correct any spelling and make words more legible than his chicken scratch he was sometimes proud of. The paper still had Braille so he could understand the questions, so he was somewhat relieved.

His hand drifted across the paper. The question was from the English worksheet, asking about how Juliet died. Evan hardly remembered the answer. He didn’t pay attention to the story; the language confused him.

His phone buzzing next to him made him drop his pencil in surprise. He picked up the electronic and turned it on. Alana had texted him. His eyes narrowed at the text as he tried to understand it.

He deciphered the message after three minutes. She’d said that she wouldn’t be able to help him with reading at all the rest of the week as she had too many study sessions and after school projects and that Zoe agreed to take her place. Evan sent back a simple “Alright” and sent his phone down.

He picked up his pencil and rummaged through his memories to find the answer to the question. Something about not enough poison on Romeo’s lips. He decided to write that down. A stupid answer is better than no answer, right?

He had to keep looking at his stack of notecards to remember which letter went with what word. Five minutes later, the boy was staring at his hardly legible handwriting. He could make out Romeo and Juliet’s name, so that’s something. It’s progress. It may be slight, but Evan was proud nonetheless.

He got halfway through the sheet in fifteen minutes and looked at his phone for the time. It was almost one in the morning. He’d been working on the papers since he got home. He would’ve finished them in two hours, but he hadn’t wanted to disappoint Alana the next day. And he’d missed an entire week of school, which of course would lead to more homework.

He figured that he could be done for the night. He’d finish the other half tomorrow during or after school.

He stood up from the table and grabbed the pile of complete papers. He tapped them against the table to straighten them and slid them into his folder. The folder was placed into his backpack. He shoved the backpack aside and pulled all the books towards him.

He stacked the books and carefully lifted them into his arms before realizing his dilemma. He had no way to use his crutch to move between rooms. He set the books down to yawn and stretch. He blinked, rubbing his eyes. He was too sleepy to do multiple trips to his bedroom.

He decided to push the stack against the wall and grabbed his backpack and unfinished papers. He swung the bag over his shoulder and tucked the papers under his arm. He had to steady himself before moving. the backpacks weight threw him off.

He got to his room, flicked on the light, and let his backpack drop to the floor. He placed the papers on top of his dresser. He stripped off his shirt and dug through the top drawer to find an over-sized hoodie. He’d normally wear his regular winter pajamas, but the pants weren’t stretchy enough to fit over his cast.

He zipped up the hoodie and made his way over to his small bed. He leaned the crutch against the wall. The boy sighed once he remembered he had to turn off the light. He was so used to just getting to his room and going to sleep that it completely slipped his mind.

He briefly went over the fact that Heidi could just turn off the light when she got home, but the electricity bill skyrocketing threw that idea away.

Evan eyed the mess below him. He bit his lip and pushed himself out of bed. Crutch under his arm, he wobbled over to the switch. He flicked it off and was engulfed in darkness. He turned to go back towards his bed but his crutch got stuck on something.

He made the mistake of pulling instead of carefully getting it out and lost his balance. Pain shot up his leg when he connected with the floor. He cried out and immediately went to pull his leg up to inspect it for injuries. He refrained from that though.

He laid there for what felt like an hour when he heard the faint sound of keys. From the light left on in the hall, Evan could see the front door open.

“Mom!” he called out instantly.

Heidi placed her keys on one of the hooks and hurried over to her son’s room, wondering what he was still doing up and what he needed. She turned the light on. She gasped at the sight and stepped through the mess of clothes and school items to get to Evan.

“What happened?” she asked, kneeling beside the teen.

“I uh, I needed water,” Evan lied, “and I tripped.” He looked at his leg. “It really hurts.”

Heidi frowned and stood up. Evan sat up. “This might make it hurt more,” Heidi said. “But I’m going to lift up your leg so you can use your other to help you stand, alright?” Evan nodded. She bent down and gently grabbed the leg. She lifted the leg up. Evan hissed at the dull pain. He put his other leg under him and used his arms to grip the side of the bed to pull himself up.

Once he was standing straight Heidi lowered the leg, much to his relief.

“Do you still want water?” she asked. Evan shook his head, eyes going back to the mess. Heidi faintly smiled. “Alright. We’ll go to the doctor tomorrow and have them check and see if it’s worse. Now get some sleep.”

Evan nodded and with the help of Heidi, climbed into his bed. He rolled to lay on his left side. Heidi whispered a goodnight and the light turned off.

 

Evan sat on the couch in the Murphy’s living room. He eyed his cast that was showing from under his sweatpants that were bunched up at the end. He and Heidi had gone to the doctor early that morning like she’d said. The doctor said it was fine and to keep resting it.

Evan tore his gaze away from the leg and spotted Zoe. She was rummaging through a small bookshelf across from the couch. She pulled out a small stack of thin books and walked over to Evan. She placed the books on his lap. His eyes darted between Zoe and the books with curiosity.

“You’re going to read out loud,” she said as if it was obvious. “For once my mom’s habit of keeping childhood things comes in handy. I figured that it would be easier than school textbooks.”

Evan shifted through the pile of books. There was The Whipping Boy, The Little Prince, The Snowy Day, and The Tale of Peter Rabbit. All the copies were clearly old and worn, but The Little Prince was in the worst condition.

“Connor loved that book,” Zoe stated, “he read it everyday. That’s why the cover is torn.”

Evan set it aside and picked up The Whipping Boy. He remembered reading it in fifth grade so he was fairly familiar with the story. It was about a bratty prince named Horace. Whenever he got into trouble, the punishment was never taken out on him; Jemmy would take the punishments. Hence the title. They decided to one day run away and run into all kinds of trouble.

Evan flipped the cover open and scanned over the writing. Some of the ink was smudged and some other kinds of dried liquid covered the edges.

Zoe leaned close to look over his shoulder so she could correct any mistakes he made. Evan coughed, trying to swallow any nerves that threatened to clog up his throat. He scanned the first sentence before he began. “‘The young prince was known here and there (and just about everywhere else) as Prince Brat’,” he read. He had to pause a few times so he wouldn’t stumble over any words. “‘Not even black cats would cross his path’.”

It took fifteen minutes to get through the first chapter. Evan had only messed up on pronunciation a few times. It was mostly just him pausing so he would get the words correct. Zoe didn’t have to interfere much.

“Let’s take a break,” Zoe suggested. She stood up and stretched her hands over her head, causing her shirt to ride up a bit. Evan averted his eyes from the sight. “What’s wrong?”

Evan looked up. “Your uh, your shirt was. . . Pulled up.”

Zoe shrugged like it was no big deal. “So?”

“I just— I wanted to give you. . . Privacy?” Evan tried. “So I didn’t look.”

Zoe smiled. “The shirt is the least of our problems.” She walked behind the couch. “Want a snack?”

Evan shook his head. “I don’t— you shouldn’t waste food on me.” He carefully stood up. “I uh, I’m gonna go see Connor. If that’s okay.”

Zoe shrugged. “Go ahead.” She walked away.

Evan turned and headed towards the stairs. He wobbled up without much trouble—unlike last time—and made his way down the hall. He raised a fist to knock on the door out of habit before realizing Connor wouldn’t hear it. He mentally slapped himself and turned the doorknob.

He pushed the door open slowly, so in case Connor wasn’t decent he would have a chance to close the door. No such thing happened. Connor was laying on his bed, one arm thrown over his head and the other raised above to hold his phone. Evan closed the door. The movement caused Connor to look over.

Connor’s grip on the phone loosened and it fell onto him. His face contorted into brief pain before it became annoyance. Evan stifled a laugh and walked over to the bed. Connor rolled into a sitting position.

‘Hi,’ Connor said.

‘Hi,’ Evan replied. ‘Learning to read is hard.’ A low chuckle erupted from Connor. ‘What have you been up to?’

Connor shrugged. ‘Ignoring the constant fighting between my parents. Larry started forcing me to the kitchen table so he could see me do homework.’

‘That’s good, right?’ Evan’s head fell onto Connor’s shoulder. He glanced up to make sure it was alright.

‘If constantly correcting every little mistake I do, then yes.’

‘Sounds like Alana.’

Connor sighed. ‘That’s different. She’s actually helping you. Larry’s just scolding me.’

Evan bit his lip as he carefully chose his next words. He didn’t want to upset him. ‘At least your passing?’

Connor rolled his head back. ‘I’ve always been passing.’ He pushed a strand of hair out of his face. ‘I’m not that much of an idiot.’

‘I didn’t mean it like that.’ Evan frowned.

‘I know.’

Evan could sense the tension rising in the room and decided to change the subject. ‘How long are you grounded for?’

Connor shrugged. ‘However long Larry says. Hopefully Cynthia will try to talk him out of the grounding.’

Evan’s eyes drifted across the room. He took in every detail. The walls were a light grey with black swirls and polka dots. The blinds on the window were drawn open, showing a blinding sun in the middle. Posters of rock bands were scattered around the walls.

The desk under the window was cluttered with papers and notebooks. It looked like drawings but Evan couldn’t be sure.

Connor leaned across the bed to reach something from the small table and once he wasn’t on the brink of falling off, he stood up. ‘I’m going to the bathroom,’ he said.

Evan’s eyes darted to Connor’s arms before he could stop them. He heard Connor sigh before he left the room. Guilt ran through Evan. He hadn’t wanted to jump to any conclusions. Evan glanced back at the papers on the desk. He bit his lip. He shouldn’t go through his things without Connor’s permission.

Curiosity got the better of him and he found himself making his way across the room. He picked up a sheet and looked at it. It was a drawing of a forest. It wasn’t colored but the attention to detail was amazing. There were two small figures in the middle and after some careful observation, Evan realized it was him and Connor. In fact, most of the drawings were forests.

He placed the paper down gently, so he didn’t smudge the lead, and picked up another one. This one was clearly Zoe.

The door opened and Evan nearly dropped the drawing. He looked over his shoulder and saw Connor standing in the doorway.

‘What are you doing?’ Connor asked, advancing towards Evan. ‘I didn’t tell you to look at these.’ He snatched the paper Evan was holding and the others on the desk away.

‘Sorry.’ Evan backed away. Connor stuffed them into a folder. ‘You’re really good at drawing.’

‘Calm down, it’s a bunch of trees.’

‘Still.’

Connor leaned back and stretched, causing his joints to pop and Evan cringing at the noise. ‘Zoe’s looking for you. Something about how Alana said to study at least an hour a day.’

Evan nodded. ‘See you later.’ Connor just nodded in acknowledgment and went about his business.

 

Evan was getting ready for bed when he heard a noise from the balcony. He was in the middle of getting a shirt on. He shoved his arms through the holes and hobbled out to the living room. His heart was beating wildly, thinking it was a robber.

The noise continued when Evan turned on a lamp. He could hardly make out the silhouette of Connor. He unlocked the door and pulled it open.

‘What are you doing here?’ Evan asked, moving to the side to let the tall boy in. ‘I thought you were grounded.’

‘Larry was bothering me,’ Connor explained. ‘I’d rather be grounded longer than be near him when he’s in a mood. Can I crash on the couch?’

Evan nodded. ‘You know where the bathroom is if you need it, right?’

Connor waved him off in response. Evan watched him curl up on the couch before retreating back to his room. He placed his crutch against the wall and got into his bed. He closed his eyes and hoped sleep would come fast.

Evan tossed and turned in his bed. He whimpered slightly, a stray tear running down his face. He let out a cry and bolted upright. His eyes were open but he was surrounded in darkness. His face was wet with fresh tears.

His mind went crazy with thoughts.

Why was it dark? He was supposed to be able to see. He had gotten the surgery, right? Maybe he had dreamt it.

His leg was throbbing from the way he had moved it. He let out a loud cry and put his hands against the cast. He didn’t bother to stop the tears, he let them fall freely.

A light turned on where his door was. His head snapped up to stare at it. This was clearly a dream now, he was seeing light. A person walked out of the light. Evan’s vision was blurry, so he couldn’t make out who it was. The person stopped and turned to look at the crying boy.

They stepped close and another light was turned on, this time showing the bedroom.

He was dreaming. This was a dream. He wasn’t able to see. The surgery was just a wishful dream.

The person was kneeling in front of Evan, worry written on his face.

He moved his hands. ‘Are you alright?’ Evan shook his head as more tears fell. ‘Can you tell me what happened?’

‘I’m dreaming.’ Evan’s hands were shaking as he responded and he wasn’t paying attention to make sure the movements were correct. ‘This is a dream. I’m not real, you— this isn’t real.’

The boy in front of him sighed. ‘Do you know who I am?’

Evan tried to halt his crying and wiped his eyes. He caught a glimpse of long, brown hair in light curls near the bottom. ‘Connor.’

‘That’s right.’ The boy shifted so he sat with his legs crossed. ‘I can prove that this isn’t a dream.’

Evan sniffed and wiped his nose. He grimaced when the back of his hand came back wet. ‘How?’

‘Your brain can’t make up people to dream about. If you were still blind and dreaming, I wouldn’t be here.’

Evan had started hiccuping at that point. Connor pulled the sobbing teen close, arms wrapping tightly around his body. Evan buried his face into Connor’s shoulder, getting tears all over his hoodie. He knew he would apologize for it later, but he didn’t care at the moment.

Connor rubbed circles into his back. Evan tried to match his breathing. When he was relatively calm ten minutes later, he pulled away from Connor. He wiped his eyes and nose.

‘Thanks,’ he said.

‘Wanna watch a movie until you fall asleep again?’ Connor suggested. Evan nodded and yawned. He shuffled away from Connor to stand up. The two walked out of the room. Evan sat on the couch while Connor searched through the stacks of movies. He pulled on out and held it up in front of Evan. It was Fiddler On The Roof. Evan nodded in reply.

Once the movie was in the DVD player, Connor made his way back to the couch.

Evan had fallen asleep halfway through the movie. When he woke up, the TV was turned off and Connor was gone. The sleepy boy rubbed his eyes and sat up. His hand crumpled something on the couch. He looked down and found a piece of paper. He picked it up and flipped it over. 

It was the drawing of him and Connor in the forest. There was a small message in the bottom right corner. _Two friends on a perfect day._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I read over the mini arc summary I made, I did a shit ton of combing chapters and turns out this arc only has 4 chapters left oof. This arc was suppose to have 13 or 15 chapters and now it’s down to 7
> 
> I low-key started dissociating myself while writing that last scene wow
> 
> (Hey I finally made a Tumblr. Go ask me shit and yell with me about DEH and other musicals: i-love-deh-lets-be-friends. I might post previews to chapters from time to time)


	26. Only Human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m not a therapist, Jared! How am I helping him if I can’t even help myself?”
> 
> Evan closed his hands into tight fists, crushing the cookie. He brought his fists to his face and dug them into his eyes. He sighed and lowered his arms, letting the crumbs fall from his hands and onto the bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated

Evan was once again in the company of Zoe. This time they were walking around her neighborhood. She suggested that reading signs and building names would be a good way to practice. Evan had agreed only because he wanted to get out of the house. Not that the Murphy house isn’t nice; it very much is. But whenever he’s in the house, it seems. . . Fake. Like every item on the tables and counters and windowsill are just for show.

Zoe had told him earlier about how Cynthia goes through different phases every so often and that’s why there’s random things everywhere. Cynthia just couldn’t bare to part with them, she claimed they might need to be used again.

Evan waddled down the sidewalk behind Zoe. The ice was melting but Evan didn’t want to take any chances. He wanted his leg to heal fast and falling wouldn’t help that process.

As they walked, Evan made it his mission to observe as many details as he could. The way leaves moved in the wind, the way Zoe’s and his shoes made implants in the snow, even the small stars drawn from Sharpie on the cuffs of Zoe’s jeans.

Zoe turned her head to look over he shoulder and pointed at a billboard, showcasing a bunch of shops. “Can you read those ones?” She stopped walking.

Evan stood next to her. “All of them?”

She nodded.

Evan swallowed as his eyes drifted across the large letters. “The names of the stores or all the writing?”

“Just the names.”

Evan nodded. “Barnes and Noble,” he started. “The Dollar Store, PetSmart, and Michael’s.”

Zoe smiled and nodded. “Good job.” She turned around. “We should head back. It’s been thirty minutes and I’m freezing.”

Evan followed her as she walked. “You, you should’ve worn a jacket.”

Zoe shrugged. “I didn’t think it would be this cold.” A brief silence flew between the two teenagers before Zoe spoke again. “You’re doing really well with this Evan.”

Evan tilted his head in confusion. “What do you mean?”

The girl sighed. “I mean, if I were you I’d be freaking out over the fact I’m able to see after so long. Three weeks can’t be enough to get used to everything.”

Evan chuckled awkwardly. “Oh. That. Yeah.”

Silence drifted over to them once again, but it wasn’t the comfortable silence he was used to. It was tense and made the hair on Evan’s arms stand up. He didn’t know why, but he didn’t want Zoe to know about the restless nights, or the fact that he was afraid to open his eyes every morning only to realize he couldn’t see. He didn’t know her that well, but the nauseating thought of disappointing anybody made him keep quiet.

“Evan?”

Evan blinked and looked around. They were back at the house. The boy looked at Zoe.

“Are you okay?” she asked. “You seemed like you spaced out.”

Evan nodded. “I’m al— I’m okay.” He gently moved passed her. “I’m gonna go talk with Connor if that’s alright.”

Zoe seemed skeptical but nodded and stepped out of his way. Evan entered the house and right away, warm air surrounded him. He shrugged his jacket off and placed it on the long table in the entryway before heading for the stairs. He made it to the top with more success than last time.

Connor’s door was wide open when he got to it. Evan peeked inside and saw Connor wasn’t on his bed like he usually is. He turned around to call for Zoe if she knew where he was when the door across the hall opened.

Connor stepped out and slowly closed the door. When he saw Evan, a surprised look crossed his face. At his confusion, Connor held up two bottles of nail polish, one black and the other clear, and put a finger to his lips. He gently pushed Evan into his bedroom and closed the door. Evan stood by the door awkwardly as Connor moved to the bed.

Connor leaned across the bed to reach the mini table and grabbed a notebook. He placed it in his lap and waved Evan over. The boy made his way over to the bed and sat down.

Evan watched as Connor unscrewed the cap and pulled out the brush. Connor laid his left hand on the notebook and began to paint his nails.

‘You’re good at that,’ Evan pointed out. Connor rolled his eyes and tilted his head back and forth as if to say, “Yeah sure”. Evan messed with the light grey blanket as Connor painted his nails.

A few minutes went by before Connor finished. He put the brush back in the container and blew on his fingers. He laid his hands back on the notebook.

‘I don’t know why I continue to do this,” he said, referring to his nails. ‘They last about a week before I start picking at them.’

Evan shrugged and looked at his own group of stubs he called nails. ‘It’s better than biting them constantly.’ His thumb drifted across the ragged edges of the nails. He winced as some skin got caught on one.

Connor tapped on Evan’s hand. Evan looked up. ‘Want me to paint them?’

He looked back at his bloodied cuticles and hangnails and nodded. Connor unscrewed the cap to the bottle again and Evan placed his hands on the notebook. Evan’s muscles tensed at how cold the nail polish was.

More minutes passed and Evan’s nails were all black. He looked at them and smiled. The bedroom door opened, causing Evan to turn his head in alarm. Zoe stood in the doorway looking down at her phone.

“Evan,” she said, “mom’s wondering if you’re staying for dinner.”

Evan shook his head. “No, no thanks.” He fiddled with his finger the best he could without ruining the wet polish on them. “I, I don’t want to intrude.”

Zoe bit her lip. “Whatever.” Her gaze lingered on Connor for bit before she turned to leave the room, closing the door behind her.

Evan looked at Connor, who was studying his hands.

‘I wish it was the way it used to be,’ Connor said suddenly. ‘We were so close.’

‘You can always start,’ Evan suggested. ‘It’s not too late.’

Connor groaned. ‘That’s the problem. I don’t know where to start.’

Evan shifted so he sat with his legs crossed. ‘Try with something small. Get her a gift or maybe just watch a movie or make dinner together.’

Connor sighed. ‘I’m scared. I’m scared I’ll hurt her, that I’ll yell.’

Evan looked down. ‘I don’t know how to help you with that. Sorry.’ He yawned.

‘Tired?’ Evan nodded. ‘Take a nap then. I’ll be doing my own thing.’

‘No,” Evan protested. ‘It’s your bed, I shouldn’t.’

‘It’s fine, Evan.’

Connor moved to stand up. Evan looked at the space Connor had just occupied. He huffed and scooted over to it. He slid under the blanket and closed his eyes, hoping sleep would come soon.

A loud buzzing woke Evan up. He jerked awake and sat up, looking around. He was in Connor’s room. The curtains on the window above the desk were pushed open, showing the starry night sky. The buzzing continued and Evan started fishing under the blanket to find his phone.

He pulled it out and saw he had twenty calls from Heidi and three texts. All of the texts were Heidi asking where he was.

Evan tossed his phone to the end of the bed and pushed the blanket off of him. A sudden grunt next to him made the boy jump. He looked to his right and saw Connor sleeping above the blankets.

He carefully nudged his arm. Connor’s eyes shot open and Evan scooted away; the look Connor had made startled him.

Connor sat up and rubbed his eyes. He blinked slowly. A look of surprise crossed his face when he caught sight of Evan. His hair was ruffled up, like some ran their hand through it a bunch of times, his cheeks were a bit rosy, and his eyes still had traces of sleep on them. There was also a hint of worry, Connor noticed.

‘What’s wrong?’ He asked.

‘My mom,’ Evan replied. ‘Can you drive me home? She’s been blowing up my phone with calls.’

Connor nodded and gestured for Evan to get out of the bed. Evan’s cheeks turned brighter as he shuffled off the mattress. He walked over to the bedroom door and grabbed his backpack and crutch.

Connor stood up and stretched. ‘Alright, now we just have to ask my mom for the car keys.’

 

Evan turned the locked doorknob only to figure out the door was unlocked. His heart was thumping against his rib cage. He didn’t want to face his worried mother.

He inhaled deeply and pushed the door open. He stepped into the apartment and set his backpack on the floor next to the closet. He untied his shoes and slipped them off. He made his way towards the main area that connected the kitchen and living room.

Heidi was sitting at the table, looking at her phone with her eyebrows furrowed. She looked up when Evan coughed. She stood up and made her way over to her son.

“Where were you?” she asked, wrapping her arms around Evan.

Evan hugged back. “At Connor’s. Zoe was helping me with some stuff and I fell asleep after talking with Connor. I’m sorry.”

Heidi backed up. “You’ve been spending a lot of time at Connor’s,” she pointed out. She didn’t have an amusing tone, but the boy couldn’t help but take it that way.

Evan fiddled with the hem of his shirt, a nervous habit he hadn’t done in a while. “So?” he replied, a little more harsh than he intended.

Heidi frowned. “Well, as your mother I’d expect you to let me know where you are.”

Evan spoke before he could stop himself. “Why? You, you’re never ho— you’re never here in the first place.”

Heidi stared at him in shock. “That doesn’t give you an excuse to just wander the town whenever you want. I worry when you’re not home when I get back.”

Evan averted his gaze to his feet. He couldn’t look her in the eyes. “What am I suppose to do?” His voice was just barely audible. “I just got my sight back and you’re never here to help me adjust. Of course I’d stay where people actually care.”

“I care—“

“If you did, you would—“

The yelling went back and forth, getting louder as the minutes passed. Tears pricked Evan’s eyes. His face was burning and his hands were balled up into fists at his side. Heidi was pacing back and forth, motioning with her arms.

Evan felt himself shrink back as his voice grew quieter.

He took a deep breath before shouting, “I’m tired of feeling alone!”

Everything stopped. Heidi stopped moving. Evan held his breath. The woman stared at her son in shock. She took a step closer to him. She held out her hand to touch his arm.

Evan jerked away and hurried to his room. He slammed the door shut and pressed himself against it. He slid down to the floor, extending his casted leg so it stuck out and pulling his other leg to his chest. He let the tears fall freely.

He wanted to go and apologize. He wanted to let her know he didn’t mean any of what he had said, that it was all impulse because of the situation.

Soft footsteps padded across the hallway carpet, making their way to the bedroom door. A tentive knock caught Evan’s attention. He put a hand over his mouth to quiet his sobs.

There was a few muttered words and a small sigh before the footsteps left.

Keys rattled and a door closed.

_No!_ Evan yelled in his mind. _Please don’t leave! I don’t want you hurt._

 

Evan sat on Jared's bed, head ducked down and hands in his lap. He had sent Jared a bunch of texts that were hardly readable but he understood what was happening, so Jared drove over to pick Evan up. Jared was currently searching the kitchen for any "cheer Evan up" food.

A few stray tears fell down Evan's face. He wanted to wipe them away but he couldn’t find the strength.

He lifted his head and took time to look around the room. This is the first time he’s been in Jared’s room and could actually see it. A large TV was hanging on the wall and an Xbox was hooked up to it, along with a DVD player. Two stacks of DVD’s stood next to the small bookshelf on the wall next to the bed. Posters of bands Evan had never heard of filled up the wall across from him, where the door was. The door was also covered in posters.

Evan ran his hand over the soft blanket on the bed. An old copy of the Torah lay open next to him. How he didn’t see that when he first sat down, he had no idea. He had no clue why it was out; he knew Jared didn’t actively read the Torah unlike his parents. With careful fingers, he lifted up the book. He made note of the paper bookmark as he turned the page. He had no idea what was written on the pages as he didn’t understand Hebrew. His own copy was translated from Hebrew to American Braille.

Jared appeared in the doorway and cleared his throat. Evan nearly dropped the Torah. He flipped back to the page it was on and set it down. “Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean, I was just- sorry.”

“Chill, Evan,” Jared said. He had a box of chewy Chips Ahoy cookies in his hand. He walked over and dropped them on the bed. He scooped up the Torah, closed it, and placed it between a book on video game cheats and his copy of an old book they read in middle school.

Jared sat down on the edge of the bed. “My parents found out I snuck out so now they’re making me memorize two pages of the Torah by heart and I’ll have to recite it to them,” he explained. “Now, what’s going on? You don’t just randomly send texts I can’t understand.”

“I just, I don’t know who I can turn to,” Evan admitted. “Zoe would tell me to just talk to Connor about it, Alana would make it worse.”

“What about Heidi?” Jared asked.

“She’s part of it too.” Evan started fiddling with the box of cookies. He didn’t open them, just messed with the wrapping. The sound of the wrapping crinkling calmed him down. Jared stared at the box. He reached over and tore the box open. He handed Evan a cookie and set the box somewhere he couldn’t reach it. “Sorry. . .” He started munching slowly on the cookie.

“So what’s the problem?”

“I just. . .” Evan sighed. “Ever since I’ve gotten my sight back, it seems like my mom just expects everything to be fine. But really, it’s gotten worse! My anxiety has sky rocketed, I’m overwhelmed now that I can see because I’m not used to it. Do you know how many panic attacks I’ve had because of it? How many times I’ve thought that I can’t actually see and that I’m dreaming?

“And then there’s Connor. I know he means well but sometimes it’s like he expects me to help him get better. He keeps asking me how to reconnect with Zoe. His mom said that I’m helping him get better for some reason. I’m not a therapist, Jared! How am I helping him if I can’t even help myself?”

Evan closed his hands into tight fists, crushing the cookie. He brought his fists to his face and dug them into his eyes. He sighed and lowered his arms, letting the crumbs fall from his hands and onto the bed.

“It’s like they think I’m a robot that can be fixed or can fix problems automatically,” Evan whispered. “But I’m not. I’m a human being with human emotions.”

The blond had backed up so he was leaning against the wall. He dragged his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. “Sorry,” he continued, “I didn’t, didn’t mean to, to dump it all out. I just, once I started I had, I couldn’t stop. I’m probably overreacting anyways, sorry.”

“You’re not overreacting,” Jared assured. “But, I’m not the best with emotional situations, so I really can’t help you.”

“No, I get it. I just needed to tell someone, you don’t have to do anything.” Evan looked at Jared. “But uh, why’d you sneak out?”

“I just. . . Needed fresh air and clear my thoughts for bit. But when I came back, the basement light was on and my parents were standing by the window. I ended up telling them that I was out with my girlfriend.”

“Do you? Have a girlfriend, I mean.”

Jared seemed to deflate and Evan had to fight the urge to apologize. “No.”

“Sorry.”

Jared scoffed. “Ladies aren’t able to resist the Insanely Cool Jared Kleinman, so my girlfriend would be jealous all the time.” He bit his lip, seemingly lost in thought. He stared at the blanket. Jared blinked and slightly shook his head and sat up straight, a grin breaking out onto his face. “Well, I’d love to hang out longer but I have to go figure out who I have to pay to be my pretend girlfriend for a while. My parents want to meet her. Oh, can you return the cookies downstairs?”

Evan nodded and climbed off the bed. He grabbed the hardly empty box of cookies and walked out of the room, waving to Jared as he did so. Jared just stared blankly at the carpet.

Evan walked down the stairs and was going to walk into the kitchen when he heard Jared’s parents talking.

“—to meet a girlfriend,” Claire said. “He’s been going on about this queer nonsense and now he’s sneaking around? He wouldn’t be sneaking if he had a girlfriend, he’s hiding something.”

Evan pressed himself against the wall, silently cursing at himself for eavesdropping.

George sighed loudly. “He wouldn’t have to sneak out if you just let him be.” George’s voice towered over Claire’s. His shoes smacked against the hard, tile floor. He was pacing.

“George, you know what the—“

“That book says nothing against it, Claire!” Evan flinched at the raised volume.

“I didn’t raise my son to be a bad Jew.”

Evan froze. Bad Jew?

“Damn it, Claire!” George roared. “It’s not wrong to be gay, but there’s something wrong with being a homophobic bitch.”

The box of cookies fell from Evan’s loosened grasp, tumbling to the floor with a loud rattle. The talking stopped. Tears rushed to the corners of Evan’s eyes and he didn’t hear the voices calling after him as he ran back to Jared’s room.

Jared stood up with a look of alarm on his face. “What happened?”

Evan sniffed. “Y-your mom said—“ he broke off as sobs shook his body.

Jared stared, his face paled. He hoped he didn’t say what he thought she said. Jared tried to keep his face blank. He couldn’t let Evan know the things she said to him.

“She probably didn’t mean it like that,” Jared tried. “It most likely came out wrong, whatever she said.”

Evan stiffened. He swallowed and nodded. “Yeah.” His voice was barely above a whisper. “You’re right. It wasn’t even directed at me. I’m just overreacting.”

_No!_ Jared’s mind screamed. _Don’t let her get to you, Evan!_

God, why couldn’t Jared tell him the truth? 

jared started towards the door. “I’m gonna talk to her. I’d suggest leaving in case this ends badly.”

“Why would it end badly?” Evan questioned, following Jared down the hall.

“It just might.”

_Please leave_ , a small voice in Jared’s head whispered, _I don’t want you hurt._

Evan decided to take that advice and headed for the front door. He slipped his shoe on and tied it before heading for the door. He looked over his shoulder and watched Jared enter the kitchen. He spotted George sitting in the large rocking chair, resting his elbow on the arm of the chair while rubbing his temples, slowly moving the chair back and forth.

He locked eyes with the man and George gave a sad, apologetic smile. Evan jumped as yelling voices came from the kitchen. He took that as his cue to leave.

He made sure to close the door quietly, not wanting to disrupt the argument with his unnecessary noise.

It took him five minutes to realize he’d forgotten his phone in Jared’s bed. He didn’t want to walk back and risk facing Claire again.

So he walked. And walked. He walked for five minutes before realizing he didn’t know the way to his apartment. He sighed and stopped. He looked around to see if anything looked familiar. He didn’t have money for a bus so the bus stop on the other side of the street wouldn’t do any good.

Cars and trucks zoomed passed him. He waited until there was a break from them going down the road before crossing. He took a seat on the cold bus bench, silently hoping a bus wouldn’t come by. The teen sighed and ran his hands over his face.

He could always hitchhike. That thought sent chills down his spine. The chance of the driver being a murderer or stalker was too high for Evan’s comfort. He’d rather stay and freeze or get lost walking.

Luckily he didn’t have to do either. A familiar car slowed to a stop. Connor’s head poked out of the window.

‘Evan,’ he said. ‘What are you doing out here?’

‘Things happened with Jared’s mom and I left without my phone,’ the shivering boy answered. ‘What about you? How’d you get the car back?’

Connor brushed a stray strand of hair out of his face. ‘Told Cynthia I was visiting you and that Zoe probably wouldn’t want to come with. Now hop in, you’ll get sick.’

Evan stood up and made his way to the other side of the car. He pulled the door open and slid into the warm vehicle. He sunk into the seat warmer, placed the crutch between his knees, and buckled himself in. ‘So, what are you actually doing?’ Evan asked.

Connor rolled up his window. ‘Buying pot.’

Evan frowned. Cynthia’s voice rang through his mind. _He hasn’t smoked in a month._ ‘If you want to bond with Zoe, I wouldn’t recommend smoking again.’

Connor sighed and looked away. ‘I know,’ he admitted. ‘But quitting cold turkey is too hard. If I just keep it to once a month, it should be alright.’

Evan’s jaw clenched and the car began to move.

When Evan got home ten minutes later, he didn’t try to hide the disappointment swirling in his stomach at the sight of a dark, empty house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooh we got some Jared POV sprinkled in
> 
> The Evan/Heidi fight hurt me physically and mentally. But it had to be done sorry. Good things are coming soon I promise.
> 
> (Let’s yell about musicals together on tumblr: i-love-deh-lets-be-friends)


	27. Turn It Off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zack sent a smile towards Evan. “So you’re Evan? Jared’s spoken about you a few times. Nice to finally put a face to the name.”
> 
> Evan wiped his palm on his sweatpants before shaking the outstretched hand in front of him. “You must be Zack. Jared only mentioned you once.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated

Evan woke up the next day with a pounding headache and a tear stained face. He groaned and rolled over so he faced the shelves connected to his bed. He squeezed his eyes closed and buried his face into his pillow.

“Add this to the many reasons I hate crying,” he whispered to himself. He rolled onto his back and sat up. He threw the heavy blanket off his body and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. He stood up, careful to not fall over again. He stared at his cast, then at the crutch hanging on the wall. There was a small hook on the wall so he wouldn’t wake up with his crutch on the floor and no way to get it.

He bit his lip and opted to not go for the crutch. His doctor had told him he was getting the cast off in a week, so he figured it was alright to walk. He would grab it, though, before he left for school. Just in case his leg started hurting.

He walked over to the bedroom door and scooped up his backpack. He checked to make sure all his necessary textbooks were in there. When all three books were accounted for, he swung the backpack over his shoulders.

He made his way down the hall. Light snoring coming from Heidi’s room made him stop. Shouldn’t she be at work?

_Probably has a late shift_ , he told himself. He stared at her sleeping form for a bit longer. She looked so peaceful sleeping, her wrinkles weren’t as noticeable and her expression was more relaxed.

The alarm on the long table next to her bed went off, scaring both Evan and Heidi. Heidi sat up and rubbed her eyes while Evan scurried to the kitchen. He grabbed an apple when his phone buzzed in his pocket. He put the apple in his mouth and pulled out his phone. Connor and Zoe were waiting for him.

He slid the device back into his pocket and left the apartment right when Heidi walked into the living room. He held his breath, hoping she wouldn’t go after him. If he saw her, he was 90% sure he would burst into tears. He didn’t want to go to school with a puffy, tear stained face and red eyes; he’d rather do that when he got home.

If she was home, that is.

Evan walked out of the building and saw the familiar car parked near the door. The boy hurried over and slipped into the front seat. He said a quick hello to Zoe and turned to look at Connor. The long haired teen was glaring out the window. He wouldn’t meet Evan’s eyes.

Evan bit his lip and looked towards Zoe as she pulled out of the parking lot. “Is he okay?” he asked as he reached over his shoulder to grab the seatbelt.

Zoe nodded. “Mom is actually making him go to school for once. He’ll get over it.”

Evan furrowed his eyebrows and looked back at Connor through the rear view mirror. Connor stared back, his eyes narrowed. Evan directed his gaze to the front window and felt himself shrink into the seat.

He tried to pay attention to whatever Zoe was talking about, but the glare Connor had given him was all he could focus on.

Evan didn’t know why, but Connor was mad at him.

The moment the car stopped in the school parking lot, Connor had slammed the car door behind him and stormed towards the crowd of students pooling into the school. Evan tried to chase after him, but he got lost in the sea of people. Once the tall head of hair vanished from his sight, Evan stopped moving.

People pushed passed him and muttered unpleasant phrases when he didn’t move. A flash of shorter brown hair and glasses caught his attention and his feet unfroze from the ground.

He tried to walk as fast as possible to catch up with Jared, who was moving at an impossibly fast pace. Lucky for Evan, Jared stopped at his locker. Jared didn’t face him as he put in the locker combination.

Evan tapped on his shoulder, causing the boy to jump. Jared grabbed what he needed and closed the locker, turning slowly to face Evan.

Evan gasped. A large bruise covered Jared’s left cheek.

Jared used the hand that wasn’t holding textbooks to push his glasses up. He began to walk away.

Evan turned and sped after him. “Jared,” he breathed out, “what happened? Who did that?”

Jared’s brown eyes slid over towards Evan in a glare. “Who do you think?”

“She did that?”

Jared threw an arm up in exasperation. “No, it was Santa Claus—“

“—But Jared you’re—“

“—Of course it was her!”

Jared stopped walking, causing Evan to bump into his back.

“This was the first time if you’re wondering,” Jared explained. “She never does that.” He ran a hand through his hair, making it more messy than it already was. “Just. . . Don’t worry about me. And don’t tell anyone.”

Evan reached an arm out but Jared made a sharp turn down the hallway and disappeared.

 

Evan worried about Connor and Jared throughout the morning. That worry increased when Jared wasn’t sitting at their usual lunch table and Connor kept to himself, hardly eating anything. Evan can’t really blame him, school food tends to be horrible.

Evan sat across from Connor, wanting to give him space. He wanted to ask what was wrong, but he didn’t want him to get more upset than he already was. Based on that glare he received in the car, it had something to do with Evan. He couldn’t remember what he did.

Evan looked down at his small tray of pizza and applesauce. He took a bite of the pizza and swallowed it, grimacing at the terrible taste of sauce. The cheese and crust was fine, but the sauce ruined everything.

Two trays plopped down beside him. The startled boy looked up and saw Zoe and Alana sitting down. Alana flashed a smile towards the two boys and pulled out her phone.

“So, Evan,” Alana started, eyes glued to the bright screen and fingers speeding across the keyboard, “how has your studying been?”

Evan set down his spoon in his applesauce. “Well. Zoe’s a go— great teacher.”

Zoe beamed at the compliment. “He’s reading faster than he could a few weeks ago.”

Alana pushed her hair over her shoulder and set her phone down. A small sense of pride swelled through Evan’s body. He glanced back at Connor, who was now moving his mashed potatoes around with a spoon.

He tapped on Zoe’s shoulder, interrupting the small conversation she had going on with Alana. “Are you sure he’s alright?” he asked.

Zoe turned and stared at Connor. “I’m not sure at this point. I mean, he seemed fine after you went home yesterday.” She shrugged. “He even watched a movie with me. I could tell he wasn’t liking the movie but still.”

Evan frowned and took a bite of his pizza. He caught sight of Jared sitting next to a boy. The boy had a long strip of hair that was light pink and the sides were light blue. It was Zack. Evan knew briefly who he was, but Jared wouldn’t go beyond saying he was a friend. They’ve never formally met.

Evan’s thoughts were interrupted by Alana alerting him lunch was over. He stood up. He tossed his tray of barely eaten food into the nearest trash and hurried after Connor, who was quickly slipping through the crowd of students.

He reached out to grab Connor’s shoulder. Connor pulled away and slid a nasty glance at Evan.

The two walked side by side, not looking at each other; Evan at the floor, and Connor anywhere but Evan.

‘I get my cast off in a week,’ Evan tried. Connor’s only form of acknowledgement was a curt nod. Evan pursed his lips. ‘Connor please talk to me. Did I do something?’

‘Why don’t you go ask Zoe about it?’ Connor retorted. ‘You seem to love talking to her more than your own boyfriend.’

Evan furrowed his eyebrows. He didn’t get time to respond. Connor turned and walked the other way. If Evan wasn’t worried about being late for class, he’d be following him.

When the end of the day arrived, Jared had texted Evan saying that even if he was in a bad mood, he’d still drive him home. To which, Evan happily agreed. And that’s how Evan ended up at Jared’s locker. He’d been waiting there for five minutes and grew increasingly worried as the minutes ticked by.

Did Jared forget? Was he waiting somewhere else?

His questions were answered when his phone began to ring.

“Hello?” Evan asked into the speaker.

“Where are you?” Jared asked. “I’ve been sitting in my car forever!”

“You, you’re at your car? I’ve been standing by your locker.”

Jared snorted. “Hurry up. Zack doesn’t like arriving home late.” He hung up.

Evan fixed his backpack so it wouldn’t fall off and headed out of the school. He walked between what few cars lingered in the parking lot before he found Jared’s. He slid into the backseats where Zack was sitting, due to the backpacks in the passenger side.

Zack sent a smile towards Evan. “So you’re Evan? Jared’s spoken about you a lot. Nice to finally put a face to the name.”

Evan wiped his palm on his sweatpants before shaking the outstretched hand in front of him. “You must be Zack. Jared only mentioned you once.”

A loud scoff could be heard from the front seat.

Zack laughed. “I don’t know if he told you this but I’m his—“

“A bababa!” Jared interjected. “Please don’t.”

Zack seemed shocked. “Right. Sorry.”

“Anyways, who am I dropping off first?”

Zack made eye contact with Jared in the rear view mirror. “Can I go to your place today? I need help with studying.”

Jared’s eyes widened before he responded. “How about over Skype? My mom’s been stressed all week about a meeting and I don’t wanna ruin that.”

Zack seemed to deflate. “Oh. Okay.”

Jared bit his lip, seemingly thinking about something. “Hey Evan!” He drummed his fingers against the wheel as the approached a red light. “How do you feel about being dropped off first?”

Evan shrugged. “I, uh, I don’t really care.”

Jared nodded. “Great, it’s decided.”

 

If there was a list of things Evan never expected in his life, seeing his mom lying on the couch with a bowl of chips in her lap while Criminal Minds played on the TV was in the top five. For one it seemed like the tension in her shoulders was gone, somewhat at least. And two, she was actually home before midnight.

Evan set his backpack down and hobbled over to the couch, desperately wanting to sit down. Forgetting his crutch in his room had been a mistake.

He perched himself on the arm of the couch. Heidi looked up.

“You’re home early.”

Heidi handed Evan a chip. “Decided to take a few days off,” she replied, shrugging her shoulders.

Evan nibbled on the chip. “I’m sorry.”

Heidi’s eyebrows perked up. “Why?”

Evan sighed. “I yelled. I got mad.”

Heidi set the bowl of chips on the floor and swung her legs over the edge of the couch to stand up. She placed her hands on Evan’s shoulders and stared into his eyes. “You are allowed to be mad, Evan,” she said softly. “That’s a valid feeling. _I_ should be sorry. I’m the one who’s never home, I made you feel like I don’t love you.”

Evan looked at the floor and shook his head. “You’re just trying to provide for me.”

Heidi ran a finger across his cheek to get the stray tear that Evan hadn’t even known was there. “Wanna finish this episode with me?” she suggested.

“But I have homework.”

Heidi seemed to falter a bit. “Right.”

“I, I can do it later though.”

“No, it’s alright. Why don’t you go do that and after we can make tacos.”

Evan lit up and nodded. He got off the couch and picked up his backpack. Heidi turned off the TV and held the bowl of chips in her hands. Evan grabbed a few and headed to his room.

An hour later, he was completely done with his homework. He hurriedly shoved the papers and books into his backpack. He got to the kitchen and saw Heidi had already started.

“Make sure to wash your hands,” she said as she turned on the stovetop. Evan nodded and walked over to the sink. He made sure the water wasn’t too hot and poured soap onto his palms. Once his hands were clean—and he spent a minute scrubbing them, so they better be—he walked over to the stove.

The next twenty minutes were spent making the tacos and joking and laughing.

Evan had finished setting the table and Heidi brought over the tray of tacos. The two sat down across from each other. Evan took a small sip of his water before reaching for a taco.

The silence that fell over them wasn’t bad. It was quite enjoyable.

Evan was happily munching his taco when a thought occurred to him. He swallowed his mouthful of beef and cheese and set the taco on his plate. “Mom?” he asked.

“Hmm?” Heidi answered, busy with her own taco.

“Am I a bad Jew?”

Heidi nearly dropped the taco. She stared at him with wide eyes. She swallowed and coughed. “Of course not, sweetie. Who told you that?”

Evan looked down. “I do— it doesn’t matter. I don’t know why I said that. No one told me that.”

Heidi frowned. “Was it me? Did I make you feel like that?”

“No!” Evan exclaimed. Heidi blinked at the outburst. “I just— I overheard Jared’s mom. She— it wasn’t directed towards me.”

“What did she say, Evan?”

Evan tried to blink away tears. “That being gay was what bad Jews did.”

Heidi stood up and tossed her napkin onto her plate of a half-eaten taco. She walked over to the front door and grabbed her keys off the hook.

“Mom,” Evan tried, “it, it’s okay!”

“It’s obviously not if it affected you like this.”

“She didn’t even say it to me.” He wobbled over to her. “It was about Jared.” His blood went cold at what he just admitted.

Heidi looked even more livid. “I’ll be right back.”

“But—“

She was gone before he could finish his sentence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title - Turn It Off from Book of Mormon
> 
> Ahh Zack is finally in the story!! He’s gonna mostly be in Jared’s arc and briefly in the Jared one-shot. And yes, he is Jared’s boyfriend in case you’re wondering
> 
> Ooh mama Hansen is about to fucking go off at Claire. Unfortunately it won’t be in this story but it will be in her one-shot!! Speaking of one-shots, I wonder if I can post the Jared one at this point
> 
> One more chapter until this arc is finished
> 
> (Let’s yell about musicals together on tumblr: i-love-deh-lets-be-friends)


	28. An Unexpected Turn Of Events

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan’s face went red. “But we—“
> 
> Heidi walked over and ruffled his hair. She leaned over and waved at Connor. “Alright, well I have to go.” She kissed Evan’s head and walked towards the door. “Be safe, don’t get stains on the couch please.”
> 
> “Mom!”
> 
> Heidi’s laugh was cut off by the door closing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated

**Evan: I’m sorry**

**Jared: evan i told you not to tell anyone**

**Evan: it slipped out**

**Jared: whatever. Just glad that my mom didnt confront me about it**

**Evan: sorry**

Jared left him on read.

Evan threw his phone on the bed and laid his arm across his face. He drew his non-casted leg up so it was bent. He scratched his knee. The quiet sound of Heidi cleaning dishes made its way through his open door. She’d kept her word and had been staying home for the past two days.

He’s noticed that she has a slight spring in her step and that the bags under her eyes have gotten better.

She still went to class of course, but it was always after dinner and when Evan got ready for bed.

He rolled onto his side. Heidi’s quiet knocking on the doorframe made him look over. She gave a small smile before entering the room. She took a seat next him, making the bed dip down.

She placed a hand on his arm. “You doing okay?”

Evan shrugged. “Jared’s mad I told you and Connor’s mad at me for something,” he replied. He rolled over again and looked at his mom. “Anyways, what happened with you and Claire? I’ve never seen you that angry.”

Heidi smiled. “Don’t worry about it. But stop changing the subject. Try approaching him at school. If that doesn’t work, then just maybe leave him alone for a few days.”

That one vine with the little girl complaining about drama at school popped into Evan’s head. Walk away. Except he would have to walk away from everyone and that would leave him without anyone to talk to. Jared’s mad at him, Alana would ask about it, Zoe would force Connor and Evan to talk it out.

Actually. That might work. He could ask Zoe to ask Connor about whatever he’s upset about. Zoe would tell Evan and he’d stop doing whatever it is he was doing.

He could practically hear the nagging voice in the back of his head telling him to face your own problems. Isn’t that what Dr. Sherman keeps telling you to do?

Wait. Wasn’t Zoe apart of it in the first place?

Evan sighed. “Yeah.” His voice was just above a whisper. “I’ll do that.”

Heidi smiled and stood up.

 

School the next day was boring to say the least. Jared didn’t outright ignore him, but didn’t make any moves to initiate conversation either. Connor took the long ways to classes or outright didn’t show and wasn’t at lunch. Evan spotted him buying something from the vending machine, so he knew he was eating.

Jared was sitting next to him in sixth hour, doodling over the worksheet the teacher assigned. Evan leaned over to get a better look. It was a stick figure with muscles and a cape. The words “The insanely cool Jared Kleinman” were written next to it.

Evan snorted, causing Jared to narrow his eyes.

“Well sorry my artistic ability isn’t up to your standards,” he said. His pencil slipped from his fingers and fell to the ground. He cursed and down to pick it up. Evan went back to focusing on his work.

“So,” Jared continued, “are you and your boyfriend fighting?”

Evan choked on air. “W-what?” He blinked in disbelief. “How did you— never mind.”

“Wait.” Jared laughed, getting rude glares from over students and the teacher. “You’re actually dating?”

Evan went red. He looked away.

_Bad Jew._

“I uh—“

“Dude,” Jared interrupted. He leaned back in his seat, folding his hands over his lower abdomen. “It’s totally chill if you are. Although, I would’ve gone for someone a little less. . . Problematic.”

Evan glared at Jared. 

Jared put his hands up in mock surrender. “But seriously,” he leaned forward and placed his arms on the desk, “why are you fighting?”

Evan sighed. “I’m not sure.” Jared lifted his eyebrows. “He’s just— He’s ignoring me and i don’t know what I did.”

The brown haired boy rolled his eyes and pushed up his glasses. “Talk to him,” he said, as if it was the easiest thing to do.

Evan gave up on trying to do his work and turned to face Jared. “Oh yeah, because it’s so easy to do that when he’s ignoring my texts and skipping classes.”

Jared stared. “Who knew you could be sarcastic,” he muttered. “Just. . . Be careful, okay? Connor isn’t— he’s not the nicest person.”

Evan frowned. “You just always manage to get on his bad side.”

“He’s all a bad side!” Jared threw his arms up. “Remember that he threw a printer in second grade?”

“That was the past.”

Jared rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Your funeral.”

 

Heidi was getting ready for her class and Evan was doing homework at the kitchen table. Papers from various classes were spread across the table. He was sharpening his pencil when Heidi came out of her room.

“Class is early tonight,” she said. She planted a kiss on top of Evan’s head. “I’ll be back before midnight. Try to get to bed at a reasonable time.”

Evan nodded, concentrating on a math problem. She patted his head and walked away. The front door closed and his phone buzzed. He set the pencil down and picked up the phone.

**Connor: I’m coming over**

**Connor: we need to talk**

The phone fell from Evan’s shaking grasp. It landed on the hard wood with a loud thud.

What did he do? Was Connor breaking up with him? Did he finally realize what a horrible person Evan was? Did he find someone else? Someone with less panic attacks and more mental stability?

With shaking hands and blurred vision, he picked up his phone and attempted to type out a message.

**Evan: wat dud ido?**

**Evan: ar eouy mad?**

**Evan: imsorry**

He wiped away the tears before they lead to a full panic attack. He set his phone down and pushed the papers and books away. There was no way he’d be able to focus on homework at that moment. He stood up and walked around the house, looking for Charles.

The tears were making it hard to navigate the small apartment and he ended up tripping over walls and knocking his knees into them. He found Charles curled up on Heidi’s bed. The dog lifted his head up at the sight of Evan.

He walked over to the bed and climbed onto it, wrapping his arms around the dog. He buried his face into Charles’s neck. He could feel the tears soaking the dog’s fur.

He laid there for ten minutes, just sobbing and letting out everything that’s built up in the last few days.

There was a loud knock on the sliding glass door in the living room. Evan sniffed and sat up. He rubbed his face, trying to get rid of the tears. His body shook as he stood up, his heart going through palpitations.

He made his way to the living room and spotted an angry Connor standing outside. He took a deep breath and opened the door. Connor stepped inside.

‘What do you need to talk about?’ Evan asked. He tried to control his trembling hands.

‘Do you like my sister?’ Connor asked.

Evan stood there, stunned at the question. ‘Well, Yeah,’ Evan answered. ‘She’s great.’

Connor’s expression darkened. ‘I knew it.’ Evan tilted his head in confusion. ‘You get your sight back and see how wonderful and pretty Zoe is. You decided to use me? Is that all this was, Evan?’

Evan shook his head, taking a step back as Connor advanced. ‘That’s not— I wouldn’t! I mean, Zoe’s great and funny and kind. She’s also pretty. Oh god I’m not helping my case here, am I? I just— I meant that, well she is pretty but I-‘

“God, shut up! I can’t think straight with you rambling.”

Evan froze. He stared at Connor with wide eyes. 

Did Connor really just. Speak?

His voice was so much different than his laugh, than his soft sighs and long, exaggerated groans of annoyance. This was loud and startling. It scared Evan.

His hands started shaking. He speaks and that’s what he says? For him to shut up?

Tears pooled up in his eyes for the second time that day. Evan sniffed and tied to blink them away. God, why was he so sensitive?

He held back a sob and Connor’s face twisted into shock.

‘Evan, I didn’t mean—‘

Evan dug the heels of his hands into his eyes to rub the tears away, not catching the end of Connor’s sentence. Arms gently gripped his shoulders and he was led over to the couch. The two sat down. Connor pried Evan’s hands away from his face.

Evan kept his head down. He didn’t want Connor to see him cry. Connor gently grasped his right hand.

‘I didn’t mean it,’ he said. The way Connor’s fingers drifted across his palm sent chills down his back. It tickled and he tried not to pull his hand away in fear of giving off the wrong message. ‘I just. . . I was mad and shouted the first thing that came to mind.’

Evan sniffed. ‘It’s fine.’ He wiped his face again and looked up to meet Connor’s gaze. ‘I can’t believe that you actually think I’d cheat on you with Zoe.’

Connor rubbed the back of his neck. ‘I mean. You’ve been hanging with her for a long time.’

Evan blinked. ‘Okay, yeah I can see why you’d come to that conclusion.’ Evan looked away. ‘You don’t have to worry about that. I shouldn’t be the one to tell you this, but Zoe doesn’t like boys.’

Connor opened and closed his mouth, processing the information he was just given. ‘Good for her.’

‘And if I didn’t like you,’ Evan continued, ‘would I do this?’ He leaned forward and touched his lips to Connor’s. The taller boy gasped in surprise but kissed back.

Connor grabbed Evan’s hand to sign into it. ‘Probably not,’ he said.

Evan giggled at that. The kiss ended so they could both breathe. Evan smiled and Connor resumed the kiss. It startled Evan enough for Connor to be able to lay him down on the couch. Connor’s hands traveled low to carefully hold Evan’s hips. Evan laid his arms around Connor’s neck and his fingers played with the small curls in his hair.

Connor littered his face with small kisses before moving to his neck. He rubbed his thumbs in circles on the little bit of Evan’s exposed skin. Evan giggled again at the feeling. It tickled, yet felt good.

A minute passed and Connor went back up to kiss his lips.

The quiet sound of Claire’s voice creeped into Evan’s mind.

_Bad Jew, bad Jew, bad Jew!_

Evan tried to push the words away, but had no luck. He kept his eyes tightly closed, hoping to stop the tears before they even began. A single tear slid passed, and Evan scolded himself.

How many times was he going to cry that evening?

Connor felt the tear and pulled away. ‘What’s wrong?’

Evan shook his head. ‘Don’t.’ He tried to pull Connor back into the kiss. Connor pushed his hands away. ‘Please, Connor. Just leave it alone.’

Connor sighed and wiped the boy’s tears away. Evan pulled him back into the kiss.

He barely registered the front door unlocking and opening.

“So, I’m halfway to campus,” Heidi began, walking right passed the couch, not looking at the two boys, “and I realize I forgot my phone. So I had to make myself late by driving back here.”

Evan pushed Connor off him and sat up, looking at his mom with wide eyes. Connor groaned as he fell. He glanced over to make sure the poor boy was okay. Heidi was standing in the kitchen. She was unplugging her phone from its charger.

She made eye contact with the panicked boy. Her eyes darted to his neck and back up to his eyes. She sighed and dug through her purse, pulling something out. She flung the thing over to the two. Evan scrambled to pick it up. It was a condom.

He dropped it onto Connor’s face, who grunted in response. “Mom!” he yelled.

She laughed. “You both may be guys, but that doesn’t protect you from STDs.”

“We weren’t— he— I—“

Heidi laughed. “Evan, you don’t have to lie. I was young once too.”

Evan’s face went red. “But we—“

Heidi walked over and ruffled his hair. She leaned over and waved at Connor. “Alright, well I have to go.” She kissed Evan’s head and walked towards the door. “Be safe, don’t get stains on the couch please.”

“Mom!”

Heidi’s laugh was cut off by the door closing.

Connor’s arms wrapped around Evan’s waste, tugging him close. He placed another kiss on the crook of his neck, sending a shiver down the boy’s spine. The condom dropped into Evan’s lap. The boy’s eyes widened and he picked up the condom, tossing it over the couch.

Connor snorted and moved so they were laying next to each other on the couch. Evan rolled so he faced Connor. Connor had his eyes closed and was snoring softly.

He fell asleep fast.

Evan struggled to get out of the tight hold, but Connor just whined and pulled him closer. Evan sighed and tried to get comfortable. He looked at the sleeping boy. He looked much more relaxed like that, the stress was gone from his face and he wasn’t sporting his usual scowl.

_I love him._

Evan paused. It felt a bit too early in the relationship to think that. Flashes of memories throughout the school year flooded into his mind. The time Connor helped him out of a panic attack, when Connor took him out for ice cream after Evan basically ruined their project that they hadn’t even turned in, when Connor showed him the orchard. The moments when Connor truly laughed, the laugh that made his smile cover his face and eyes shine.

Sure, they had fights and disagreements. But who didn’t? They always resolved them in some way.

He decided in that moment, that no. It wasn’t too early to think that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like Connor’s too OOC sorry
> 
> Found/Tonight has got me fucked up. I’ve been overly emotional since its release and I haven’t stopped listening to it. I highly recommend buying it from iTunes rather than using Spotify, as a portion of the money goes to the March For Our Lives fund
> 
> Oof Evan’s arc is now finished and everything seems wrapped up. Now I’m gonna take another break for a week and try to map out Jared’s arc because i have the first chapter planned and i only have a basic idea about where his arc is gonna go.
> 
> (Let’s yell about musicals together on tumblr: i-love-deh-lets-be-friends)


	29. Welcome To My Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated

The most annoying sound to ever enter Jared’s ears was the ringing of his alarm in the early hours of the mornings. The piercing _buzz, buzz, buzz_ of the device made him hate the world before he even opened his eyes.

The tired boy rolled over and reached blindly for his phone. He took the charger out and shut off the terribly noise. He cracked open his eyes and grabbed his glasses. He rubbed his eyes before putting the glasses on. He sat up and licked his dry lips, waiting for his eyes to adjust to the brightest of his bedroom.

His mom must’ve come in and opened the blinds. He hated that. His bed was on the other side of the room, away from the window, so by the time he got over there to shut the blinds he’d be wide awake.

He stretched and flung the blanket off his body. He immediately started shivering. He stood up fast, and while holding his head in hopes to stop the head rush, made his way over to his closet. He grabbed the nearest graphic t-shirt and flannel and the first pair of jeans from the neatly folded stack his mom recently fixed.

He got dressed and slipped his phone into his pocket. He left the bedroom and walked across the hall to the bathroom. He stood in front of the mirror and attempted to do his hair. He always aimed for a cool, messy look but usually ended up with something that made him look like he lost his hairbrush.

He ran his fingers through the pieces that stood out more than others, trying to pat it down. If he used water it would ruin the entire look.

“Jared!” his mom called from downstairs. “Breakfast is ready!”

Jared swallowed. “Be down soon!” he yelled back. He took a deep breath and met his own eyes in the mirror. He placed his hands on the counter and leaned forward. “You can do this.”

He left the bathroom and went back to his room and grab his backpack. He made sure to take his time going down the stairs. Jared sniffed the air and realized his mom made waffles. Jared’s steps got longer and soon he was sitting at the table with a plate of two waffles.

“Alana was really sweet,” his mom said from the other side of the table, clearly pleased. “You should bring her over for dinner some time. I’m so glad you got over that gay nonsense and found a girl. We wouldn’t want you to be a bad Jew, would we?”

Jared’s blood turned to ice. He struggled to swallow his small bite of food. “About that,” he started. His body went numb. “She uh, decided she wasn’t ready for a relationship. She wants to focus on her studies more.”

Claire stared at her son. “Oh. Jared you should really wait until you’re serious about a girl before you bring them to meet your parents.”

“You were the one that wanted to—“

She raised her eyebrows. Jared shut his mouth and shoveled in two fork fulls of waffles.

_Bad Jew. You’re a bad Jew for lying. Lying about breaking up with Alana. Lying about being with Alana._

_Bad Jew, bad Jew, bad Jew._

Jared pushed himself away from the kitchen table. “Gotta go, running late,” he exclaimed. He stood up and grabbed his backpack, swinging it over his shoulder as he hurried out of the kitchen. “Bye, I love you!”

He was not running late. If anything, he had twenty minutes until he had to leave. He just couldn’t stand being in that house with her.

He pulled out his phone and dialed Zack’s number.

He picked up on the third ring. “Hey Jared!”

“I’m on my way.” Jared hopped into the car and started it. He put the car in reverse and backed out of the driveway.

Zack stumbled over his words and his voice was muffled by something. “So early? Why?”

“I’ll tell you when I get there.” Jared made a left turn. “I don’t wanna discuss it over phone.”

“Is it your mom?” Zack whispered. Jared smiled briefly. The way he asked made it sound like he was asking about a secret.

“Yeah.” Jared found himself nodding despite no one being there. “Gotta go. Distracted driving and all, I know you worry about that.”

Zack made exaggerated kissing noises. Jared rolled his eyes and hung up. He put on his Spotify playlist and rolled down the car window.

It took him ten minutes to get to Zack’s house and when he pulled into the driveway, he spotted the boy sitting on the steps leading up to the front door. Zack sprang up and bounded towards the car. He opened the passenger door and slid in. After buckling himself in, he looked at Jared.

“What happened?”

Jared retold the morning in the kitchen, moving his hands around in exasperation. He started tearing up a little at the end but made sure Zack couldn’t see it.

“She’s a bitch,” Zack said after he was done explaining. Hearing the swear from his boyfriend’s mouth startled Jared. He chuckled in response.

“Trying telling that to her face.” Jared rolled out of the driveway and stole a glance at Zack. He was staring at the window.

Zack sighed. “It’s such a shame to see the snow melt.”

Jared hummed in agreement. “If you want snow well into February, move to Canada or something. At least you don’t have to drive in it.”

The drive was silent, but peaceful. Zack reached for Jared’s phone and used his thumb to unlock it. Jared rolled his eyes as Zack chose a different playlist.

“Your music sucks,” Zack said.

Jared scoffed. “Like yours is any better.”

Zack pressed his mouth in a tight line as he scrolled through the song choices. “It’s not that bad. It’s better than your Mac Lethal stuff.”

Jared threw his head back. “You enjoyed Alphabet Insanity.”

Zack shrugged and clicked a song. He smirked and set the phone down, watching Jared intently. Jared had to admit, the song was catchy. But damn it if he was caught bopping his head along to the beat. Zack would never let it go.

The faintest sound of a stomach rumbling could be heard over the loud singing of Juanes. Zack tensed up and looked away from Jared’s stare.

“Zack,” he began slowly, “did you eat breakfast?”

“Yes,” Zack replied a little too quick. “Why?”

“Because I heard your stomach rumbling.” Zack didn’t say anything. Jared made a sharp turn into the Caribou Coffee parking lot. “Jared—“

Jared turned the car off and got out of the vehicle. Zack followed closely behind. There was no one in the cafe besides the employees and one woman who was typing away on her computer with a serious expression on her face.

Jared walked up to the counter. “I’ll have two chocolate chip muffins and two mini donuts, please,” he said to the barista. The girl yawned and rubbed her eyes while nodding.

“That’ll be $9.53,” she responded. Jared fished out a ten dollar bill from his wallet and handed it to the girl, telling her to keep the change. She put it in the register and handed him his order. Jared nodded in thanks and walked over to Zack, who was standing by the door.

Once they were back in the car, Jared handed Zack a muffin and a mini donut. Zack looked at the food.

“Jared, please.” He swallowed. “I’m not hungry.”

“Bull,” Jared retorted. “We’re not leaving this parking lot until you eat.”

“Jared.”

“Zack.” Jared checked his phone for the time. “I’m willing to miss first hour if it means you’ll eat. I don’t want you fainting on me again.”

Zack sighed and took a small bite of the donut. Jared nodded approvingly and started the car. “You know this is hard for me,” Zack whispered.

“I know.” Jared pulled out of the parking space. “Just. . . Be careful.”

Zack opened his mouth to respond when his phone rang. Jared reached over for his own phone and paused the music.

Zack answered his phone and held it to his ear. “Hola mamá.” He took another bite from the muffin. “Sí, estoy comiendo ahora. Jared compró unas magdalenas.” He sighed. “Sí, voy a comer almuerzo. Adiós.”

“I understood very little of that conversation,” Jared commented once Zack resumed the music. Marc Anthony was singing now. 

Zack laughed. “I know you did. I keep telling you that I can help you with your Spanish class.”

Jared waved him off. They were getting close to the school. He looked over and saw Zack was now halfway done with his muffin. Zack pulled his shirt out in front of him, trying to get the crumbs off it.

By the time they entered the main office of the school, Zack had finished his muffin and Jared was just staring on his own. Jared told the front desk lady that traffic was bad, and she gave both of them passes for class.

Jared handed Zack the two donuts, knowing full well that he would throw them away the second he got a chance to but he silently hoped he wouldn’t. To his surprise, Zack reached into the bag and pulled out a donut. He took a bite.

Jared turned around and walked backwards, nodding towards him. Zack gave a faint smile in return, uncertainty clear on his face. Jared faced forward so he wouldn’t run into any walls, and the two went their separate ways.

 

Lunch rolled around and Jared strolled out of his Spanish class. He caught sight of Alana leaving the one of the German rooms and changed his course so he walked alongside her.

“Hello Jared!” she said cheerfully. “How was Spanish?”

Jared rubbed the back of his neck. “You know me, I can hardly say ‘can I go to the bathroom’ without messing up.”

“¿Puedo ir al baño?”

“How do you know that? You’re a German student.”

Alana shrugged and held her books closer to her chest. Why she never put them in her backpack, Jared will probably never find out. “Knowing multiple languages looks good on college applications.”

Jared chuckled. “Again with college. We still have awhile before that, you know that right?”

Alana stared at the boy. “They advised us halfway through sophomore year to start looking at colleges.”

“And you advised yourself during 7th grade.”

The two arrived at the cafeteria. The language classrooms were closer to the cafeteria than any other room so the Spanish and German kids were typically the first there. Which meant Jared could pick his spot with ease.

He and Alana chatted idly as they got their food and found a table near the vending machines. More people had arrived and the lunch room was slowly getting louder.

“So,” Jared began, stabbing his macaroni and cheese with his fork. “I told my mom we broke up.”

Alana looked up from her notebook. “Oh?” she questioned. “How did it go?”

Jared put the bite of food into his mouth and pushed his glasses up. “She uh, she said that I should be serious about a girl before bringing her over.”

Alana snorted. “She was the one that wanted me over.”

“That’s what I said!”

“You said what now?” Evan’s voiced piped in. He and Connor sat on the over side of the table.

Jared waved the blond boy off and continued eating his terrible food. He noticed Alana moving her hands around. “Are you serious?” he asked, startling everyone at the table. “Am I the only one that doesn’t know sign language?”

“I don’t know sign language,” Zack said suddenly, sitting next to Jared. “You aren’t alone in that department.”

“College transcripts, Jared,” Alana pointed out. Jared rolled his eyes. He eyed Zack’s tray of salad with no dressing or tomatoes or croutons. He sighed but didn’t say anything. Zack would just ignore him or tell him off.

Jared pushed his glasses up and went back to eating. Evan was talking to Connor, Connor was signing with Evan and Alana, and Zack was staring at his lunch.

He felt just like he did at the beginning of the year. Before he had Zack, or Alana, when he would find different tables to sit at every day because each group would get sick of him after five minutes. When he thought he had to pretend he was too cool for Evan because nobody wanted to be friends with the blind kid.

He hated that position and never thought he would be forced back into it. But here he was, elbows on the table and moving his food around with his fork, not wanting to say anything in case it was blown over. Is this how Evan felt all the time?

That must suck.

Zack managed to finish most of his salad by the time lunch ended, and Jared wanted to congratulate him but that would bring attention to it. He didn’t want that. It was a touchy subject and he didn’t want him to be bombarded with questions.

Jared stood up and walked away from the table. Zack followed behind. The two boys stayed silent as they walked down the hall. When they reached the area where they went separate ways, Zack stepped forward for a kiss.

_Bad Jew._

Jared took a small step back. Hurt flooded across Zack’s face. Jared’s heart sank. He wanted to kiss him, he really did. But.

_Bad Jew, bad Jew, bad Jared._

Zack sighed and nodded. He quickly wrapped his arms around Jared’s waist and before Jared could hug back, Zack was walking to the other side of the school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title - Welcome To My Life by Simple Plan
> 
> Oof I hope my Spanish was okay. I’m in Spanish 2 but I had to look up some stuff
> 
> I live for Jared and Alana friendships
> 
> I have no idea how to write Jared and I’m worried I’ll mess up. Also I’m sorry for taking almost a month to update
> 
> (Let’s yell about musicals on tumblr: i-love-deh-lets-be-friends)


	30. Your Friendly Neighborhood Dinner Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It took his five minutes longer to arrive at Zack’s house. Jared wanted time to think and prepare. Zack’s grandma was. . . She didn’t exactly accept Zack for who he was and Jared was ready to fight her. Not physically, of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated
> 
>  
> 
> Possible trigger warning: transphobia, mentions of vomiting, and implied eating disorder

Jared was putting his homework back into his backpack so he wouldn’t forget when his phone buzzed. He sat up straight on his bed and grabbed his phone from beside him. Zack had texted.

**Zack: My abuelita is making dinner this weekend. She’s making pisto and there are bound to be leftovers. Want to come?**

**Jared: i have no idea what that is but it’s free food so sure**

Zack sent back a smiley face, like. An old school smiley, with the colon and everything. Jared couldn’t help but cringe before laughing. Jared replied, telling him that he can’t understand him unless he uses real emojis. To which Zack had sent a colon and a P.

Jared rolled his eyes and let his phone fall from his fingers. A smile ghosted across his face. He finished zipping his backpack closed before standing up. He twisted his back so it cracked. The sound traveled throughout the room. Jared winced at the sound. He didn’t like the sound but loved the feeling afterwards.

He scooped up his phone, making sure to grab his charger as the battery was low, and left his room. He promised Evan he’d go over later after school. He was ten minutes late, but he still took his time going down the stairs.

He said a quick goodbye to his mom and walked out the front door. He climbed into his car and took a deep breath. He had to think. How was he suppose to tell his mom he was going to his boyfriend’s house for dinner with his family?

He couldn’t. He wouldn’t. Because she would interrogate him and Zack. One of them would spill everything and then Jared would get called a bad Jew and he wouldn’t be allowed to visit Zack ever again.

_You’re starting to sound like Evan._

Jared scoffed and tried to stop the thoughts.

He’d think up an excuse on the way to Evan’s house. He started the car and rolled out of the driveway. The ride was quiet. Normally he’d have music playing but this time he just wanted everything to be quiet. He wanted to think. Think about good stuff.

Think about the dinner and how good the food will be. Think about how he’s actually passing spanish for once. He has a D, sure, but that’s still a passing grade so he’ll take it.

He arrived at Evan’s apartment in ten minutes. He grimly thought of how close he lived yet Connor always picked him up despite living further. He knew Evan first, and that gives him the right to pick him up.

_Connor’s his boyfriend,_ he tried to reason with himself.

_So?_

_And you drove him away._

_I didn’t want him to realize that I was the loser. Besides, we made up anyways._

_You hurt him in the process._

He slammed his fist on the horn. The noise jolted him out of the conflict going on between himself and. Well, himself. Now was not the time to argue with your mind. He took his hand off the wheel, ceasing the noise. He turned off the car and climbed out of the vehicle.

He fished out his keys, spotting the one for the apartment. Evan had given him a spare a few years ago, sometime around 8th grade if Jared remembered correctly. He held the right key between his thumb and index finger as he walked towards the building.

He unlocked the door and walked in. The hallway was quiet. His footsteps and light breathing were the only sound. Jared approached Evan’s door. He was about to knock when he realized he could just walk in.

Before Jared could make a decision, the door opened. Evan stood in the doorway. “Were you just standing here?” Jared asked, a smirk on his face. “I’m flattered, Evan.”

Evan shook his head and moved out of the way. “No, I was— I just, I heard the horn and figured that was you so I was gonna— I was about to head out and wait for you.”

Jared swung the key around on his index finger. “I still have the spare you gave me.” He stepped inside. He whistled a quiet tune and stopped in his tracks when he spotted Connor lounging on the couch. Connor looked over and made eye contact with the short, brown haired male. He gave a small wave and turned back towards the TV.

“Evan,” Jared said, looking over his shoulder. Evan was locking the door. “What’s he doing here?”

Evan fiddled with his shirt. “I um. He was— his family— he needed to get out of his house for a while.”

Jared eyed the tall boy on the couch and moved to the other side of the furniture. He sat on the arm of the couch. Connor didn’t move his feet. He signed something to Evan, who moved to sit on the floor. Evan’s face was red when he signed back.

Jared coughed. Evan looked over at him, thus bringing the attention of Connor as well. “I feel left out,” Jared joked.

Connor signed something, smirking at Jared’s frown. Evan cleared his throat. “He uh, he said that you should learn then.”

Jared scoffed, highly doubting that was what had been said. “Yeah okay.” Connor rolled his eyes and brought his attention back to the show. Jared recognized the show as Untold Stories of The ER and briefly wondered who’s idea it was to put that show on. Then he wondered how any of them could stomach the blood shown.

He had to turn away when a guy on the screen showed up with a pipe through his face. Evan gasped from his spot on the floor.

Jared awkwardly stared at the couple. Evan had moved from his spot by Connor’s feet. He was now sitting on the floor on the over side of the couch, right below Connor’s head. Connor had his arms wrapped around Evan’s shoulders.

Jared pursed his lips. He felt out of place, like he didn’t belong. He studied his hands for a bit. He shifted his body on the arm of the couch. He felt like he was invading their space, that Evan only invited him to be nice.

Jared stood up and stretched. His back cracked. He laughed quietly at how Evan winced from the sound. “This was fun,” Jared said. “But I gotta go.”

Evan’s face fell. “Oh. Are you sure?” He started picking at the skin around his fingers. “I uh, I’m sorry that Connor was here if that’s— if he’s the reason you’re leaving. He just, he showed up after I invited you. I just, I wanted to hang out. Like old times?”

An old saying he had as a kid creeped back into his mind.

_Don’t react. Deflect._

Jared waved him off. “Nah, that’s not it. I just have more important stuff to do.”

Evan didn’t respond. His eyes watered.

_Don’t react. Deflect._

Jared swallowed and made his way towards the door. “See ya in school, Evan.” He leaned against the closed door and pushed his palms into his eyes.

 

It was Saturday. The day of the dinner with the Périz family. Jared’s mom picked him out a new plaid button up. Jared had planned on just wearing a white shirt and a flannel.

He made sure to have a small lunch. Whenever Zack’s grandma made dinner, Zack would bring the leftovers to school and Jared would steal a bite. It was always delicious.

Jared made his way downstairs. Jared’s mom wasn’t home for once, and Jared could finally let himself breathe. His shoulders relaxed. He walked out of the house, making sure to lock it. He sent a quick text to his mom saying that he was at Evan’s house and then a small text to Evan telling him to say that Jared was with him in case his mom called. Which wouldn’t happen considering she didn’t have Evan’s number.

Jared hopped into his car and turned it on. He pulled out of the driveway. Soft music played through the car’s speakers. He hummed along. The drive was peaceful.

It took his five minutes longer to arrive at Zack’s house. Jared wanted time to think and prepare. Zack’s grandma was. . . She didn’t exactly accept Zack for who he was and Jared was ready to fight her. Not physically, of course.

Jared rolled into the drive of the Périz family. He spotted Zack in the window and climbed out of the car. Jared waved. Zack waved back and left the window to run out the front door. Zack covered him in a hug. Jared was taken back by it. Zack wasn’t much of a hugger; he preferred hand holding and kisses.

“You okay?” Jared asked, placing a tentative hand on Zack’s back.

Zack shook his head. He took a deep breath and grabbed Jared’s free hand. He took his time pulling Jared over to the front door. Jared looked at the house.

It was small, but it was cozy. There were flowers around the walls of the house. Jared remembered when they first hung out at Zack’s house when they were in fifth grade. The house seemed so big then because they were short. But now it seems like just the right size to hold a family of six.

Zack lead him into the house. His grandma emerged from one of the bedrooms. “There you are!” She exclaimed. “Go change into the outfit I bought you, por favor.”

Zack deflated. He moved around his grandma and went into the room she had just come out of.

The grandma sighed. “She needs to stop dressing like that.” Jared stared at the woman. She smiled and walked away. Jared walked over to the bedroom and knocked on the doorframe. He walked in.

Zack was sitting on his bed, holding purple clothing in his hands. His face was red and his eyes were rimmed with tears. Jared took small steps over to the boy. He sat down.

“I don’t understand.” Zack shook his head. “She doesn’t understand. She doesn’t get it! I’m not a girl!” He threw the clothing across the room. It landed in the closet. “Mamá and papá understand. They don’t force me to do this.”

Jared opened his mouth to respond when Zack’s mom walked into the bedroom. “Hi boys,” she said. It seemed to be more directed at Zack than them both. Zack smiled. “The pisto is almost ready. Come take a seat at the table.”

Jared took Zack’s hand and gave it a squeeze. The two boys stood up and walked out of the room. Zack closed the door behind him. They walked to the table. Zack’s little brother and sister were already seated. They stared at Jared.

Jared couldn’t blame them, he doesn’t come around the house often.

Zack’s mom and grandma brought out the food. Jared briefly wondered if it was kosher until he saw that it was all vegetables.

When everyone was seated, (Jared, Zack, his brother and sister, mom, dad, and grandma) they all joined hands. Jared looked over at the little sister who had her hand stretched out towards him, looking at him expectantly. Jared looked at Zack. Zack motioned at the little girl’s hand with his eyes.

The brown haired boy took the girl’s hand and then Zack’s. Everyone bowed their head, and the grandma starting talking in Spanish. It was a prayer, Jared realized. He bowed his head out of respect.

The prayer ended and everyone started reaching for the food. There was already a large spoon in the bowl of pisto, but Jared wanted just a little bit to make sure he liked it.

“So,” Zack’s mom started, “I forgot to ask you this Zack, but how was school yesterday?”

Zack lowered his spoon. “It was okay. I passed the science quiz.”

Jared put a small bite of pisto into his mouth. He let it sit on his tongue. It was good. Jared wasn’t one for vegetables, but he’d eat that meal. He chewed and swallowed.

Zack’s mom nodded. The table was silent for a while. Jared wondered if it was always like this; no one speaking, no noise being made except for silverware clacking against plates. He wasn’t used to it. His dinners always consisted of his mom and dad talking about work or the news, with a few arguments sprinkled in.

The silence was starting to get to him when Zack’s grandma spoke up. “Why aren’t you wearing the clothes I bought you?”

Zack stilled his hand, his body went ridged. His face had gone pale. His siblings looked at him, confused.

“Mamá, I don’t think that’s—“ His mom started

“Nonsense,” the grandma butted in, waving her hand. “I buy you that dress only to see you throw it on the floor?”

“Boys don’t wear dresses,” Zack muttered.

“But you’re not one.” Grandma huffed. “When I was growing up girls didn’t pretend to be boys and boys didn’t pretend to be girls.”

“Yes they did. Except they weren’t pretending. You just didn’t notice because they passed as such very well.”

They started yelling in Spanish. Jared caught bits and pieces of the argument, but couldn’t place them together.

Zack stood up and pushed his plate back. “I’m not hungry anymore!”

“Zack please,” his father tried.

The two made eye contact. “I’m not hungry,” Zack repeated. He walked away from the table and ran into the bathroom.

Jared got up and followed the boy. He knocked on the bathroom door. The sound of vomiting was the reply. Jared sighed. He walked away from the bathroom. He returned to the table.

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Thanks for dinner, I guess.”

All eyes were on him. He pressed his lips in a tight line and turned around the leave.

_Worst. Dinner. Ever._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this is taking longer than I expected lmao. I have about four weeks left of school so hopefully I’ll be able to write faster then
> 
> So,,, I know what’s going to happen in chapter 35 but now the struggle is getting there. Oof why is writing so hard
> 
> (Let’s yell about musicals on tumblr: i-love-deh-lets-be-friends)


	31. Miscommunications

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Is it easier to fuck him now?" Jared teased, wiggling his eyebrows. Connor raised his middle finger, his face red. "That's not a no."
> 
> Connor shoved the phone in front of Jared's face. "It's not a yes either Kleinman. Fuck off."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated

School without his three friends was absolute shit.

Zack was sick with the flu. Evan had a therapy session at noon and thought it would be better to stay home so his mom wouldn't have to waste gas driving to and from the school. Apparently the school is farther from the therapy place, even though his apartment was within walking distance of the school.

And Alana was busy setting up prom and other activities.

Which left Jared nobody to talk to. He didn't mind; after what happened on Saturday he wanted to leave people alone and vice versa. He deeply regretted what he said to Evan and since the boy wasn't here for him to apologize to, Jared had to suffer. He would sent a text to him, but he figured Evan would think that Jared just said it because he couldn't see his face.

Jared was heading to the usual lunch table and spotted Connor already there. He let out a loud groan of annoyance and sat himself on the other side of the table. Connor glanced up from his tray. Jared wrinkled his nose at the sight of Connor's lunch choice. He chose the burrito. The thing was poorly put together; meat and cheese were leaking out from the sides and the wrap itself was falling apart.

Jared had went with the better option of a cheese quesadilla.

Connor had raised his eyebrows and imitated the expression Jared had made. He wasn't looking at his food, he was staring right at Jared. Jared rolled his eyes and took a bite of his lunch.

"What are you gonna do about it?" Jared asked through his mouthful of quesadilla. Connor made a disgusted sound and looked away. He signed fast. He looked up briefly to see what the short-haired boy had to say. He made the smart decision to swallow before speaking. "I don't understand you." He waved his hands and moved his fingers in a mocking fashion.

Connor responded differently. Jared knew because the motions were different. Jared rolled his eyes and made texting motions.

Connor blew out a puff of air and dug through his pocket, a large scowl printed on his face. Jared watched him type away on the small screen before sliding it over to him. Jared picked it up and read the message. He scoffed.

"Learn sign language?" Jared passed the phone back. "That's like asking Evan to not love trees. Not gonna happen."

Connor rolled his eyes and typed on the screen again. The phone was pushed towards Jared again.

"Just a suggestion," it read.

Jared took another bite of his lunch. "So, Evan got his cast off," he commented. He looked up from the table only to find that Connor wasn't looking at him. He sighed and grabbed the phone that was still in front of him. He typed fast and slid the phone back.

Connor's eyes flickered up to the screen. He started typing away.

"What about it?" the screen asked. Connor kept his gaze on Jared to see his response.

"Is it easier to fuck him now?" Jared teased, wiggling his eyebrows. Connor raised his middle finger, his face red. "That's not a no."

Connor shoved the phone in front of Jared's face. "It's not a yes either Kleinman. Fuck off."

Jared rolled his eyes. "You're no fun."

Connor was too busy tapping the screen to see Jared's reply. The phone was passed back to Jared. "We should exchange numbers. It'll be easier than this," it said.

"Whoa." Jared put his hands up. "Cheating on Evan with me? I may be a jerk, but I don't do that."

Connor stood up, tray in hand, and walked over to the nearest trash can. He threw away the unfinished food and smacked the back of Jared's head as he made his way back to his seat. Jared scoffed.

Connor swiped his phone away from the boy. After a few more taps, the phone was back in Jared's face. Jared stared at the screen. It displayed the contacts app. He sighed and reluctantly put in his information.

He shoved the phone back towards Connor and crossed his arms. "Don't think this means we're friends," Jared huffed. Connor snorted.

The bell rang, signaling the end of lunch. Jared frowned. He didn't get to finish his quesadilla. The school rarely made those and when they did, they were great. He took one more bite before throwing his tray away.

He followed Connor out of the cafeteria. His phone buzzed from inside his pocket. Fishing it out, he saw he had a text from an unknown number.

**Unknown number: sup fucker**

Jared briefly saw Connor turn his phone off.

**Jared: what's up Hot Topic**

Connor barked out a sarcastic laugh.

**Unknown number: oh yeah, haven't heard that one before. Real original.**

Three dots kept appearing and disappearing on the screen. Jared took that chance to set Connor as a contact and changed his nickname.

**Emo to the extremo: you made evan cry when you left Saturday**

_Ouch_. Way to rip the bandaid off.

**Emo to the extremo: i had to bring him to caribou to calm him down. He hasn't seen it since before his surgery and i figured that would make him happy. You should apologize to him**

Jared sighed.

**Jared: you think I don't know that?**

Connor didn't reply. Instead, he slipped his phone into his hoodie pocket and walked down the hall towards the janitor's closet.

**Jared: who're you kissing in there?**

A barely audible buzz came from Connor's pocket. Connor stopped and pulled out his phone.

**Emo to the extremo: stfu im waiting until the front desk lady goes to lunch. She'll stop me if im seen leaving school**

Jared snorted and slipped into his classroom right as the final bell rang. The seat next to him was empty.

"Where's Alana?" he whispered to himself.

Halfway through class, the door opened and Alana walked in. She gave a small, apologetic smile towards the teacher and handed him a slip of paper.

"Sorry," she said in a hushed tone as she slid into her desk. "I was busy with the prom planners and we got carried away. Did I miss anything?"

Jared shook his head. "We just went over the homework and now we're reviewing for the test."

Alana nodded. She shuffled her binder around on her desk, taking out various papers and placing some back in the binder.

"Can I see your worksheet?" she asked.

Jared handed the paper to her before she could finish her sentence. Whenever she was busy with a project, she ended up being late to most of her classes. She and Jared developed a system. Anything written in red on the homework were the corrected answers and if the problems didn't have any red, they were already correct.

Alana smiled in thanks and started going over her own worksheet.

Jared rested his chin on his palm, listening to the teacher drone on about the review guide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter short chapter. I may be on summer vacation, but that doesn't mean that mental health takes a break oof
> 
> I also have 2 fics and 2 original stories in the works so that's also why I'm taking forever to update but whatever


	32. Hiatus

Hello all you beautiful readers! I hope you're having a great day/night. You've probably noticed a decline in updates recently. Unfortunately, I'm dealing with some recent relapses in unhealthy habits and I've been having to deal with them while trying to write the next few chapters. But it's stressing me out, so I'm going to go on a hiatus. I don't know how long it'll last, I hope less than two months because I start school in September and then I'll never update.

During this time, I'll be mostly trying to recover and get myself in a better place but I'll also try to finish at least one chapter??? I'm not holding any promise to that. I hope you all can understand.

I'll delete this note when the hiatus is done.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know everything about being blind or deaf so I am doing as much research as I can. If I get anything wrong, don't hesitate to correct me. I want this to be as accurate as possible.
> 
> Sorry this first chapter is boring, I just wanted to get a feel for writing from Evan's perspective before the plot starts.
> 
> Updates will hopefully once a week.


End file.
